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La Toya Jackson To Perform At Michael Tribute, Despite Immense Crassness

by Mof Gimmers

Michael Jackson’s Misery Concert Of Cash Cowdery And Crassery (or: Michael Forever Tribute) is going ahead next weekend in Cardiff, despite the fact that absolutely no-one from Michael’s family wants it to go ahead, for fear of distracting everyone from the trial of Dr Conrad Murray. Wait. What’s that? Sorry, nearly everyone in the Jackson [...]

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The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) Trailer Shows Yorkshiremen For The Depraved Maniacs They Really Are

by Mof Gimmers

How disappointing was The Human Centipede? Very, that’s what. It wasn’t even funny bad. It was just a marvellously disgusting idea executed badly. It was a veritable snoozefest that was watched by a million people illegally online just to see what the fuss was about. At least Child’s Play managed to create some real life [...]

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Let Us All Cry At Being Elmo [Trailer]

by Mof Gimmers

Yes, yes… it’s all very well being cynical and cool all the time because it means that you never have to go out on a limb and say you like something that someone else may point out is entirely gash… but sometimes you really have to. And surely even the most cold-hearted gitwurst couldn’t fail [...]

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Michael Jackson Concert Now Contains Fearne Cotton – It’s What He Would Have Wanted

by Matthew Laidlow

Over in America, Dr. Conrad Murray is being accused of administrating some mental sounding drugs into Michael Jackson and causing him to carry out his last boogie. However, it isn’t just the remaining members of the Jacksons that he has to prove his innocence to. The singer’s children also want answers and then, we have [...]

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Conrad Murray Phoned For Cocktails While Michael Jackson Died?

by Mof Gimmers

As a doctor, presumably you know when a human is a lost cause. That’s why Dignitas exists, right? And so, if the rumours that Michael Jackson was knocking back Propofol like milk, he probably thought ‘sod it’. And who can blame him? During the Moonwalking for Justice trial, it seems that MJ was dying in [...]

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Michael Jackson’s Son Lets Family Down By Showing Pre-Court Nerves

by Mof Gimmers

The Jackson family are born performers aren’t they? Those that numbered up the Jackson 5 all loved the limelight and, in later years, so did Papa Joe with that belt-brandishing look in his eye and, of course, world-weary mother Katherine. We also got LaToya and Janet thrown in for free too, which is nice. Not [...]

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Michael Jackson Jurors Selected In The Dr. Conrad Murray Moonwalking For Justice Trial

by Matthew Laidlow

Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, roll up for what promises to be the greatest court case spectacle that the world has ever seen! In the UK, we only get hastily sketched drawings of court proceedings, sometimes making us think that cartoon characters actually carry out heinous crimes. But in America, good old fashioned [...]

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Michael Jackson’s Daughter Sleeps Inside A Jacket Or Whatever

by Mof Gimmers

With the Michael Jackson v. Conrad Murray’s Syringe court case imminent, we need to keep Jacko in the news because come the trial, we’ll need to convince ourselves that we’re informed. There’s no danger of you lot being uber-informed though because, chances are, you have absolutely no life outside of scouring the internet for articles [...]

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No Bill Murray, No Ghostbusters 3 (We Just Have To Wait For Him To Pick Up The Phone)

by Mof Gimmers

Bill Murray is not like other Hollywood actors. For starters, he’s really cool despite doing some lousy films. Apparently, he doesn’t even have an agent or manager and only looks at scripts after he’s checked the mailbox of a personal phone number… which he hardly ever checks. This could well be the reason why Ghostbusters [...]

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Jermaine Makes A Pretty Penny While Accusing Everyone Of Milking Michael Jackson’s Death

by Mof Gimmers

Michael Jackson’s death may well be very sad for those who still bought his albums post-Dangerous (yes, these people actually exist), but it hasn’t been all bad news for the world. You see, like deep sea creatures gorging on the carcass of a dead whale, Michael Jackson’s cadaver has created something of a cottage industry, [...]

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