Heidi Pratt and her husband with a flesh-coloured beard, Spencer Pratt, are making the world’s least threatening threat.
The couple – full of their usual annoying shenanigans and fakery – are pitching the world’s least watchable reality show.
Not content with blighting the world three minutes at a time to a Natasha Bedingfield soundtrack, the gruesome twosome now think it would be a larf to have a reality show entirely their own.
Heidi and Spencer closely resemble a couple of Real Dolls who have come to life and accidentally been cast on MTV‘s The Hills. The past-its-best show is only watched by a handful of tweenagers at a time. No more than two or three at any minute of the day.? The only reason they would ever watch a whole episode of The Hills would be that the ruddy remote control buttons got stuck/ the batteries ran out/ the only other thing on was the news.
Before the threat of a reality show – dedicated to their insipid brand of fame-loving – the couple were actually pimping out their new book. A book that details how one can also become a fame-loving Z-Lister of epic proportions. A book that probably came into the world after one or both had their bowel movements recorded on audio tape and then passed on to some poor soul to commit to transcript. It’ll be thirty pages of pictures, to every one paragraph in font size 45 of “Brrrf, faart, buuuurp”, over and over.
Second to the book comes the couple’s dream of their own reality show. A show that is the consummate nightmare of anyone who knows that not all television leaves you with pink eye and a nasty itching sensation in your delicate areas.
Heidi said that viewers of The Hills don’t get to see enough of her and her husband’s creepy flesh-coloured beard. The only way we could see more of her specifically is to buy those indecent images of her from Playboy magazine – and no one here wants to waste their spare coins on that.
Watching them attempting to construct entire sentences onscreen, without the aid of hair twirling, is tiresome enough in small doses. It would be torturous to indulge their shenanigans a full 30-minutes at a time. Well okay, that’s a little harsh…
Heidi isn’t so bad, not really. So long as you don’t mind My Little Pony’s straw-coloured-weave being flicked in the direction of the camera every third minute. She’s one of the less annoying cast members on The Hills, as at least she seems to know that she’s an insufferable, insignificant Barbie doll.
Her husband Spencer is the more annoying of the two. Mainly as he seems to have no idea just how off-putting his facial hair is. It’s awful. It scares small children. It’s all bristles and is probably the only thing coarse enough for Heidi to brush her pony mane with.
In spite of being distinctly intolerable, they seem to be allowed to find new ways to inflict pain on the public. First a book, then a reality show of their own. Before we know it, they’ll be releasing the obligatory clothing line of ill-fitting sweatshop gear and a perfume that smells of despair.
From The Huffington Post:
In an interview […] the couple told The Associated Press they’re shopping the idea around to various networks. They said that while “The Hills” ? which doesn’t acknowledge its cast members’ fame ? only focuses on a small part of their lives, their own show would reveal everything that happens to them. They also said they’d be even be willing to include live segments. “You don’t get to see our everyday lives and what we do,” Heidi Pratt said.? But the Pratts also said they don’t plan to leave “The Hills” and hope to appear in both shows.
This was a guest blog by Amy Grindhouse, the sweetheart.
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magnetite says
This is surely (hopefully) only some kind of marketer’s thought experiment.
Along the lines of “What’s the most blatantly dreadful brand that we could possibly try to flog to the public; other than Shit-In-A-Can and Scaly Bob’s leper semen & glass shard mouthwash?”