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hecklerspray is massively gay. We’re so queer it hurts. Even the straight ‘spreezies are super ‘mo. You don’t care about that. You want to know whether Kelly Clarkson is a lesbian, for whatever nefarious reasons you have.
So is she?
Well, she doesn’t give the ‘bian ‘bian vibe to us. Not one bit. She couldn’t possibly smell of sex with another woman. Not that this has stopped people speculating that she is. And Kel’ wants to tell us all about it.
If it wasn’t for this year’s limp X-Factor judging panel lineup, then nobody would have a chuffing clue who Tulisa was. The nation are still mourning the loss of everyone’s number one toilet attendant batterer, Cheryl Cole. She had been doing a fine job at crying at any opportunity, but times are always-a-changing.
This year saw a shed load of changes that were designed to keep us frothing at the mouth until the excitement of X-factor blew our heads clean off our shoulders. Alongside Cheryl, Simon and Dannii had been told to sod off, leaving Louis Walsh left to remind viewers of where acts hailed from. Konnie Huq had been given the chop from the spin off show, despite being married to Charlie Brooker, who everyone is legally obliged to like.
We’re quite a way into the show now and we still don’t really know much about Tulisa. Granted, she’s in comedy act N-Dubz but that’s about it. In a vague attempt to make us all believe that Frankie Cocozza isn’t the only one having all the sex out of everyone on the programme, Tulisa was asked some probing questions herself. The response? Not exactly ghetto.
Denise Richards is a woman created by teenage boy’s minds. That’s exactly why Charlie Sheen shacked up with her. And of course, what with Richards being the world’s greatest wit, she has a lot to say about her appearance.
Basically, she’d like to make the arrested developed among you excited by talking about her boobies and the fact she was a lesbian briefly.
Next, she’ll be talking about how much she likes playing video games and having sex with jobless layabouts with bad acne who live off 10p crisps.
You know that Taylor Momsen, that teenage girl who acts seems to spend most of her life acting like a bit of a slag, wearing too much eye makeup and singing in that band that you still haven’t heard of? Well she’s been up to her old tricks again.
The Pretty Reckless singer, who used to be some sort of television star had previously gotten her underage baps out at a gig, gave a rather steamy lapdance to a female fan at a gig in Barcelona and even allowed another fan to give her chesticles a good ol’ fashioned grope.
ROCK N’ ROLL!
Who the hell would want to be a model? Seriously it’s the most over glamorised profession in the world. Not only are the people behind the scenes total divs, as Channel 4’s documentary The Model Agency shows, but the people paid to waltz along the catwalk in clothes nobody will ever buy are modelled by folk that could easily work in a fast food restaurant.
Well that isn’t exactly true, some models do become household names like Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell.
One of the younger stars of the modelling world is Daisy Lowe. She’s currently going out with geeky looking Matt Smith, aka the bloke who goes back in time in Dr. Who(GivesAShit). She’s also escaped the clutches of hipster musician Mark Ronson, so she can look after herself.
Katy Perry? We just don’t know what all the fuss is about. We have been kissing girls for years and liking it. It’s not exactly earth-shattering news, is it?
Maybe the title could have been: ‘I saw a bear, and it took a dump in the woods’ or even ‘I saw the Pope, and he was a Catholic’. Of course, we are being facetious. Katy Perry annoyingly knew exactly what she was doing.
And we fell for it hook, line and sinker. But how could the thought of an attractive girl getting it on with another girl cause such a swirl of attention?
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It’s taken a while, but now Lindsay Lohan has finally decided to open up about all that stuff we already knew about her anyway.
For the very first time, Lindsay Lohan has confessed to a magazine that she’s probably bisexual. She won’t fully commit to it for sure, just in case Samantha Ronson does turn out to be a man after all. Lindsay has, however, claimed that she doesn’t know if she wants to get married to a man or a woman yet.
Of course, Lindsay Lohan’s sexual persuasion is her business and hers alone. If Lindsay Lohan wants to fall in love with a boy, that’s fine. If Lindsay Lohan wants to fall in love with a girl, that’s fine too. Frankly either one would be a step up from the barely functioning patchy-headed half-goat half-chimp hybrid abomination that was Calum Best, so really Lindsay Lohan wins either way.
Cee Lo Green Isn’t A Homophobe- Except When He’s Being Homophobic
by Michael Park on June 20, 2011 0 Comments
You might remember Cee Lo from that piss awful ‘Forget You’ number that was redone from being ‘F**k You’ in order to get more radio play and completely destroying what little artistic credibility he had based on his time as part of Gnarls Barkley. More recently, you might have heard that he’s not a big fan of the gays.
The famed cake enthusiast has explained his recent comments to music critic Andrea Swensson that were perceived as being homophobic. The rotund Elton John tribute act sent a Twitter message to Swensson on Friday, in response to a negative review of his recent Minneapolis performance, questioning whether she had been offended by his masculinity due to her sexuality. She’s a lesbian you see which means that she’s bound to be terrified of things with penises.
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