Are you looking forward to the Oscars on Sunday? No. No, of course you’re not. Nobody is. It’s OK. Nobody is.
Just don’t tell the Oscars organisers. They’re absolutely murdering themselves trying to get even a flicker of Oscars-related interest from the populous at large and, it’s fair to say, they’re failing spectacularly.
But the Oscar people have got an ingenious joker up their sleeves – they’re keeping the award presenters secret until the ceremony itself. Incredible! But here’s a warning – if the awards aren’t presented by Elvis, Jesus and a dancing troupe of exploding nuns, we’ll be sorely effed off.