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Spencer Pratt

Heidi and Spencer Pratt Threaten to Launch Their Own Reality Show

by Amy Grindhouse

Heidi Pratt and her husband with a flesh-coloured beard, Spencer Pratt, are making the world’s least threatening threat. The couple – full of their usual annoying shenanigans and fakery – are pitching the world’s least watchable reality show. Not content with blighting the world three minutes at a time to a Natasha Bedingfield soundtrack, the [...]

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Stephanie Pratt Arrested For Being A Booze-Soaked Nob

by Stuart Heritage

We should be thanking Stephanie Pratt. In these troubled times, it’s always nice to have a bit of consistency.

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I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (USA): The Final!

by Paul Gibson

During the First World War, soldiers would often endure days of warfare in the most atrocious conditions imaginable, and emerge from it all having gained or lost just a few yards for their team. Which is a hideously overblown and offensively inappropriate metaphor for this year’s I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, the [...]

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Heidi Montag Threatens World With Nudey Playboy Shoot

by Stuart Heritage

Want to become famous? OK, here’s how you do it. 1) Be completely awful. 2) Spend a few hours in a dark room until you vomit.

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I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (USA): Week Two Begins

by Paul Gibson

Yes, we had to check that, too. But it’s true: it is only Week Two and not, as we had thought, Year Eighty-Nine. But a week can be a long time in the jungle. Especially a jungle where pubey-bearded manchild Spencer Pratt spends 19 hours out of every day arguing with mahogany-faced leatherwoman Janice Dickinson. [...]

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Heidi Montag Hospitalised, Spencer Pratt’s Grotty Beard A Suspect

by Stuart Heritage

Heidi Montag is as hard as nails. She is. True, she might look like a scrawny, pointless waste of skin, but she is.

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I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (USA): The Boys

by Paul Gibson

The Americans, having nicked IASGMOOH from us, have failed to understand what makes the thing watchable: instead of cheeky Ant and Dec, they’ve got Myleene Klass hosting. A woman who donates sap, rather than blood. Desperate as we are to witness talentless unknowns humiliate themselves on the telly, we genuinely can’t wait for the news [...]

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Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt Get Married, Are Happy. Ugh.

by Stuart Heritage

Young love is beautiful isn’t it? Unless it’s between Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt – then it’s weird and a bit incest-looking.

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Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt Continue To Waste Our Time

by Stuart Heritage

Remember when Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from The Hills got married and everyone wondered if it was the biggest non-event in all of history?

Guess what – it wasn’t! According to all sorts of horribly depressing reports, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt aren’t going to legally formalise their Mexican wedding! It was all a great big waste of everyone’s time!

But, really, Heidi and Spencer should know that fake weddings are so passe – next time they want headlines they should try something more original, like getting caught in a bear trap or developing asbestos poisoning or playing frisbee with some landmines or something.

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Heidi Montag’s Ma Goes Batpoo About Spencer Pratt Wedding

by Stuart Heritage

And now a public service announcement: Kids, if you’re thinking about getting married, remember to always invite your mother.

But don’t invite your mother to your wedding just because the eternal bond of love you share makes you want her to share the happiest day of your life. Do it because if you don’t she’ll publicly will your marriage to fail and suggest that you only got married in the first place because your husband drugged you.

Because that’s what Heidi Montag’s mother did after Heidi married Spencer Pratt. Lady, there’s a seat warm at hecklerspray whenever you want it.

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