Usher is good at two things – dancing like a man being attacked by a swarm of invisible jellyfish and getting women pregnant.

OK, maybe not ‘women’ as such. Usher is good at getting one woman pregnant – his wife, Tameka Foster. Just nine months after the birth of their first child, it’s announced that Tameka’s only gone and got another baby on the go.

That’s impressive work, especially when you account for the fact that most couples don’t even reveal their pregnancy until the second trimester. That means Usher managed to knock his wife up less than six months after she had the first baby. That’s either incredible or a bit gruesome, depending on how hung up you are with the idea of tearing and stitches and whatnot. We are, by the way, which probably accounts for the nausea.

Either that or Usher has somehow got us pregnant simply by us writing about it. We wouldn’t put it past him.

Bloody Usher. He can never do something well once, can he? He always has to go back and do it again and again until everyone gets a bit sick of it.

Musically Usher’s always repeating himself – first by making a song called Confessions and then by making a song called Confessions Pt II - and if you were to count all the times that Usher got married to his wife, you’d end up dizzy and terrified by the fact that someone can actually be that pointless.

And now he’s decided to adapt this trait for another aspect of his life, too – babies. Usher’s wife only had Usher’s baby about ten minutes ago, and yet he’s already decided that the time has come to get another slimy bun in the pulsating, fluid-filled oven as quickly as possible. People reports:

Usher is going to be a father for the second time, PEOPLE has learned. The R&B star and his wife Tameka Foster are expecting their second child together, a source close to the singer confirms. Recently, Foster was spotted wearing a belly-disguising outfit during Usher’s Sept. 4 NFL kick-off concert in New York. The dress was “very deceiving,” the source says. “You couldn’t tell she was pregnant when she was sitting down.”

What’s best about all this isn’t that Usher’s obviously so terrifyingly potent that he probably can’t even masturbate into a tissue without it springing up, doing a little dance and following him around calling him ‘papa’ afterwards – it’s that this news has come just a couple of days after Usher announced his ladies-only tour.

You can imagine that Tameka Foster’s thrilled with that, can’t you? She’s sat at home feeling all bloated and elephanty and unloved and he’s off singing sexy songs to crowds of hormone-spazzed women, every single one of whom will be desperately trying to catch his attention. Forget a third baby, Usher’s going to be lucky if Tameka Foster lets him go anywhere near her with his little chap at all after pulling a stunt like that.