But Lars Ulrich isn’t alone when it comes to being angry. Oh no, he is part of a band called Metallica with three other angry middle aged balding men. Maybe their belts are on too tight?

It isn’t clear if tomato ketchup, pandas or cacti add to his anger, but we know one thing that does – illegal downloading! Mention that to Lars and he’ll knock you into the future. But he appears to be having a change of heart. He’s just admitted to stealing music off the internet.

Now, it would have been more exciting to see Lars publicly saying to a group like The Saturdays “What up bitches? I’ve just downloaded your piece of shit ass album for free. What you gonna do about it?”

Unfortunately this isn’t going to happen. At least until he grows himself a bigger pair of balls anyway. You see, he didn’t illegally download an album of anyone like Leona Lewis, The Sugababes or Kelly Clarkson. Instead, he downloaded his own band’s recent album – we don’t see the point in doing that either.

Instead of sparking an internet feud with someone across the Atlantic, Lars decided to keep his downloading to a minimum. Probably so no-one gets the hump and tries to sue him. Unless he goes mental and tries to sue himself.

Does this make him a bi-downloader, since he hasn’t quite gone the full way and downloaded someone else’s work yet? Maybe not, but at least we hope that we’ve started a new buzzword for everyone to use.

Over the years, everyone has had a snigger at Metallica as Lars and his bunch of chums got all upset with Napster for letting users share their music. If anything, anyone who used up storage space on toss albums such as St Anger should be asking Lars for wasted life minutes back.

During a moment of typical angriness, Lars told VH1:

“I sat there myself and downloaded Death Magnetic from the internet just to try it,” “I was like, ‘Wow, this is how it works’. I figured if there is anybody that has a right to download Death Magnetic for free, it’s me.”

With downloading now accomplished to some extent, what’s next on the Metallica to do list? Knitting, croquet and baking won’t be involved that’s for sure – those activities don’t involve anger!

If anything, we want to see Lars Ulrich rip phonebooks apart with his bare hands, wrestle bears and drink sixteen cans of beer at once. Grr, that’s what real angry men do. Once that’s achieved, he’ll have our ultimate respect.

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And are we ever excited. In just 79 short days we’ll get to see the likes of Run-DMC, Metallica and Bobby Womac get inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame – literally the place to be if you’re a fan of both brain-aching corporate bureaucracy and the sight of people old enough to be your grandparents unironically dressed up like teenagers and looking a bit confused.

We can’t wait. We literally can’t wait. Oh, no, our mistake. We can wait. Sorry.

The thing we love most of all about the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame – even more than watching a handful of creatively-spent old men who all hated each other for decades being forced together for the sake of an ultimately meaningless award – is the show’s process.

We’re being serious. The voting and presentation of the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame has been specifically designed to maximise the public’s excitement. First comes the incredibly long voting procedure, followed by a big announcement of some of the bands who might make it into the hall. Then, just four short months later, the inductees are finally announced. And then, just four short months later, there’s the induction show itself. Whew! Talk about whistlestop!

So hold onto your hats, everyone, because we’ve just reached the blistering middle stage of the process. The 2009 inductees for the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame have just been announced, and there’s only a third of a titting year to wait until anyone does anything about it.

So, then, the names of the bands to be inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame this year – which you’re instantly going to forget anyway so there’s not really much point – are Run-DMC, Metallica, Bobby Womac Little Anthony And The Imperials, Wanda Jackson, Bill Black, DJ Fontana and Spooner Oldham.

Luckily, it seems like all the inductees realise that what they’re being inducted into is basically just a showy circlejerk for music industry insiders and that none of it really matters, as Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich told Newsday:

“[It shows] we are part of the big picture. We are a link in a chain of everyone that’s come before and everyone that’s come after you. I love how it all fits together.”

OK, so maybe not all of the inductees realised that none of it really matters. But, credit where it’s due, Metallica are a link in chain of everyone that’s come before and everyone that’s come after. They’re quite an obvious link, too, because all the links before them are quite good and the link at the other end of the chain is Fred Durst. They must be so proud.

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Why is it our favourite time of the year? Because we know that from hereon in, it’s going to be a whistlestop pedal-to-the-metal seven-month funride until the bands eventually chosen to go into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame get properly inducted. Seven months. Seven poxy months that we’ll never get back. Fun.

So who could be going into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame next year? Why only Run-DMC, Metallica, The Stooges, Jeff Beck, Wanda Jackson, Chic, Little Anthony And The Imperials, Bobby Womack and War. That’s War the concept of organised military disputes between feuding nations and not War the 1970s jazz-funk fusion band responsible for hits like Why Can’t We Be Friends, by the way. That struck us as weird, too.

Of all the different ways that the Rock And Roll Hall Of fame can make you angry – like the awkwardness of reuniting bands or the desperately bad musical tributes or the inescapable fact that none of it actually matters in the slightest – we think we’ve found a new one.

It’s exactly the same every year. Every year Chic get nominated for the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame, and every year The Stooges get nominated for the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame and every year neither of them do because of the long-winded and confusing multi-stage voting process. Do you know what it’s like knowing that you’ve got to write exactly the same thing about Chic and The Stooges every year? Do you? It’s bloody awful.

However, this year we’ve got our fingers crossed really tight for both The Stooges and Chic get inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame. We think they will, as well, because most of the other nominees this year are crap. But first we’ve got to wade through seven months of bureaucratic nonsense. Reports Reuters:

Artists become eligible for the Hall of Fame 25 years after the release of their first single or album and are represented in an exhibition at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum in Cleveland, Ohio. More than 500 music industry professionals will choose five of the nominees for the 24th annual induction on April 4 in Cleveland. The inductees will be announced in January.

So who’s been nominated for induction into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame? Here’s our rundown.

Run-DMC - Rappers responsible for hits like Walk This Way. DMC actually stands for Dog Muck Clodge, after the time that Reverend Run once made a fanny out of some dogshit.

Metallica – Heavy metal group responsible for hits like Enter Sandman. Now more famous for their film Some Kind Of Monster where they all sat in a circle, wanked each other off and then cleaned bugs out of each other’s fur with their fingers than for their music.

Bobbie Womack – Responsible for hits like Let Me Kiss It Where It Hurts. Legally changed his name to Bobbie Womack from the original Boobie Woman in 1974.

Jeff Beck – Responsible for hits like Rock My Plimsoul. Actually invented the guitar – before him, people just used tennis raquets and their own mouths.

Chic – Responsible for hits like Freak Out and Good Times. One of the most influential bands in history, Chic’s fingerprints can be felt all over everything from No Surprises by Radiohead to Here Comes The Bride.

Wanda Jackson – Responsible for hits like Funnel Of Love. Having studied at RADA, Jackson’s first achieved fame with her role in Ken Russell’s Women In Love before becoming a household name with her portrayal of Queen Elizabeth I of England in the BBC’s 1971 blockbuster serial, Elizabeth R. Now a Labour backbencher representing Hampstead and Highgate.

Little Anthony And The Imperials – Responsible for hits like Shimmy, Shimmy Ko-Ko-Bop. Named ironically, since the band were all medieval peasants and Little Anthony was actually Megatron from Transformers.

The Stooges – Responsible for hits like Search And Destroy. Recently reformed, The Stooges now play concerts exclusively at wakes and pet bar mitzvahs.

War - Responsible for hits like Spill The Wine. One of War’s songs was performed at the end of Lethal Weapon 4. For allowing this to happen, everyone in War is legally a twat.

You’re welcome.

Popsugar has a book club. A book club. Can you imagine the comment wars if we actually made you go and read a book? Insanity – Popsugar

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Cavemen and other badly dressed warriors have been caught up in thousands of blood curdling wars. Some so ferocious and terrifying that Ross Kemp’s gang programme makes him look soft compared to Roman Emperors and Greek Gods who ate babies for pudding.

When people saw sense, removed their spears from their rivals’ intestines and vowed never to fight again, the world became a better place. But then again, these ancient fighters never had to deal with celebrity folk flinging words at each other today. In the creaking era of Britpop, it was Blur vs Oasis, and today everyone is entitled to have a pop at Kerry Katona. Some people, however, feel that arguments with humans are pointless. Why bicker with someone who could counter your argument when you can do it with a technology that can’t respond? Metallica’s James Hetfield certainly thinks so.

Back in the day when most people were illegally filesharing via Napster, Metallica decided that people spreading their angry music for free was a bad thing. We wholeheartedly agree. Who could be arsed to listen to an album full of shouty ramblings when the same effect could be achieved by visiting a working men’s club at throwing-out time? Drunken old people are an untapped source of amusement and chaos. Napster founder Shawn Fanning and whiny drummer Lars Ulrich got at each others throats for a while before resolving their differences over a cup of cocoa and a slice of lemon tart at a local café. We think.

Whilst filesharing gave fans the chance to listen and try out music for free, YouTube is the 21st century version of this for the lazy gig-goer. Don’t fancy spending £50 on a gig ticket? Not bothered about being covered in sweat and piss? Never felt like experiencing a kick in the face from a crowd surfer? Then YouTube is the website for you.

After most major gigs, fans post their experiences for everyone to see. Granted, the picture quality is like playing a glitchy version of Tetris and the sound is like a chainsaw going through brick but don’t worry! If you concentrate really hard, you can maybe make out the chord of a song for a split second. At Metallica’s recent gig in the O2 arena, the sight of the bands fans recording the gig in thirty-second chunks boiled James Hetfield’s piss to make him as narked off as Lars Ulrich. Digital Spy reports:

“Hetfield addressed the crowd early in the show and said: “Put the f***ing cameras away, put the phones away.”

With their new album already leaked all over the internet, some craptastic quality recordings of a promotional gig for the album really can’t do that much harm can they? Maybe they can collaborate with Prince to ban all their material from YouTube. Maybe they can call any material that comes from these anti YouTube sessions Self Centered Twattery Aid. Prince has issues with the internet remember, but not newspapers giving his albums away for free.

Why did Hetfield think the crowd were recording him and his fellow rockers? For all he knew they could have been bored shitless and ringing their mates, ordering a cab after the gig had finished, or ordering a pizza to be delivered outside the venue.

Oh, and you get to be complete and total prannocks about seemingly everything involving the internet, yet still somehow manage to maintain the credibility that would clearly be destroyed if you were any other musical act in the world. Things, they are strange.

For this time Metallica have decided that allowing people they have invited to listen to their new music to review it would be something of a cardinal sin. Possibly on a par with the holocaust, but we’re still waiting for a quote on that one.

It all began a few days ago when the band invited a number of music journalists to hear their new material, somewhere in London. These critics gorged their aural senses with the gravelly-voiced delights of James Hetfield and co. and returned to their respective abodes, fresh in the knowledge that they could freely impart their newfound wisdom to the fans of the world.

Unfortunately, these journos seemed to forget that to satiate the hunger of these waiting Metallica fans they would have to use the tool most hated by the band: the internet. In using this evil device – which was probably crafted by Satan no less – the information pertaining to the new album was uploaded onto a few blogs.

Good God, what were they thinking?!

It didn’t take too long for Metallica to get wind of this though, and soon enough they were out bullying the sites where reviews were hosted, forcing them to withdraw the offending articles.

Just as with the horror that was Napster and its ridiculous idea of a future where digital distribution could thrive, the tiny, underprivileged band managed to safeguard their music and their reputation once more.

So thank you, Metallica. Thank you for being so utterly, completely and totally insane. Thank you for hating technology, discouraging innovation and stamping down on all those far smaller than you. It makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside to know that you’re still a bunch of tossers.