Articles tagged with: Lily Allen
It’s a little later in the week than we’re used to seeing it but, here’s this week’s drunken catastrophe, folks: Lily Allen.
Who had bets on Lily Allen for this week? Odds were vastly in favor of another Amy Winehouse meltdown, but when Lily Allen showed up at the Glamour Magazine awards with bright pink hair and that glistening, boozy glow, she quickly became the hammered, career plummeting favourite.
And sure not to disappoint, we can all enjoy Lily Allen’s victory speech, also known as the morning after regretful blog entry.
Ex-pop-singing-sensation Lily Allen’s father (or - as he was once known - ‘Keith Allen’) has told one ‘n’ all he’s of the fancy that our Lady Diana, Princess of Wales, did not die because of some arbitrary misfortune, but that she was in fact dealt the somewhat more illegal misfortune of murder.
Just what is the man thinking? How does he grow such testicles?
According to The Royalist, ex-pop-singing-sensation Lily Allen’s father (let us call him EPSSLAF) has gone on record to say:
"To this day I absolutely believe that it wasn’t an accident. I just know."
And if he doesn’t believe it was an accident, it remains only that he believes it was murder. He doesn’t appear to have elaborated on what ground he has to stand on as of yet, merely that he ‘just knows’.
Despite the initial series drawing in less viewers than The Paint Dry Update Channel on a slow news night, BBC 3 has decided to bring back TV disaster Lily Allen And Friends for a second series.
Quite what the general - and licence-paying, we might add - public has done to deserve this is anyone's guess. Maybe the BBC has some secret plan to put us all into a coma so they can get away with showing Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps reruns all day long without anyone complaining.
Or killing themselves.
James Corden is the sexiest man in show business. If you're a girl you fancy him, if you're a guy and gay you fancy him, if you're a guy and straight you're considering it.
Actually, hell, yes of course you would. And so would Lily Allen - so fast it would make your head spin. For those that have not met James Corden, let us enlighten you as to exactly what makes the man so special.
Apart from being so damn talented you want to ram his head in a vice and squeeze, it turns out he is actually so nice, so pleasant and so modest you want to take his head out of the vice then shove your own in there because you feel so guilty about dissing him in the first place. Yes, we are fans, and that leads us back to Lily Allen.
Historians know that the end of the Napoleonic War came when Napoleon's wife had drunken vomity sex with another man and the Duke of Wellington felt a bit sorry for him.
And now history has repeated itself. Following the revelation that Cheryl Cole's husband Ashley Cole loved nothing more than to dick a bunch of slappers while throwing up the contents of his guts all over them, Cheryl Cole's arch-nemesis Lily Allen has called a truce.
That's right - the ferocious Allen-Cole war is over. Maybe if politicians were more like Lily Allen the world would be a better place. Although if more politicians were like Lily Allen there'd be a lot more shambling amateurish BBC Three chat shows. Probably best that they're not, then.
First the bad news, then the good - Lily Allen has become a little bit unemployed; but at least it means you won't be blindsided by pictures of her in her bra any more.
Fancy lingerie firm Agent Provocateur has decided to ditch Lily Allen as the face of its company, it's been reported.
Although Lily Allen is said to be 'gutted' about being dropped, the news does now mean that the only times you'll ever see Lily Allen in her bra are if you stalk her with a video camera or if she's about to have sex with you. Either way, we have the number of a very good doctor we'd like you to have.
New BBC 3 show Lily Allen And Friends is in trouble. And not just due to the rubbish title - although surely a more accurate name would be Lily Allen And A Bunch Of Z-List Hangers-On Who'll Vanish As Soon As Her Fame Begins To Dwindle, Therefore Leaving Her With Nothing Better To Do Than Record An Embarrassing Christmas 2009 Novelty Record With Her Father.
The idea seemed like a rating winner at first. Get one of the most high profile pop stars of the moment to front an inane and unchallenging chatfest with some equally dim celebrity mates.
Then? Then came the studio recording, and the point at which things didn't so much go downhill as start tunnelling to the centre of the Earth like that weird drill-vehicle from The Core. And - after disappointing the live audience so much that a good percentage of them walked out - Lily has now seen this failure to engage reflected in the broadcast arena.
OK, if any other celebrities are pregnant, now's the time to step forward - first it was Jamie Lynn Spears and now it's Lily Allen, so who's next? Amy Winehouse? Judy Finnegan? The girl from the Confused.com advert?
Never mind, let's just try and concern ourselves with Lily Allen for the time being. The Sun is reporting that Lily Allen is pregnant with a baby fathered by her Chemical Brother boyfriend of three months, and that she's apparently thrilled about it all. Nothing else is known about Lily Allen's pregnancy, but you can bet that Lily is praying for triplets, just so that she can test out breastfeeding from all three of her nipples at once. Triplets is the dream, of course, although we hear that Lily Allen would be equally excited about giving birth to twins and then letting an orphaned animal like a fieldmouse or a bean goose suckle on her third nipple, hereafter known as 'the overspill nub'.
