Posts tagged as:

Matt Damon

Matt Damon’s Wife Pregnant With Matt Damon’s Baby

by Stuart Heritage

Like many people, Matt Damon’s boyishly handsome face routinely fools us into thinking that he’s not old enough to produce sperm in his testes yet.

But he is. Because Matt Damon is 37 years old, which is plenty old enough to knock his wife up a bunch of times. And just to remind of that fact, Matt Damon has got his wife Luciana pregnant again.

Matt Damon’s reps haven’t confirmed how far along Luciana is but that’s beside the point – the point is that we’re a maximum of nine months away from hearing the latest, most harrowing, legally-questionable and morally-dubious version of I’m Fucking Matt Damon the world has ever seen.

1 comment Read more >>>

VIDEO: Jimmy Kimmel & Ben Affleck Effing Each Other

by Stuart Heritage

Remember that video about Sarah Silverman having sex with Matt Damon and how you thought it was funny but sort of wished that nobody would dilute it by imitating it.

Well, consider it imitated. Imitated by Sarah Silverman’s boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel. You see, if Sarah Silverman is fucking Matt Damon, then in the new video Jimmy Kimmel is fucking Ben Affleck.

And the video is hilarious, really. Because, you know, Jimmy Kimmel and Ben Affleck are both men, and if they’re both having sex with each other then that means they’re gay. And gay is funny these days, right? It’s OK to laugh at gay people, because it shows you understand them. But don’t let them touch you. Never let them actually touch you. Ugh.

2 comments Read more >>>

Matt Damon: Sexier Than Us, Apparently

by Stuart Heritage

In addition to gloom, cold and toffee apples, November is primarily famous for making all men everywhere feel like flabby globs of unattractive and unloved cholesterol, thanks to People’s Sexiest Man Alive list.

2007 marks the 19th straight year that we – like all other men if they’re honest – have spent the second week of November fretting about what position we’ll get in People’s Sexiest Man Alive list, only to experience near-suicidal despair for up to a month as we realise that, once again, some people who have never met, seen or spoken to us have decided that we aren’t even worth of being in the Sexiest Man Alive top ten. Not even the bottom of the list where they keep the Afflecks.

For what it’s worth, People magazine has this year decided that Matt Damon is the sexiest man alive. But all you really need to know is that it’s not us, and we’re perfectly OK with that. No, really.

0 comments Read more >>>

Next Entries →