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Lily Allen

Lily Allen And Other Musical Chums Enlisted To End The World’s War

by Matthew Laidlow

If you’re reading this, you’re probably scum of the earth. Not because you kick small children, but because you haven’t appeared in Heat magazine.

Being a celebrity rocks because it gives you a higher vantage point over normal people. So what if you won a reality show five years ago, that ounce of fame means you can still be photographed picking up dogmuck five years later and newspapers will brand it as news.

Famous people often branch out from what they’re known for to make us believe they care about other people. This is what Lily Allen and a host of others have done – they’ve all contributed to War Child’s new album.

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WEBTHUMP! Monday 1 December 2008

by Stuart Heritage

9 – Want to make an exfoliating salt rub? OK! – Instructables

8 – An unashamedly cute video of a girl winding up Kermit The Frog – YouTube

7 – Saturn V in slow motion – Liveleak

6 – True Blood or Twilight? Which fictional vampire would you rather bone? – BuddyTV

5 – Got an iPhone? Then here are some apps that’ll make you look even more like an immense tosspot – Cracked

4 – Microscopic photography of basically all the evil things that live in your hair. Amongst other things – Darkroastedblend

3 – There aren’t enough words in the English language to describe how much we want one of these – Lifehacker

2 – No no no no NO maggots no – I Am Bored

1 – More about the new Lily Allen album than you could ever wish to read. No, really. Ever – Popjustice

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Lily Allen Has A Ding-Dong With Elton John. Booze Involved

by Stuart Heritage

Lily Allen and Elton John have a lot in common – for example, they both have funny hair and they’re both gay men.

But the thing that Lily Allen and Elton John share more than anything else is a love of a public scrap. Watch Lily or Elton for long enough and you’ll either see a) an extraordinary temper tantrum or b) nothing at all because Lily Allen’s punched your eyes off.

So it made perfect sense that, at last night’s GQ awards, the hosts were Lily Allen and Elton John. And things were going just peachy, at least until Lily Allen got hammered on free champagne and started effing andjeffing at Elton John, who then appeared to boast about how brilliant he was at drugs. Honestly, those two are just like Richard and Judy, only gayer and with one more nipple than you’d expect.

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Lily Allen Delivers Street Justice on Video. Also: Swears a Lot.

by Ian Dransfield

Lily Allen – she’s that one who had pink hair, a godawful TV show and is generally a waste of space. Yeah, that sounds about right. Well now it would seem she’s got herself into MMA – that’s mixed martial arts – with some hardcore street fighting action. Well, hardcore may be a bit far, [...]

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Lily Allen To Save Us All From Knife Crime

by Matthew Laidlow

Sun is in the sky oh why oh why would I wanna be anywhere else? Sun is in the sky oh why oh why, would I wanna be anywhere else?

These are just some of the lyrics that pop starlet Lily Allen wrote about London town, even though London is a city. But never mind her poor geography knowledge for now; we’ve got bigger problems to concentrate on.

As we’ve all seen in the newspapers, knife crime is currently depressing everyone in the UK and making pensioners believe all the yoof of today will stab them, so thank god that Lily Allen has oddly stepped in to save us all from being stabbed by an eight-year-old for a packet of sherbet. There is a god. And she seems to have three nipples.

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Sorry America. Lily Allen Is Coming Your Way Real Soon

by Matthew Laidlow

Hecklerspray are a bunch of merry people who would never inflict any harm on you. We’d do anything to help you out. Say you thought some Russian military types had tampered with your food; we’d be there to help you. Sure, we’d be putting our own life at risk as we gingerly slurped your tomato [...]

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Kids, Don’t Be A Sloppy, Pink-Haired Drunk Like Lily Allen, Says Lily Allen

by hecklerspray staff

It’s a little later in the week than we’re used to seeing it but, here’s this week’s drunken catastrophe, folks: Lily Allen.

Who had bets on Lily Allen for this week? Odds were vastly in favor of another Amy Winehouse meltdown, but when Lily Allen showed up at the Glamour Magazine awards with bright pink hair and that glistening, boozy glow, she quickly became the hammered, career plummeting favourite.

And sure not to disappoint, we can all enjoy Lily Allen’s victory speech, also known as the morning after regretful blog entry.

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Princess Diana Was ‘Murdered’ According To Lily Allen’s Dad

by hecklerspray staff

Princess Diana Was ‘Murdered’ According To Lily Allen’s DadEx-pop-singing-sensation Lily Allen’s father (or – as he was once known – ‘Keith Allen’) has told one ‘n’ all he’s of the fancy that our Lady Diana, Princess of Wales, did not die because of some arbitrary misfortune, but that she was in fact dealt the somewhat more illegal misfortune of murder.

Just what is the man thinking? How does he grow such testicles?

According to The Royalist, ex-pop-singing-sensation Lily Allen’s father (let us call him EPSSLAF) has gone on record to say:

To this day I absolutely believe that it wasn’t an accident. I just know.

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Lily Allen TV Show To Return For Some Reason

by C J Davies

Despite the initial series drawing in less viewers than The Paint Dry Update Channel on a slow news night, BBC 3 has decided to bring back TV disaster Lily Allen And Friends for a second series.

Quite what the general – and licence-paying, we might add – public has done to deserve this is anyone’s guess. Maybe the BBC has some secret plan to put us all into a coma so they can get away with showing Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps reruns all day long without anyone complaining.

Or killing themselves.

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Lily Allen Wants To Hump James Corden

by Chris Laverty

James Corden is the sexiest man in show business. If you’re a girl you fancy him, if you’re a guy and gay you fancy him, if you’re a guy and straight you’re considering it.

Actually, hell, yes of course you would. And so would Lily Allen – so fast it would make your head spin. For those that have not met James Corden, let us enlighten you as to exactly what makes the man so special.

Apart from being so damn talented you want to ram his head in a vice and squeeze, it turns out he is actually so nice, so pleasant and so modest you want to take his head out of the vice then shove your own in there because you feel so guilty about dissing him in the first place. Yes, we are fans, and that leads us back to Lily Allen.

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