John Lennon once sang "Imagine there's no heaven, if easy if you try" but Yoko Ono must be wishing he sang "Imagine your driver isn't a crazy-ass pervert death threat stalker, it's slightly less easy because that's what he appears to actually be."
Koral Karson, the Turkish-born driver who Yoko Ono had arrested yesterday has now been charged and is in custody on $500,000 bail after it was claimed that not only did he try and blackmail Yoko Ono for $2 million with a picture of her in a nightie and an audiotape of her thoughts on Brokeback Mountain, but – slightly more seriously – had made death threats against Yoko Ono and her family and even apparently boasted that he was injecting poison into her while she slept. All in all the allegations are so terrifying that Heather Mills is possibly planning to rip them off and say that Paul McCartney did all that stuff to her, too.
Remember when Yoko Ono was mostly famous for being rude to Paul McCartney and suing record companies for millions of dollars? Remember when Yoko Ono was shorthand for "Boo hoo, the Beatles split up and it's all your fault"? In short, remember when Yoko Ono didn't appear to have a Turkish sex fiend death threat psycho nutter driving her around in a car? We do – it was the day before yesterday, and things were so much simpler then.
Yesterday saw the arrest of Yoko Ono's driver Koral Karson for apparently blackmailing her. The details of the arrest were a little vague – it was thought that Karson had taken some secret photos of Yoko Ono and made some tapes of her and wanted $2 million – but now Koral Karson has been charged for grand larceny, some more details of his alleged nefarious plans have emerged, and they're quite a lot more batshit, as Reuters reports:
The extortion attempt began on Friday, the 26th anniversary of Lennon's slaying by deranged fan Mark David Chapman, Ono's spokesman said. "There is a letter demanding $2 million. He has threatened the lives of the victim, her friends and her family," Assistant District Attorney Maureen O'Connor told Judge Tanya Kennedy at Manhattan Criminal Court. "There are people standing by, we are told, ready to kill on his orders," O'Connor said.
As for the taped recordings of Yoko Ono, it's thought that they included Yoko Ono saying bad things about the British and American governments, Sean Lennon making some kind of derogatory remark about John Lennon and Korel Karson trying to embarrass Yoko Ono by asking her what she thought of Brokeback Mountain. But that's hardly scary – everyone on Earth has complained about the government at some point, and nobody really likes John Lennon as much as they say they do, and everyone is secretly worried that their true feelings about Brokeback Mountain will land them in trouble. No. This is the scary stuff, according to Reuters:
On the 26th anniversary of Lennon's death, Karsan handed Ono a rambling, two-page, typed note complaining about long hours and threatening her with audio tapes and photos that would embarrass her, the New York Post reported, citing police sources. Karsan told the another employee who worked for Ono that "he had been injecting her with poison while she was sleeping — and that he could have killed her at any time," a police source was quoted by the New York Daily News as saying.
Although Korel Karson denies these charges – instead claiming that Yoko Ono had been sexually harassing him – these allegations are just a touch on the bone-chilling side. Not that we should worry about Yoko Ono's safety, though; she has a failsafe alarm system for this kind of thing – a quick burst of I Felt Like Smashing My Face In A Clear Glass Window is usually enough to have any potential assailant running for the hills.