Anna Nicole Smith was America's sweetheart, you know – or at least she would have been if 'waddling about dressed up as a hellish clown and confusing your own unborn baby with a plastic doll' was part of the job description.
But, hey, that's not news. Just after Anna Nicole Smith died, the world saw a video clip of Anna Nicole Smith slurring incoherently with her face painted in such an uncomfortably disturbing way that it's effectively stopped us from being able to sleep at night. But it turns out that the clip was just the tip of the iceberg – now a longer Howard K Stern-filmed video of the clownfaced Anna Nicole Smith staring into nowhere, screaming about the skin being ripped from her pretend baby's body and generally acting so weirdly that a nine-year-old girl starts pleading for people to take Anna Nicole to a hospital. And, yes, it's after the jump. You filthy vultures.
We should really stop assuming that the Anna Nicole Smith story has reached the zenith of its creepy weirdness, you know. It was bad enough that Anna Nicole Smith died months after the death of her son and the birth of her daughter and that the subsequent court cases over the location of her burial and the paternity of her daughter stretched out for so long that they made a star of of the sobbing judge, but that's really where it should have ended.
But instead people have tried selling Anna Nicole Smith's diaries and videos of Anna Nicole Smith's breast surgery. Books have been written about how Howard K Stern and Larry Birkhead were gay lovers. Vaguely Anna Nicole Smith-related phrases have been copyrighted. And less than a fortnight ago the home of Anna Nicole Smith's doctor was raided as part of the investigation into her death. Everything's spinning out of control so fast, it's probably time for us to take stock and go back to remembering Anna Nicole Smith for the woman she was.
That woman, by the way, was a clown-faced incomprehensible weirdo who scared children by aimlessly drifting around her garden – possibly on drugs, definitely pregnant – maintaining that her plastic doll was her real baby and that her baby bump was just gas while being filmed by Howard K Stern who kept vocally trying to figure out how much money he'd get for the footage. And, just to reinforce that, Fox News' Geraldo Riveria recently ran longer clips of Anna Nicole Smith in her now-famous clownfaced state on his show.
And it turns out that the original clip was missing one very important thing – the nine-year-old girl who was so emotionally distressed by Anna Nicole Smith's behaviour that she started whispering "brain trouble" over and over again and pleading with Howard K Stern to get help. See for yourself…
It goes without saying that Geraldo's editing and commentary may give the impression that Anna Nicole Smith's condition was far worse than it actually was. But no matter how much post-production manipulation has gone into the video, nobody wants to see heartbreaking images of Anna Nicole Smith like this, lest they sully the memories of Anna Nicole Smith the golden-haired treasure who won the world's heart by washing her boobs in slow motion in the shower once.
Read more:
Anna Nicole Smith Clown Video Director's Cut More Disturbing Than We Ever Imagined – Defamer