In a shocking indictment of the state of movie directors and their grasp of the English language, Michael Bay has unleashed a furious and poorly-written email in the direction of Paramount’s bigwigs.

Bay’s email came as a result of what he perceived to be a lack of marketing behind his new vehicle of childhood butchery, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

While the content of the email, dated May 4th, isn’t that much of a shocker, the man who likes things to blow up committed the cardinal sin of writing “of” in place of “have”. More than once.

He must be a hecklerspray writer-in-training.

The email was discovered by the bloodhounds of celebrity nonsense over at TMZ and while the news has spread through other outlets, none have seemed to notice how the complaint is written in the manner of a five-year-old let loose on the keyboard.

We expected a chunk of prose on a par with Michael Bay’s films; intelligent, thoughtful and subtle. Instead what we get is a few paragraphs of… well, it’s not that bad.

But “could of”? “Would of”?! Honestly. And this man is allowed millions of dollars to play about with?

Sometimes life just isn’t fair.

Bay also revealed what seems to be an obsession with pointless use of inverted commas. See:

“I have been waiting, and waiting for the ‘anticipation’ of an ‘event movie’ to make it into the ‘public zeitgeist’,”

It must have taken him a while to write that sentence, as he was clearly making speechmarks with his hands while typing it out. Go and try it now – ‘harder’ than you ‘think’, isn’t it.

Not content with a poor grasp of English, not seeming to believe “public zeitgeist” is a real term and making some really rather bad movies, Bay then went on to make out that both Jerry Bruckheimer and Steven Spielberg are literally his best friends in the whole world.

Read, and believe:

“Over the years, Jerry Bruckheimer mentored me on event movies.”

“My good friend Steven.”

What an incredibly shocking and potentially calamitous turn of events this is. The world as we know it is likely to change forever.

Thing is, Michael Bay did seem to completely change his mind a month later, telling Paramount and co. they all did a great job and were his bessie mates. Probably even better than Steven and Jerry are.

Check out the emails on TMZ.