T-shirts and vests.

Folded:

• Every retro bush edition of Playboy available on iPad (finally a reason to buy the stupid thing: to wank in public)
• A massive archive of cool film posters (should that interest you in the slightest)
• Give to this (Rufus Hound makes sense. For once)
• 11 Twitter tools you didn’t know about (though if these excite too much you should probably get out more)
• Ikea show you how to make a lightsaber (cute touch having Obi and Yoda in blue. Aw)

Creased:

• KFC ‘So Good’ advert (if the food doesn’t make you sick, this will)
• Pet care for after the ‘Rapture’ (money well spent then)
• Penis ‘pejazzling’ (that’s right, we said penis)
• Cheryl Cole (it wasn’t the accent, love, it was the cankles)
• Green With Envy (awful looking romantic comedy becomes… awful looking Muppet movie!)

This week’s successes and soul crushing failures.

Folded:

• Delayed students at airport make human bicycle (beats standing in WH Smith’s reading FHM)
• Why we love Last Exit to Nowhere t-shirts, Star Wars and beverages (this and this now please)
• Kids won’t sleep? (tell them where to go)
• All the clips of McBain add up to a full movie! (make this, The Simpsons, make it now!)
• Roseanne Barr (Google her, young people) on the sitcom making experience (brutally honest and fascinating article)

Creased:

• Ken Clarke (pillock or seriously massive pillock?)
• Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (it’ll probably be cheaper to waste your money on this when it gets to DVD)
• Moving house? (why we won’t help. You lazy wretch)
• Schwarzenegger all the way (all over town, apparently)
• Man tries to take pony on train. Fails (can’t really blame him for trying. It looked like a quiet day)

Dinner and tea.

Folded:

• This clip of Drive starring Ryan Gosling (not out until September and already we want to watch it yesterday. Best get to Cannes then)
• Talking dog (the old ones still work. Guaranteed to cheer you up)
• Zombie proof house (fun idea. Pity whoever made it is clearly mental)
• Cute cursor (even better when you go outside the window)
• Hollywood families: the stars and the strange ones (diverting)

Creased:

• Sitting down will kill you (everyone in the hecklerspray bedsit is the walking dead)
• The Orange ‘Rio’ advert (surely the worst one they’ve ever done? Makes you want to leave before the film’s started)
• TK Maxx’s ‘buyer’ ad (all about the nice lady who purchases those Penguin polos and Tipp-Ex covered Evisu jeans you see cluttering up Yates’ on a Saturday afternoon)
• Twitpic (‘ambiguity’ – the legal term of the moment)
• Long movies (cinemas are cold and make us want to pee)

Tina Turner and Ike Turner.

Folded:

• The Apprentice starts next week! (finally something we can all have an opinion on that doesn’t involve a dead terrorist, royal knees-up or election no-one will bother to vote in)
• Mount Gay rum (Bond orders it in Casino Royale so it must be all right)
• House of Love (go Harry, you big fluffy ginger)
• The summer’s big movie posters: honest versions (everyone can use Photoshop, but not as amusingly as this)
• ‘Bin Bagged’ (trust The Sun to nail it)

Creased:

• Doctor Who (the long honeymoon is over. We’ve gone off this now)
• The Little Mermaid came out closer to the moon landing than the present day (we got really old suddenly, didn’t we?)
• Way to make a martyr (and people thought gathering in the streets for a royal wedding was stupid)
• Robert Pattinson in Water for Elephants (spends the whole film looking as though he’s going to vomit)
• Check the last paragraph of the story – light cloud cover might actually stop people voting (we’re pathetic sometimes)

This week’s Kate and Willy.

Folded:

• Sex quiz (worth taking, if just to stretch the comedy penis. Oucher!)
• Two bank holidays in a row! (gawd bless us all)
• The Suspicions of Mr Whicher (something period on ITV without John Suchet? They’ll be bringing a decent Marvel comic book movie out in cinemas next)
• Thor (and to think every single one of us thought it was going to be Branagh flavoured pig swill)
• Bunting (not always ironic. See how far you can push your neighbours)

Creased:

• Royal wedding bedding (oh, the fun you’d have)
• Stella Artois Cidre (looks a bit like beer, tastes like every other mass produced cider on the market)
• The annoying sounds of Jesse J (can you believe how many there are?)
• Trailer for Harry Potter 10 Part Deux (makes you think about giving Twilight a go)
• Playstation network (bet the head office looks kinda like this about now)

Grapes and wrath.

Folded:

• Our on-the-verge-of-being-commited editor making a special cocktail – and himself sick (all in aid of chasing the coin. More fun than you might think)
• Nicolas Cage is basically his character in Bad Lutienent all the time now (method man)
• Drum kit jeans (Yeah, well what have you done with your life?)
• Why we love comic book nerds (and Stan Lee probably doesn’t)
• Movie gifs so good you’ll shake (simple idea executed with big fat genius)

Creased:

• Easter (congratulations, you can eat chocolate like every other day of your life)
• Director Bryan Singer at long last defends Superman Returns (poorly)
• Fern (hair of 80’s, show of flogged dead horse)
• The world ended on 19th April (didn’t you notice?)
• Hideous royal pizza (only another week of this tat)