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Kate Winslet

WEBTHUMP! Wednesday 7 January 2009

by Stuart Heritage

9 – Anyone want to know what Kelly Clarkson looks like now that she’s decided she wants to be famous again? – Popjustice

8 – We don’t know what’s the worst thing about this, the fact it happened or the unsettling sensation that it’s moments away from being turned into a Jim Carrey movie – ABC

7 – The best-selling videogame ever is the reason you couldn’t move your arms that one Christmas – VGChartz

6 – Want to make your fingers smoke? Us neither, but here’s an impressively complicated way to do it anyway – I Am Bored

5 – Make it through a minute of this and you’ll be rewarded by the sound of a man ejaculating – Best Week Ever

4 – Kate Winslet wears a hat. That is all – Popsugar

3 – Reasons why Twitter is brilliant: Britney Spears’ vagina edition (thanks Suzybeth!) – Gigwise

2 – The only martial art we’ll ever want to learn – Artofmanliness

1 – Best news of all time: it’s good for children if you’re relentlessly cruel about their physical defects! – Telegraph

9 - Anyone want to know what Kelly Clarkson looks like now that she's decided she wants to be famous again? - Popjustice 8 - We don't know what's the worst thing about this, the fact it happened or the unsettling sensation that it's moments away from being turned into a Jim Carrey movie - ABC 7 - The best-selling videogame ever is the reason you couldn't move your arms that one Christmas - VGChartz 6 - Want to make your fingers smoke? Us neither, but here's an impressively complicated way to do it anyway - I Am Bored 5 - Make it through a minute of this and you'll be rewarded by the sound of a man ejaculating - Best Week Ever 4 - Kate Winslet wears a hat. That is all - Popsugar 3 - Reasons why Twitter is brilliant: Britney Spears' vagina edition (thanks Suzybeth!) - Gigwise 2 - The only martial art we'll ever want to learn - Artofmanliness 1 - Best news of all time: it's good for children if you're relentlessly cruel about their physical defects! - Telegraph
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Kate Winslet’s Naked Body Totally Belongs To Kate Winslet, OK?

by Stuart Heritage

History dictates that, whenever Kate Winslet appears in public, she must always have her bum – or at least one of her norks – out.

And since Kate Winslet has an interview in the new issue of Vanity Fair, it stands to reason that she should get as absolutely naked as flipping possible in every single accompanying picture. But here’s the crazy thing – Kate Winslet’s naked body actually looks fairly decent in the photos.

And this is chubby old Kate Winslet we’re talking about here – lumpy bumpy old chubby old Kate Winslet. So if her naked pictures looked good, it’s only logical to assume that it was because they’d been mangled beyond all recognition with an airbrush. Just don’t mention that around Kate Winslet, because there’s a strong chance she’ll punch your face off if she hears you.

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Kate Winslet Has It So Much Harder Than Any Of Us Will Ever Know

by Stuart Heritage

Judging by her weird compulsion to thwonk her boobs out in every film she’s ever made, you might not think that Kate Winslet is very insecure.

But she is. Oh lord, she is. It turns out that Kate Winslet is so thunderingly insecure – about absolutely everything – that she makes Ally McBeal look like Darth Vader after a manicure and half a bottle of gin. How do we know this? Because Kate Winslet has raked over her endless neuroses for the new issue of Vanity Fair.

So, to save you the effort of buying the new issue of Vanity Fair, here’s a list of all the things that Kate Winslet is insecure about: her weight as a teenager, her weight now, her dress sense, the way she looks ‘wrong’, her stupid pointy nose, her awful screechy voice, her fat hands, the way the last syllable of her surname rhymes with a swearword and her ridiculous big face. We may have made some of those up, by the way.

Judging by her weird compulsion to thwonk her boobs out in every film she's ever made, you might not think that Kate Winslet is very insecure. But she is. Oh lord, she is. It turns out that Kate Winslet is so thunderingly insecure - about absolutely everything - that she makes Ally McBeal look like Darth Vader after a manicure and half a bottle of gin. How do we know this? Because Kate Winslet has raked over her endless neuroses for the new issue of Vanity Fair. So, to save you the effort of buying the new issue of Vanity Fair, here's a list of all the things that Kate Winslet is insecure about: her weight as a teenager, her weight now, her dress sense, the way she looks 'wrong', her stupid pointy nose, her awful screechy voice, her fat hands, the way the last syllable of her surname rhymes with a swearword and her ridiculous big face. We may have made some of those up, by the way.
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