Wham! To Subject World To Reunion

Few things manage to strike fear in the heart of hecklerspray anymore.

Why? Because we’re a bunch of steely-eyed hard-ass bastards, that’s why. Many have even pointed out our striking resemblance to take-no-nonsense plastic hero Action Man (note: we think they were referring to the old Action Man - who looked like he’d rip out your eyes if you even looked at him funny – and not the recently revamped pretty-boy version who swans around on his quite frankly nonce-like ‘combat surfboard’. We think).

Anyway.

What we’re trying to say is that we’re a reasonably unshakable bunch. It would take something genuinely horrific to set our knees-a-quiverin’… something of such unbridled cultural terror and sheer artless drudgery as to make Adam Sandler’s Click look like Dekalog-era Kieslowski.

Something like the reformation of 80s boy-band nobsacks Wham!

Twenty years after Wham! split – during which time lead songwriter George Michael has been up to all sorts of naughty drug-taking, gay-bush-fondling antics – the goatee-bearded mediocrity maestro has ‘persuaded’ his one-time musical partner Andrew Ridgeley to join him on stage for a ‘Christmas extravaganza’.

The reformed Wham! will even be dragging up backing singer ‘ladies’ Pepsi and Shirley (or presumably the nearest two identikit chavettes they can find working the tills at Matalan – we suspect that the giggling stadium audience of retro-fuelled secretaries will be too drunk on eighteen litres of Lambrini to tell the difference anyway).

A close source waffled:

"George is thrilled that Andrew's agreed to perform. It was something George had thought about for a long time. He couldn't be happier and can't wait for the gig."

Meanwhile a representative for the British Cultural Standards Board was overheard to have simply stated:

"Oh Christ."

And then killed themselves.

Read more:

Wham! Reforming - Contactmusic

[story by C J Davies]