Have you heard? Sesame Street is celebrating its 40th anniversary.

Just think about that. Four decades of Sesame Street falsely teaching children that the last letter of the alphabet is ‘zee’ instead of ‘zed’. Four decades of Sesame Street teaching children to laugh in an unconvincing east European accent whenever they count to five. Four decades of Sesame Street showing slightly underwhelming short-form documentaries about bottle factories.

And four decades of solid gold musical performances. For a kid’s TV show, Sesame Street has played host to some genuinely incredible musical acts in its time, and here’s a list of our favourites. Do let us know if we’ve missed any out…

10 – Tony Bennett, Little Things

Where Tony Bennett tells a child that she shouldn’t hurry to grow up because he believes in little things “like colours in the sky”. Which we believe is a polite way of telling her that when you get old your teeth fall out and sometimes you accidentally wet yourself. Charming, nonetheless.

9 – Feist, 1,2,3,4

A spectacular puppet-heavy recreation of Feist’s famous 1,2,3,4 video. So preposterously delightful that you can even forgive Sesame Street for teaching children to find value in bland coffee shop music.

8 – Norah Jones, Don’t Know Y

A true multi-tasker of a performance. Not only does Norah Jones teach children about the letter Y and sing her best-known song, but it is also more likely to put children to sleep faster than any other song ever performed on Sesame Street by anyone.

7 – REM, Furry Happy Monsters

Who knew – re-recording old songs with new lyrics and singing them next to a bunch of dangerously bipolar puppets actually improves them. You learn something new every day.

6 – James Blunt, My Triangle

Yes, look, it’s James Blunt. And everyone knows how much of a knobshine James Blunt is. But, admit it, at one point during this song you thought “Hey, maybe James Blunt isn’t so bad after all.” Didn’t you? It’s OK. It’s our secret.

5 – Billy Joel, Just The Way You Are

Of all the lessons that Sesame Street ever taught us, this one has stayed with us the longest – that whenever Billy Joel sings, it’s OK to shout abuse at him and to repeatedly tell his deaf friend to go away. Remember that, kids. One day it might come in handy.

4 – Destiny’s Child, A New Way To Walk

Not so much for the song itself, or the tortured way that the song is introduced, but for the moment two and a half minutes in when Grover comes perilously close to having his eye taken out by Beyonce’s wayward crotch.

3 – Johnny Cash, Nasty Dan

This is just immense – it’s a battle of wits between mean old Johnny Cash and mean old Oscar The Grouch. Who comes out on top? No contest – the sneer that Cash gives Oscar after Oscar tells him that Nasty Pearl sounds OK could freeze blood. Terrifying.

2 – Paul Simon, Me & Julio Down By The Schoolyard

Not that the little girl next to him seems to think it’s called Me & Julio Down By The Schoolyard, though – in her head it’s clearly called Dance Dance Dance Dance Dance Alright Dance Dance Dance EVERYBODY DANCE EVERYBODY DANCE OH YOU CAN DANCE WITH ME YOU CAN DANCE WITH ME Dance Dance Dance Dance Dance. Almost illegally heartwarming.

1 – Stevie Wonder, Superstition

Now this is just in a different league. Stevie Wonder, before he got fat and rubbish, singing a glorious six-minute song about the dangers of organised religion to a group of impressionable children, some of whom have more of the funk than we will ever fully begin to comprehend. Not just the greatest musical performance on Sesame Street, but maybe one of the best videos of all time. Perfect.

BONUS VIDEO: Stevie Wonder again

He doesn’t just sing his own songs, you know. Stevie Wonder also makes up throwaway songs about Sesame Street. And they rule, too. Amazing.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter

More then likely because it’s not real.

But for once we have to hold our massive hands up and admit that someone does actually know where the sodding place is. Would you believe it, the person in question is the most unlikely of sources; none other then publicity-seeking semi-celebrity and occasional footballer David Beckham.

Perhaps he stumbled on the Street after getting lost on his journey back from training to his fifty-seven bathroomed mansion. You do have to feel sorry for the poor kid, seeing as he has probably just learned the difference between left and right.

The new football season is yet to kick off, meaning it must be the kind of time when all professionals in the game are looking for something to do – if it isn’t polishing up on their roasting skills, then its whoring yourself out for bread-based rewards.

So what are the UK’s finest footballing export and pointless wife thinking of doing to dominate every media opportunity available? Clashing our heads together, we’ve come to realise that the only realistic TV appearances Becks could make would be for his personal mental development – a journey of educational discover in one of America’s fine learning institutions. But which one?

Let’s face it; do you really think that he could turn up to some fancy looking high school like in One Tree Hill without looking out of place? No. In fact, the only place he could squeeze in and almost look like he fit in would be at Bayside High with AC Slater and the gang, as David donned Lycra to try out for the homoerotic wrestling team. Though that’s not really an option now, with most of the Saved By The Bell cast (read: Screech) off doing porn and things.

No, the typical American school (off of TV) is no place for thirty three-year-old bloke with such a hectic lifestyle. As we all know, he’s too busy when he isn’t playing football, looking after his wife and pretending to care about her latest trauma when she doesn’t get the latest pair of six inch Jimmy Choo heels in custard yellow.

So what is the best alternative place of learning for an American? If you haven’t realised already, it’s Sesame Street. The show has been running for thirty nine series and is still going strong – though sadly for the UK, we never recieved the full benefit of the program like our American counterparts, with the show ceasing to be aired in favour of The Hoobs. Strangely though, despite their extra years of education, our friends across the pond still sometimes come across as a bit slow.

Show bosses have picked up on David Beckham’s fascination with Sesame Street, and though there is the distinct possibility that his young children know better than daddy does that Bert, Ernie, Big Bird and Elmo aren’t actually real, we aren’t about to ruin the illusion. After all, we don’t want tears before the bedtime milk and cookies are served. A source told Closer magazine:

“David has always been a huge fan. When he was a kid he watched it and knew all the characters.”

See! He knows all the characters! All of the people who said that a bag of spanners were more intelligent than David Beckham can just leave the building now.

So what’s he actually going to be doing? Because the show is educational and all that, there isn’t going to be a special football-based version of the programme with David demonstrating his flicks, kicks and other fancy tricks. Closer again informs us that he’ll:

“Teach Elmo how to spell his favourite word. And you never guess what it is! Not posh, foot or ball – it’s persistent.”

Persistent? We thought that ‘ball’ or ‘goal’ would be obvious, but persistent? Could that be used in a sentence commonly uttered by Becks? “My wife is persistent in grabbing limelight for herself” or “My wife is persistent in her quest to not just be written off as a footnote in the history of celebrity.”

Besides, we thought Elmo’s favourite word would be hamburger. You learn something every day it seems.

But these days it looks as if Sesame Street’s standards have slipped a little. Previous Sesame Street guests have included Maya Angelou, Buzz Aldrin, Lou Rawls, BB King and one of Cheech And Chong. But who’s the latest celebrity name to hit Sesame Street? Noted intellectual David Beckham, that’s who.

However, as weird as it may seem for David Beckham to appear on Sesame Street, we’re sure that mixing Beckham together with toddlers and gonkish puppets will only yield positive results. Who knows, David Beckham might even learn how to count up to six if he concentrates hard enough.

David Beckham must be a bit of a loose end over in America, which isn’t surprising given that his move there was a bit of a horrible failure. Although David Beckham’s move to LA Galaxy was greeted with the kind of fanfares and creepy waxwork representations that Americans do so well, it’s all fallen on its arse a bit since then.

Plagued by injury, David Beckham’s US move meant that he didn’t single-handedly make Americans like football or even help his team do very well in its league like he was supposed to, plus Victoria Beckham’s dreams of becoming an American TV star have died a soggy death. Worse still, the Beckhams made friends with Tom Cruise, which means they probably now spend over eight hours a day just idly thinking about Tom Cruise’s incredible arse.

However, things aren’t all bad for David Beckham because a) he earns more money in a second than every generation of your family past and future put together will ever earn, and b) he’s filmed an appearance on Sesame Street. The Sun reports:

A source said: “David has always been a huge fan of the show. When he was a kid he watched it, like a lot of people, and knew all the characters. He was more than happy to go on. He loves dealing with kids and thought it would be a great way to get through to them. He has developed a great understanding speaking to children with his own boys and through his coaching at the Beckham soccer schools. He had a great time filming it, a real laugh.”

David Beckham chose to talk about the word ‘persistance’, by the way, because it’s the word that means the most to him, and also because ’systematically avoiding any mention of Rebecca Loos in public’ isn’t really a word.

Anyway, a Sesame Street appearance can really change the public’s perception of a celebrity – from Robert DeNiro puncturing his self-importance by barking like a dog to James Blunt showing he’s capable of self-deprecation by singing a song called My Triangle to Stevie Wonder making the best piece of television ever.

So we’re sure that David Beckham’s Sesame Street appearance went perfectly and will do wonders for his image. Plus David’s probably a natural around muppets – he’s been married to one for the last nine years, after all.

Thank you, we’re here all week. Try the veal.

Read more:

Becks And The Cute Redhead – The Sun