You know what we’ve realised? God hates good dancers. It’s true – just look at what He did to Chris Brown.

And now He’s started messing about with Usher, too. Alright, not Usher specifically – Usher’s wife Tameka Foster. All Tameka wanted was to go to Brazil for some cheap, possibly unregulated plastic surgery, and it all ended up going so horribly that Usher had to get a neurosurgeon in to fix her.

But the good news is that Tameka Foster is now in a stable condition. Next time, God, pick on a dancer your own size. Like, say, that bellend from Jamiroquai.

Although increasingly popular, plastic surgery still has inherent dangers. After all, Kanye West’s mother died after a cosmetic procedure, plastic surgery seems to be the reason that Shane Richie now permanently looks like a startled drag queen and now it’s got to Usher’s wife Tameka Foster, too.

Right before he was due to perform at the Grammys on Sunday, Usher was urgently called away to Brazil because Tameka Foster – a woman who has already forced Usher to marry her several times and then couldn’t think of anything more imaginative to name Usher’s baby than Usher – had been through a plastic surgery procedure so botched that a neurosurgeon had to be shipped over urgently to deal with the aftermath.

The good news is, though, Tameka Foster’s condition has stabled enough for Usher’s representatives to put out the following statement:

“(Foster is) in stable condition after suffering complications from routine surgery in Brazil. Her husband, Usher, is with her at the hospital. No further details will be released, and the family requests privacy at this difficult time.”

No details? OK, fine. It’s not like we can’t work it out anyway. Routine surgery? Brazil? Neurosurgeons? It’s simple – Tameka Foster was having her vagina shaved and strapped to her spine. That or she was having one of those big carnival peacock plumes implanted into her head. Or a favela boy surgically attached to her brain. Definitely one of those things. Or something else. We’re not experts.

Anyway, it’s good to hear that Tameka Foster is on the mend. It’s just a shame that it had to happen when it did. What with Chris Brown’s arrest, it left a wide open gap for Usher to become the best dancer at the Grammys. But, thanks to Tameka Foster, that didn’t happen. It’s bad news for Usher, but worse news for anyone who saw Thom Yorke walk off with the title on Sunday after flapping about like a deflating toddler for three minutes. Shame.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!