Even though Usher only looks about 12 years old, it's pleasing to know that at least he has a fully-working set of adult male genitals – we know this because nine months ago he used them to get his now-wife pregnant.
And now the pregnancy has come to fruition, because it's been reported that Usher's wife Tameka Foster gave birth to their first baby, a little boy called Usher Raymond V, on Monday night. Luckily the birth of baby Usher seems to have taken place without any major complications, which is a relief because we were worried that it'd be carried out with the same indecision that marked Usher and Tameka's wedding. And no baby wants to spend its first few moments on earth trying to be rammed back up its mother's vagina because nobody can decide if they want it or not. Seriously, could've happened.
Usher is a modern-day renaissance man, capable of singing some thuddingly generic R&B songs one minute, acting in rubbish teen comedies the next and dancing like a man trying to run uphill in a rainstorm wearing shoes made of soap in all the gaps in between. Such is Usher's prodigious ability to sing and dance and act that it's obvious that he'd want to name any child he sired after himself. That's normal and not at all violently egotistical, as our newborn son Hecklerspray Is A Good Website will be only too happy to attest to once he's grown up and stopped suing us for wrecking his life.
So that's what Usher has done. Usher's newish wife Tameka Foster gave birth to their first son on Monday night, a 7 lbs. 9 oz. boy named Usher Raymond V. Although it's yet to be made explicit, we assume that the 'V' part of usher Raymond V is either a Roman numeral explanation of how many other Usher Raymonds there have been in Usher's family, or a terrible warning that the baby is really a planet-raping, rodent-eating lizardy alien with a sticky-out tongue and a latex human mask from the 1980s.
That's something we'll discover at a later date, because Usher and Tameka Foster have released a statement telling the world how brilliant it is to have a baby named after you:
"We are so happy and proud of our beautiful son. What a blessing!"
It finally seems like Usher and Tameka Foster are finally getting getting themselves back on track with the birth of baby Usher. After all, their initial wedding was such a balls-up that they needed to have two more weddings afterwards just to erase the bad memories from the first one. And there's nothing like a newborn baby to remind a married couple that they can't tit around getting married all the bastard time.
Still, it's good to know that Usher, Tameka and Usher are all doing well – and we hope that Usher devotes enough time away from his forthcoming new album to give baby Usher the upbringing he deserves. After all, the tot isn't going to learn how to dance like an epileptic gecko by himself, is he.
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sasymb says
Where are Tamika Foster other children or are they forgotten now that she has Usher baby
Tazkal says
We have be careful to choice names for our baby. The meaningful it must be.