The Anna Nicole Smith DNA paternity case has been pretty clear-cut so far – Howard K Stern is the evil one, Prince Frederic von Anhalt is the mental one and Larry Birkhead is the nice one – but now Larry's status might switch from 'nice' to 'creepy'.
Although Larry Birkhead has long been the popular favourite to be named as the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby – partly because he seems to make a good case for it and partly because he's not Howard K Stern – he's decided that the potential hundreds of millions of dollars that he'd get as Dannielynn Hope's father isn't enough, and has trademarked the creepy phrase 'Goodnight, My Sweet Anna Baby' for use in movies, books, TV shows, internet shows and stageplays as well. Luckily, though, Larry Birkhead hasn't trademarked 'Goodnight, My Sweet Anna Baby' for use on novelty stationary – so we're taking that for ourselves. We're guessing that kids will love our range of horrific clown-faced Anna Nicole Smith pencil cases that menacingly intone the phrase "Goodnight, my sweet Anna baby" each time they're unzipped.
Hey, if everyone else is making a buck off Anna Nicole Smith, we may as well join in too…
Funny day today. Yesterday it was all excitement about the Anna Nicole Smith DNA paternity swabbing and on Monday we might be hearing how Anna Nicole Smith died as well as the paternity test results – but today? You'll be pleased to know we haven't stooped to the Anna Nicole Smith doobie-smoking judge level yet, but the interest you'll have in this story is entirely dependent on how much you enjoy reading about photographers cashing in on the recent death of their pornstar ex-girlfriends.
Larry Birkhead was a complete unknown until Howard K Stern named himself as Anna Nicole Smith's babydaddy, at which point Larry Birkhead stepped out of the fog to also claim that he was Dannielynn's father. For months, before and after Anna Nicole Smith's death, Larry Birkhead was constantly pressuring them to take DNA paternity tests to prove the fatherhood of the baby once and for all. And thanks to Larry Birkhead's 'aw shucks' persona, apparent genuine concern for the wellbeing of Dannielynn, and nicer-looking face than Howard K Stern, the public seems to believe that Larry Birkhead is the true father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby.
If Larry Birkhead gets named as the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter, he stands to make hundreds of millions of dollars from Anna Nicole's marriage to that almost-dead billionaire dude a few years ago – but if he isn't found to be the father, Larry Birkhead has secured himself a little nestegg by trademarking the phrase 'Goodnight, My Sweet Anna Baby' anyway, as ABC reports:
Earlier this month, the former photographer and "Entourage" actor trademarked the phrase "Goodnight, My Sweet Anna Baby" for use in movies, books, TV programs, Internet programs and stage plays. The expression is what Birkhead claims Smith used to make him say to her every night. "I said, 'Goodnight My Sweet Anna Baby.' That's what she wanted me to say every night before she went to sleep," Birkhead told Access Hollywood earlier this month. On his Web site last month, Birkhead posted a poem that ended with the words, "My heart is broken, my tears are endless. She called me her angel, I called her my sweet potato, and every night before we went to sleep, she made me say to her …"GOODNIGHT MY SWEET ANNA BABY" ANNA NICOLE SMITH 1967-2007."
Is anyone else clawing at their creeped-out skin with their fingernails yet? No? Just us? Anyway, we're particularly looking forward to seeing how Larry Birkhead uses this trademark, but we want him to heed this warning – we'll only go and see a stage musical of Anna Nicole Smith's life entitled Goodnight My Sweet Anna Baby if the penultimate song is called Why Anna (You've Painted Your Face Like A Nightmarish Clown Again).
Oh, and not to be outdone, Howard K Stern has also trademarked an Anna Nicole Smith phrase for similar use – 'Eat This Methadone! Eat It! Eat It! That Money's Mine, You Hear? MINE!'.
Yeah, OK. That last bit isn't true in the slightest.