Batman Christian Bale Arrested For Allegedly Beating Mum And Sister Up

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So you’re Christian Bale; you’re the star of The Dark Knight – one of the biggest movies ever – how do you celebrate the news?

Simple, you go a bit mental, attack your mother and sister and get arrested on suspicion of assault for it. True, it might not be the obvious way around the problem, but it’s what Christian Bale allegedly has done.

So with Heath Ledger dead and Christian Bale arrested for assault, it seems like The Dark Knight might be carrying a dark curse. We’ll know for sure as soon as Michael Caine climbs up a church tower and starts firing a machine gun at passers-by and crying, but for now it’s just a pretty strong hunch.

Christian Bale is a fascinating actor, not just because he can completely transform his body to disappear into a role, but also because he refuses to discuss his personal life in interviews. This, Christian Bale claims, is because it would detract from the mysticism of the craft, but we’re not convinced.

Maybe Christian Bale doesn’t discuss his personal life in interviews because he’s a right old mental loony.

It seems plausible since, just a few days after his new Batman movie The Dark Knight became the biggest-opening movie ever, Christian Bale has been arrested on suspicion of kicking lumps out of his sister and 61-year-old mother. BBC News reports:

A Metropolitan Police spokesman said a 34-year-old man had been arrested in connection with an allegation of assault, and remained in custody. Mr Bale is alleged to have lashed out at his mother and sister in his suite at London’s Dorchester Hotel on Sunday.

We know. It makes no sense whatsoever, does it?

Christian Bale has never really given off any signs of having a barmy side to him, and this week – the week that The Dark Knight became a genuine phenomenon – should have been one of the happiest of Bale’s life.

Having said that, we like to attack members of our family in times of great joy as well – we got three numbers on the lottery a couple of months ago and we were so happy that we took a cricket bat to granny’s shins. Plus every time hecklerspray wins an award we go out and cheerfully drown a nephew in the river. So we can totally see where Christian Bale is coming from. If he did it, of course.

Of course, Christian Bale hasn’t been charged yet, so it’d be wrong to assume that he’s guilty of anything. It could all just be a giant misunderstanding.

Or perhaps Christian Bale just sank so deep into the psyche of one of his characters that he reacted in a way that was completely unlike him. In which case we’re probably right in thinking that the pervading theme of Batman 3 will involve Batman throwing a great big mardy sulk when his mum comes round and tells him that he’s getting a little bit too big for his boots.

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Comments

  1. Tom Fun says

    Biff!
    Pow!!
    Kapow!!!
    Boff!!
    Zap!
    Splatt!!!
    Sock!
    Whamm!!!!
    Eee-yow!!!
    Ooooff!!
    Zowie!!!!!!!!!!
    Thunk!!
    Kayo!!!

    (allegedly)

    etc etc etc

  2. GLW says

    i really hope that Mr. Bale wasn’t going mental. I became a Batman fan after watching The Dark Knight. Mainly after watching Bale’s awesome performance. Well, i hope for the best, we shall see hm?

  3. CFL says

    Well, I must say, this report was EXTREMELY biased. I’ve read others on this, and they clearly say not to draw any conclusions if he did it or not. This just tears the man apart and does point the finger. If you don’t know all the facts for sure, then you can’t really blame someone for something. I’m not saying he did do it, I’m not saying he didn’t. But maybe, whoever wrote this, should consider all possibilities before trying to make other people believe something even if they don’t know if it’s true or not.

  4. David Bryden says

    Wow. Can an assault be VERBAL? Because then my mother should die in prison.

  5. The truth says

    Oh please …

    His sister demanded $200,000. When he refused, she insulted his wife.

    He then shoved both of them out the door.

  6. Versailles says

    In several television documentaries and biographies on the web, it has been stated that Bale’s mother was a Clown. Perhaps he hadn’t gotten out of his “Dark Knight” persona when the incident “allegedly” occurred. Rather than seeing his mum he saw a clown and gave it a jolly good thrashing…thinking he still had time to save Rachel.

  7. says

    or maybe when he looked at his Mom he saw
    a giant picnic basket covered in ants and
    thought “I’m not going to be the Sticky Bear”
    and pushed that picnic basket as far away
    just as fast as he could. Or maybe he thought
    he was being Kojaked by a pair of electronic
    elves and that he had to help them outside before
    the electromagnetic fields from his cell-phone
    and fish tank interrupted the hamster parade. Twat.

  8. Replying to months old news but... says

    Clearing up a bit about the peculiarities of wording in the American legal system…

    ‘Assault’ refers to the threat of violence while ‘Battery’ is the actual crime of physical violence. Both are illegal of course but there are such distinctions in definition across the world.

  9. Clarifying that last post... says

    That’s why some US readers may have assumed there was no physical violence involved.

  10. Matthieu says

    This guy is a perfect example of a person in this troubled world making way too much money for doing absolutely NOTHING. Add to that, he’s a mediocre actor, a spoiled brat, and has nothing to contribute to this world. What a pitiful and rotten piece of shit he is. UGLY UGLY and UGLY.

  11. Clearstuffup says

    Do more research before you just assume that he’s this bad person. Because he’s not. He didn’t assault his mother or his sister. His mom just badmouthed him and his wife pretty bad; said some outrageous crap. Christian bale “didn’t lay a finger on anyone. Instead, he flew off the handle and cussed at his mother.” He had good reason to be angry. If your mother said sh*t about you and the person you loved I don’t think that you’d just let that pass either. But after he yelled at her, his mother&sister claimed that he had assaulted both of them. Anyway, he was innocent and was let go without any charges.

  12. Clearstuffup says

    are you kidding me. “making way too much money for absolutely NOTHING.” ?! He is an amazing actor. I’m sorry but did you not catch this, “he can completely transform his body to disappear into a role” part? He is not. a mediocre actor or a spoiled brat. He has nothing to contribute to this world? Oh and I suppose that’s why everyone loves Christopher Nolan’s Batman Trilogy so much, right? Don’t make assumptions about people before you actually know who they are. He has done nothing without good cause for doing it. Leave him alone.

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