In a news nugget sure to change the very way we think about humanity itself, Lindsay Lohan has arrived in London to do some stuff.
Hold us back, this could be epoch-making.
Speculation has been mounting that the star of Herbie and, umm… hecklerspray has timed her arrival to coincide with that of former/current were-they-weren’t-they lover/pal/fanny chum Sam Ronson, who is in town to get paid to play a couple of records.
It’s called “DJing”, apparently. Ah well, at least it involves more talent than standing still and managing not to die while being photographed. For money. Which exactly what Lindsay is doing.
The conspiracy theorists don’t normally go to town on celebrity news, instead focusing on more important things like why the pyramids exist, how aviation fuel “doesn’t burn like that!!!?” or why Piers Morgan is allowed to carry on living.
This time, however, the paranoia is flying in from all angles with a plethora of conflicting reports, hearsay and general anarchy on the presses. It’s sure to be the end of the world as we know it.
It is possible people have just got a bit bored of talking about Robert Pattinson, they realised they don’t like Susan Boyle anymore and they discovered that (as we said) the Eminem/Bruno skit was indeed set up, so they have to fall back to some more generic celebrity news.
Either that or there’s been an attack of nostalgia on the part of all of those celebrity news outlets and they have collectively felt the need to report on a true classic of the gossip columns.
Why all the speculation? Well probably because there isn’t a whole lot to go on with regards to this story – Lindsay Lohan has arrived in the UK a day or two after her possibly-though-maybe-not-anymore-if-she-ever-was-to-begin-with girlfriend Sam Ronson, and is scheduled to make appearances in similar places at similar times.
The most astonishing facts from the story popped up in The Mirror though, with the paper reporting:
“While she was on the Eurostar, LiLo took pictures on her mobile phone of her with her fingers in her mouth, looking all worried.”
Truly mind-blowing stuff.
But hey, it’s not like people haven’t always followed their other halves around – we managed to alienate one whole girl from our lives by relentlessly following her for three years solid. It would have been fine, but we’re not one person, we’re an amalgamated form of writers and critics, so it’s sure to spook anyone out.
Lindsay is only human though, and not an amorphous blob of biting cynicism, so she’s more than welcome to stalk her (possible) ex. Yes, human, and – if she is a bit of a mental stalker – definitely creepy with it.