Lars Ulrich Pops His Illegal Downloading Cherry

We all know that Lars Ulrich is an angry man. He’s so angry that drumkits literally weep when they know he is nearby.

But Lars Ulrich isn’t alone when it comes to being angry. Oh no, he is part of a band called Metallica with three other angry middle aged balding men. Maybe their belts are on too tight?

It isn’t clear if tomato ketchup, pandas or cacti add to his anger, but we know one thing that does – illegal downloading! Mention that to Lars and he’ll knock you into the future. But he appears to be having a change of heart. He’s just admitted to stealing music off the internet.

Now, it would have been more exciting to see Lars publicly saying to a group like The Saturdays “What up bitches? I’ve just downloaded your piece of shit ass album for free. What you gonna do about it?”

Unfortunately this isn’t going to happen. At least until he grows himself a bigger pair of balls anyway. You see, he didn’t illegally download an album of anyone like Leona Lewis, The Sugababes or Kelly Clarkson. Instead, he downloaded his own band’s recent album – we don’t see the point in doing that either.

Instead of sparking an internet feud with someone across the Atlantic, Lars decided to keep his downloading to a minimum. Probably so no-one gets the hump and tries to sue him. Unless he goes mental and tries to sue himself.

Does this make him a bi-downloader, since he hasn’t quite gone the full way and downloaded someone else’s work yet? Maybe not, but at least we hope that we’ve started a new buzzword for everyone to use.

Over the years, everyone has had a snigger at Metallica as Lars and his bunch of chums got all upset with Napster for letting users share their music. If anything, anyone who used up storage space on toss albums such as St Anger should be asking Lars for wasted life minutes back.

During a moment of typical angriness, Lars told VH1:

“I sat there myself and downloaded Death Magnetic from the internet just to try it,” “I was like, ‘Wow, this is how it works’. I figured if there is anybody that has a right to download Death Magnetic for free, it’s me.”

With downloading now accomplished to some extent, what’s next on the Metallica to do list? Knitting, croquet and baking won’t be involved that’s for sure – those activities don’t involve anger!

If anything, we want to see Lars Ulrich rip phonebooks apart with his bare hands, wrestle bears and drink sixteen cans of beer at once. Grr, that’s what real angry men do. Once that’s achieved, he’ll have our ultimate respect.

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