Anna Nicole Smith – or 'the American Princess Diana' as one person called her before they felt silly and left the room – has been dead for a while.
For a year, in fact – today is the first anniversary of Anna Nicole Smith's untimely death at the hands on all sorts of different drugs. And, although the anniversary has been marked by a moving tribute by Larry Birkhead, it's also being commemorated by the public as well.
So if you see any confused, slurring women stumbling around tonight, with their faces proudly daubed to make them look like the kind of clown that children see in horror movies, know that it's all in remembrance of Anna Nicole Smith.
It doesn't seem like a year since Anna Nicole Smith died, does it? That's because, what with all the squabbles about her burial site and who fathered her daughter and who got all her money, people only actually shut up about Anna Nicole Smith about a couple of weeks ago, and even then Heath Ledger's death made everyone remember her anyway.
But anyway, although it's easy to laugh at Anna Nicole Smith for being a hopelessly bewildering clown-faced drug-addled soft-porn star who went to the trouble of fake-marrying her own lawyer just to pass off her baby as his and had a creepy habit of treating dolls as if they were real, it's important to remember that she was a real person. And, as such, individuals are marking her death by doing something a little more heartfelt than just reminding everyone that Anna Nicole Smith used to paint her face like the world's most nightmarish clown like we're doing.
For example, Larry Birkhead – the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Dannielynne Hope briefly stopped trying to hit on Paris Hilton to deliver his own, actually rather heartfelt, message on his website today:
"Anna Nicole Smith I LOVE YOU AND HOPE YOU ARE PROUD OF OUR BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL. PLEASE WATCH OVER US AND GUIDE US ON OUR JOURNEY THROUGH LIFE. WE MISS YOU.
2-8-07
LOVE,
LARRY AND DANNIELYNN"
Which is quite sad, at least until you remember that the love probably isn't reciprocated if the endless ways that Anna Nicole Smith attempted to wriggle out of all those DNA paternity tests when she was still alive are anything to go by, and that those rumours about Larry Birkhead and Howard K Stern being gay lovers are still floating about.
Still, let's not get dragged down by too much mawkishness. Let's use today to remember the way that Anna Nicole Smith really was…
OK, scrub that. Let's remember Anna Nicole Smith in a way that's more flattering and a bit less truthful.
Read more:
mst3kster says
Not to squabble, but isn’t it actually dead from the neck down for one year?
She was dead from the neck up when, right after deciding to become a gold-digger, she grabbed her suitcase and the door to her mobile home gave her white trash heinie one last smack .
tam says
crap weird code comment name above – you are obviously very clever and therefore slagging off dead people because they were not as clever as you is not at all twisted. Especially with you being so clever. . .prick
mst3kster says
Put down the bong tam, and go finish third grade.
If Anna Nicole hadn’t been such a materialistic, attention seeking whore, only a few neighbors in her trailer park would have known she died.
As for my “crap weird code comment name,” you don’t get out much, do you?
tam says
sorry, what I meant was you are very clever, very clever indeed and your crap code name is very clever. What is the age of a person finishing 3rd grade? I am genuinely interested to know where it is you ‘get out’ to suggest that in comparison to your worldly knowledge that I ‘don’t get out much’! Go on, tell me why you are so well-qualified to comment beyond morality – what do you do? I dare ya
mst3kster says
What makes you believe I am commenting beyond morality because I’m “slagging off dead people”? I simply stated an opinion. Anna Nicole thought only of herself. After her weight skyrocketed she had no problem losing it – thanks to the hefty endorsement from TrimSpa. However, since there was no money in it for her to be a responsible mother, she left behind her five-month old baby. I’ll repeat: she left behind a five month old baby!
Unfortunately, tragedies like this occur everyday – all over the world, and it is truly sad. But to put this woman up on a pedestal and gaze upon her like she contributed anything decent to society is wrong. We should all look at her wrong doings, learn from them, and make ourselves better people. Until we do that, only then will the Anna Nicoles of this planet be of any benefit to humanity.
tam says
I don’t think it was a pedestal – I think it was just another celebrity tragedy and that’s what people read about – expressing a negative opinion exhibits as much interest as a person who reads the articles and doesn’t. I jump upon what I believe to be nasty and futile. Just because a person displayed no unique talent, doesn’t mean they were worthless. You know we could list many talents who died as a result of weakness and self-indulgence. I do not believe premature death to warrant attack. It does, whether you care or not, provide some solace that someone who stereotypes and displays superiority takes the time to go into further detail about why they do so.
mst3kster says
It was not my intention to display a superior attitude or come across as crass. The problem with only reading what someone states is that we do not know the tone or attitude behind the words. I’ve been on both sides of the fence many times with this and I’m sure I was reading you the wrong way. I do agree with you that just because a person does not display any unique talent, means they were worthless. In all actuality, no one is better or worse than anyone else. We are all equal, whether we can see it or not.
My sense of humor has a negative side to it and it does get out of hand at times. I guess when I read somewhere that a fanatic of Anna Nicole declared her America’s Princess Diana it set me off and I took it out on Anna Nicole. The above article was the fuel on my fire.
My bad.
euclid says
1) Can death ever be premature? Or is it always on time? I wonder.
2) The number of ‘famous’ dead, by their own hand, is certainly
mock-worthy for at least three reasons: i) their fame arguably displaces other
genuinely talented people from the public eye, filling the public sphere
with crap, and ii) death should be mocked (while we can) because it always gets the last laugh, iii) the sheer number of similar sad stories transforms them from sad to ridiculous,
another fine testament to the human learning curve’s stunning flatness.
3) while not worthless as human beings, many of these sad specimens are worthless as public figures
etc., etc.
gir says
BLAH BLAH BLAH enough with the earnest soul searching perspective crap. I read the internet in general and hecklerspray in particular to make fun of morons. So if I want to say that Anna Nicole Smith looked like Marilyn Monroe gained a shitload of weight to star as the whale in a pornographic version of the story of Jonah I will.
Then I’ll probably make some comment about the only sector of society actually affected by her death are lonely shut-in nerds who can’t actually get a real woman and are reduced to fantasizing about fat gold-digging drugged up reality TV attention whores.
Then I’ll have a beer.
Then I’ll feel pretty clever about that Jonah bit, and I’ll try to figure out how to make money off it.
mst3kster says
As long as that whale in your Jonah skin-flick isn’t a sperm whale, I’ll buy you a beer.
noodlemonkey says
Sad that she’s gone, but sadder that the same people who contributed to her train-wreck of a life, continue to exploit her in death (not to mention pimping out her daughter).
Wild Meathead says
Were here breasts real? I never really kept up with them in the news and never really heard of her until she wed that 200 year old empirical relic.