Just yesterday there were reports that Amy didn’t want her husband to come out of jail.

What is it about this family that makes them want to incarcerate their closest relatives so much?

Love?

And by ‘mental’ home, we don’t mean it in the modern-youthful sense of the word (i.e. a ‘wicked-fun time’) as if the hospice was run by clowns who could heal patient’s injuries with heavy doses of laughter.

We mean it in the traditional sense; the Syd Barrett sense; the Jon Bon Jovi sense.

Mitch is convinced that sectioning Amy is the only way to save her from killing herself. He said:

“I want her sectioned. The situation is getting out of control. I want her off the street.”

Should they ask her to go to rehab? Mitch say:

“I don’t think being somewhere for six weeks is going to cure her problems. I think it needs far more radical measures. We will take the bull by the horns and deal with it.”

Come on Mitch – we know she isn’t the prettiest girl, but her own father comparing her to a bull? That’s a tad harsh. He furthered a lot more:

“I’ve been on the phone to Amy’s manager in Los Angeles and he’s starting things rolling. They are going to be speaking to doctors, psychologists and everything else. I want Amy to be somewhere where she will be safe and where no harm can come to her. Obviously, as her dad, I will try and do what’s best for her. Unfortunately, what I think is best for Amy and what she thinks is best for her are two different things…and it might be that other parties might need to be involved…You need all four – the psychologists, the doctor, the local health authority and the next of kin – all to decide that somebody is sectionable. Now is the time to exert whatever pressure we have to try to do it. I’ve told them she is a danger to herself. There is evidence of self-harming and she’s a danger to other people because she’s attacked someone.”

Amy was released with a caution from Holborn police station yesterday morning for hitting Moroccan musician Mustapha el Mounmi after he refused to give way to her at a pool table. Mustapha said:

“I feel so angry. She smashed my face hard.”

Poor Mustapha; now he knows what a Joe Calzaghe opponent must feel like.

Then, after proceeding to play the game of pool – as poor victim Mustapha was legging it to the first policeman or journalist he could find – she allegedly head-butted a good samaritan trying to hail her a cab because – so it turns out – she thought he was trying to molest her.

Trying to molest her? What fucked-up method of taxi-hailing was he using? Maybe Amy felt the constant jerking of his thumb in an upwards movement was actually a mimed-innuendo of what he planned to do with her?

We can’t be sure as of yet if it is Amy exactly, but there is certainly some level of traditional-style mentalness going on here.

Read More – Lock Up My Amy – NOTW

Just what is the man thinking? How does he grow such testicles?
    
According to The Royalist, ex-pop-singing-sensation Lily Allen’s father (let us call him EPSSLAF) has gone on record to say:

"To this day I absolutely believe that it wasn’t an accident. I just know."

And if he doesn’t believe it was an accident, it remains only that he believes it was murder. He doesn’t appear to have elaborated on what ground he has to stand on as of yet, merely that he ‘just knows’.

A friend of Diana’s has retorted. To the Daily Mail, she said:

"It has been over 10 years and surely even he must acknowledge that we have had the most thorough of investigations. We believe nothing further can be achieved by going over ground that has now been thoroughly discredited."

Princess Diana’s case, and indeed Dodi Al Fayed’s and Henri Paul’s case, lest we forget, has been thoroughly investigated by some of Britain’s most senior judges, ergo some of the wisest, most trustworthy people in the world – ask yourself why else they would be there? Do you doubt your country?

Why would a country that bestows such delicacies as a roast dinner, The Antiques Roadshow and Alan Titchmarsh into your homes ever allow injustice to operate at such a high level? It wouldn’t. Trust, relax, forget and move on.

EPSSLAF’s comments come as news that friends of the late Princess Diana’s are, via letter, urging Mohamed Al Fayed to ‘stop saying there was a murder plot carried out by British Intelligence on the orders of Prince Philip’ – an opinion EPSSLAF has heard off Mr. Al-Fayed first hand. Interviewed for 2005 Channel Four documentary You're Fayed, Mohammed told EPSSLAF:

"All that happened to me was after the murder of my son and Diana. I challenge the bastards who done this to me, MI6, and all the time say this is by order of the Royal Family."

Lord Justice Scott Baker, coroner of the relentless case, has condemned and dismissed Mr. Al-Fayed’s theories. Even Mr Al-Fayed’s legal team have taken a step back.

And now it’s time EPSSLAF did so too.  No one cares anymore, Keith. Vindaloo was 12 years ago. Instead of spreading mad conspiracies, why not prepare your daughter for the same. (That is prepare her for 12 years of vacuousness – not a murder plot).

EPSSLAF has been making a feature-length documentary about Al-Fayed and the inquest, which he plans to premier at the Cannes Film Festival on May 14.

Story by Rupert Prickhard-Pamplin

Read More – Actor Declares: 'I Think Diana Was Murdered' – The Royalist

Read More – Allen's father to make documentary about Al-Fayed – Yahoo! Music News

That Lily Allen ­– she had us all fooled.

The publicity-mad warbler earlier this week said she would consider retiring at just 25 to have babies.

She said: “It’s a great job, but it doesn’t leave time for what’s important – like having a family.”

But at the British Fashion Awards the sneaky 22-year-old chuckled manically to herself while announcing it was big, fat lie.

Oh, and we are all fools to believe her in the first place (cue evil laugh).

Speaking to The Mirror (the newspaper that is), she revealed:

“Of course I’m not going to retire. This was the biggest joke in my life and I just cannot believe people would actually believe this junk.

“I talk crap all the time and they all know it, so how come this time they didn’t get it.

"Silly people. I am having the best time of my life.”

Who would have thought it, Lily Allen making stuff up just to get some headlines?

Or maybe it was just wishful thinking. Well, it doesn’t make us smile.

We were actually getting quite excited about not seeing her miserable face spread all over the papers again.