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The Dark Knight

Weekend Box Office: The Dark Knight Continues To Widdle On Everything

by Stuart Heritage

First the bad news – The Dark Knight lost over half of its audience at the weekend box office compared to last week.

Now the slightly better news – that still meant that The Dark Knight pulled in $75 million in sales this weekend, over $45 million more than its next best rival. Clearly, The Dark Knight is something of a weekend box office phenomenon.

So what can a forthcoming film – say, Vicky Christina Barcelona – do to match The Dark Knight’s weekend box office success? Easy – have Penelope Cruz killed by an accidental overdose and then convince Woody Allen to beat up his own mother a day after it opens. Also, if they could make the film inordinately long and so morally heavyhanded that it may as well be delivered by a wild-eyed redneck preacher, that’d be great too.

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Movie Review: The Dark Knight

by hecklerspray staff

Probably the most hotly anticipated movie since time began, The Dark Knight finally arrives in cinemas this week after what seems a neverending wait.

Of course the accolades have been shouted from the rooftops and it gives us great pleasure to step in line behind countless others and give praise to what is sure to become a classic film of our time.

The film, as you should be aware by now, is a sequel to Batman Begins which rebooted the Bat franchise in a world rooted in reality. The Dark Knight not only continues the theme but expands it into something completely fresh and riveting.

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Batman Christian Bale Arrested For Allegedly Beating Mum And Sister Up

by Stuart Heritage

So you’re Christian Bale; you’re the star of The Dark Knight – one of the biggest movies ever – but Heath Ledger’s stolen your acclaim.

What do you do to redress the balance? Simple, you go a bit mental, attack your mother and sister and get arrested on suspicion of assault for it. True, it might not be the obvious way around the problem, but it’s what Christian Bale seems to have done.

So with Heath Ledger dead and Christian Bale arrested for assault, it seems like The Dark Knight might be carrying a dark curse. We’ll know for sure as soon as Michael Caine climbs up a church tower and starts firing a machine gun at passers-by and crying, but for now it’s just a pretty strong hunch.

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Weekend Box Office: The Dark Knight Now Roughly Bigger Than Jesus

by Stuart Heritage

Here’s some hardly very surprising news – The Dark Knight is the number one movie at the weekend box office this week.

More than that, though, The Dark Knight is the biggest-ever movie at the number one box office – to the tune of $155 million. That’s even more than Spider-Man 3 managed. The Dark Knight better than a film about Kirsten Dunst doing a dance about some eggs? Wow, that is good.

What’s more impressive is that The Dark Knight managed to be the best ever movie at the US weekend box office even though it’s an overlong pitch-black morality tale made notorious by the death of one of its stars. That means that The Dark Knight is also the most depressing box office megahit since at least Big Momma’s House 2 came out.

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Batman 3: Catwoman & The Penguin To Remain Unemployed

by Stuart Heritage

The Dark Knight has whipped up such a hype frenzy that we wouldn’t be surprised if it cured the blind and healed the terminally ill.

In fact, people are going so potty over The Dark Knight that they’ve started to pretend that they’ve already seen it just so they can move onto speculation over Batman 3. So we may as well do the same. It’s not like we’ve got anything better to do.

Batman screenwriters David Goyer and Jonah Nolan have responded to claims that the baddies in Batman 3 will be Catwoman and The Penguin by saying that the baddies in Batman 3 definitely won’t be Catwoman and The Penguin. They’ve got a whole raft of other villains to chose from, so why pick the two most obvious? Especially when nobody’s put Lola Lasagne in a Batman movie yet.

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Christian Bale All Like ‘More Batman Please’

by Stuart Heritage

It’s not out yet, but The Dark Knight looks set to be the second biggest movie of the summer starring a freaky dead guy who gives us the creeps, after Indiana Jones.

And Christian Bale seems to think that The Dark Knight will be such a success that he’s itching to make a third Batman movie already. Bale says he’s looking forward to seeing whether Christopher Nolan can top the artistry and emotional intensity of this film, and that he’d love to be a part of it.

Yeah yeah yeah – listen, Christian Bale can spout as much nonsense about artistic worth as he likes, because we all know why he wants to make another Batman film. It’s because Batman law quite clearly states that the third Batman movie in any series is the point where the Bat-nipple comes into play. You’d have to be a crazy person to turn down the Bat-nipple.

It's not out yet, but The Dark Knight looks set to be the second biggest movie of the summer starring a freaky dead guy who gives us the creeps, after Indiana Jones. And Christian Bale seems to think that The Dark Knight will be such a success that he's itching to make a third Batman movie already. Bale says he's looking forward to seeing whether Christopher Nolan can top the artistry and emotional intensity of this film, and that he'd love to be a part of it. Yeah yeah yeah - listen, Christian Bale can spout as much nonsense about artistic worth as he likes, because we all know why he wants to make another Batman film. It's because Batman law quite clearly states that the third Batman movie in any series is the point where the Bat-nipple comes into play. You'd have to be a crazy person to turn down the Bat-nipple.
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