Good news Suri Cruise – before too long, you’ll stop being the smallest member of the Cruise family.
That’s because soon you’ll be four, and you’ll tower above your dad. More relevantly, though, it’s also because Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are doing all they can to have another child next year. Presumably that involves having sex with each other and not simply exchanging vials of bodily fluid after a series of protracted financial negotiations between their lawyers, but you never know, do you?
Anyway, let’s hope this baby doesn’t disrupt Katie Holmes’s unbroken run of hit movies like, oh, um… oh, we’re not really fooling anyone here, are we?
Childbirth is a wonderful, sacred thing. There are just so many aspects of it to cherish – the religion-enforced silence, for starters. And the delicious metallic taste of placenta. And, oh, the part afterwards where you get to hide the baby away from everyone until they start believing that the whole pregnancy was a giant hoax. It’s magical.
So no wonder Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes want to have another baby next year. Well, when we say that we mean that Tom Cruise wants another bay and Katie Holmes has accepted a large sum of money to allow that to happen. Or something. That’s what OK! seems to suggest, since the cover of its latest edition screams ‘$75 MILLION FOR BABY #2’. It reports:
OK! can exclusively report that the Cruises have reached a deal on expanding their family: While right now work is her first priority, which Tom doesn't always agree with, Katie plans to get pregnant sometime in the next year. ?She no longer feels like she's just Mrs. Cruise. She's her own person again,? a pal tells OK! of the couple?s decision.
Quite right. Katie Holmes should be able to be her own person. Work needs to come first – any old idiot can have a baby, but can they star in Mad Money, huh? Can they dick about for about three seconds in a single episode of Eli Stone? No. Not they can’t. That sort of stuff is only for the special people.
Anyway, congratulations to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. They’ll be relieved to know that raising your second child is always much easier than raising your first. You already own all the educational My First Xenu dolls, for instance. And you won’t need to buy another set of shackles to keep the tot firmly in place of the giant screen in your basement that broadcasts high-intensity Scientology propaganda on an unrelenting loop 24 hours a day. It’ll be a walk in the park, honest.