Coronation Street – the soap opera about a procession of cartoonishly grim people doing things that teeter on the brink between 'nondescript' and 'depressing' – is about to lose long-running character Vera Duckworth, the world's first ever chav.
Actress Liz Dawn, who has played Vera Duckworth on Coronation Street for the last 34 years, has decided to leave the show thanks to all kinds of hacking emphysema making it impossible to carry on with her work. However much Vera Duckworth will be missed by the millions of Coronation Street fans up and down the country, it's important to spare some thought for Liz Dawn – because God knows we can't imagine how tough it must be to earn £200,000 a year for just turning up once every six weeks, wearing some bad clothes and shouting at an old man as part of a series of ultimately non-essential subplots.
Coronation Street is routinely the most-watched television show in Britain, which isn't bad for a programme where quite often entire months revolve around a man called Norris experimenting with various confectionery displays in his shop. And part of Coronation Street's most-watchedness is Vera Duckworth, the lovably shrieking fishwife who literally couldn't be more objectionable if she was made out of purple farting nylon, played by Liz Dawn.
Where Coronation Street's rival EastEnders gets by on terrifying baby torture plots and characters who seemed to be a little bit bionic, Coronation Street knew it could always fall back on Vera Duckworth in times of trouble – a character with the emotional range to one minute scream at her husband for being a lazy slob and the next minute whine at her husband for being a lazy slob. But, as The Daily Mail reports, Liz Dawn is leaving Vera Duckworth and Coronation Street behind because emphysema has made it near impossible for her to screech to the best of her abilities:
Actress Liz Dawn, known to millions for her role as Coronation Street's Vera Duckworth, is leaving the show after suffering with ill health. Miss Dawn, who has played the fiery character for 34 years, will exit the popular ITV soap before Christmas… The actress, who has appeared in more than 2000 episodes, said: "It's been an amazing 34 years. I'd like to thank everyone for what has been the best time of my life." Coronation Street executive producer Kieran Roberts said: "After 34 years as Vera, Liz has taken a decision to relax and enjoy her retirement. We're currently devising storylines for her character's departure for Weatherfield but we would prefer not to reveal details at this moment."
Ah yes, Vera Duckworth's departure. For an actress who's been working on Coronation Street for 34 years, the least that Liz Dawn deserves is a spectacular death scene. Perhaps a spark from a mobile phone could set her shellsuit on fire and vacuum-pack her to death, or maybe Lily Allen could come to Coronation Street, mistake Vera Duckworth for Lady Sovereign and beat her to death with her third nipple.
Actually no, Liz Dawn has agreed to make a number of guest appearances on Coronation Street as Vera Duckworth, so a spectacular death scene is out of the question too. In fact, since Vera Duckworth is hardly in Coronation Street any more anyway, chances are you'll hardly be able to notice she's gone if she keeps making these regular guest appearances.
Is it too late to chance the headline to Old Woman Sort Of Retires From Dull TV Show But Not Really?
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