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John Lennon

Hecklerspray: Endorsed By John Lennon Says Yoko Ono (Kinda)

by Mof Gimmers

The day John Lennon died, the world lost one of its greatest talents. However, it also cemented a legacy as well, because, shortly before Lennon died, he was making records so bad that people started to doubt the assumed wisdom that ears were an evolutionary advantage. Basically, John Lennon’s death ensured that his quality output [...]

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John Lennon’s Crapper Sold To A Bum-Licking Fan

by Matthew Laidlow

Heard anything from The Beatles recently? You know, that cutting-edge modern band who single-handedly incorporated the sound of feeding zebras into recordings. Oh wait, hang on a second, you mean to say that The Beatles haven’t released a record in decades and that the army of fanboys who refuse to listen to anything else but [...]

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Yoko Ono Opposes Release of John Lennon’s Killer for the Millionth Time

by Mof Gimmers

Did you know that you are legally obliged, when working for Hecklerspray, to attend Bootleg Beatles concerts in a t-shirt that says ‘I’m a Bootleg Mark Chapman’? It’s true. That’s the initiation process they make you go through. If you’re trolling people online, you have to have the nerve to do it in real life in front of mental Beatlefans.

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Lost Season 6 Premiere: A Deconstruction

by David Scarborough

Lost season premieres are a mix of feverish anticipation and universal befuddlement. Now, penetrating the heart of the island, we’re going to deconstruct the latest double episode, LA X, with the microscopic precision of the best forum-dwelling underling you can find. To recap: The last season ended on typically unusual grounds – with some of [...]

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Badvertising – John Lennon’s One Laptop Per Child Foundation

by Matthew Laidlow

A few things immediately leapt out at us after viewing this advert.

First of all, John Lennon was dead the last time we checked. So how could he donate his cheeky Scouse tones to a charity appeal nearly thirty years after his death? Did the cocktail of drugs he took in his lifetime finally cause his decayed corpse to rise from the dead and seek out charitable causes? Though it would be slightly creepy and cool, it turns out that pesky Yoko Ono has donated his voice and image to the campaign. Now we know you can donate these alongside blood, sperm and the flu.

Now, don’t get us wrong, the campaign is a great one – it supplies computers to the world’s poorest children, so that they can read hecklerspray and leave badly-spelt comments for us to laugh at. But, really, the advert’s creators should have chosen someone other than John Lennon. He hails from Liverpool, so he’ll no doubt be able to get the laptops a little bit cheaper off the back of a lorry from his mate’s brother’s cousin.

Once a Scouser always a Scouser. Even from beyond the grave.

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Hooray! John Lennon And Jesus Are Best Friends Again!

by Matthew Laidlow

If you’ve ever liked a popular band such as B*Witched, S Club Juniors or Shed 7 then you’ll have realised that the press quickly stops running stories on them when they split up.

The same rule of thumb however doesn’t apply if you happened to enjoy the titillating musical delights of The Beatles, though.

Liverpool’s finest export have been delighting music lovers for generations. Their songs about peace, love and the results of multiple drug binges helped them to keep a presence in the public eye. During their career, The Beatles didn’t do much to piss anyone off, apart from the time John Lennon claimed that his band were “more popular than Jesus” in 1966. For 42 years, The Vatican has never forgiven the Beatle for what he said. But in a swift change of heart, they’ve decided to kiss and make up. Not literally of course, kissing the corpse of a dead man would be sick and wrong.

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Yoko Ono’s Big John Lennon Lawsuit Dropped

by Stuart Heritage

For a song that sounds like the call-waiting music you’d hear if you were phoning Satan, John Lennon’s Imagine is still bewilderingly controversial.

Recently a 15-second clip of Imagine was used in a weird creationist documentary by the man who played the teacher in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and it caused Yoko Ono to hit the roof. Yoko sued the makers of the movie for copyright infringement, but it looks like she’s been unsuccessful.

Yoko Ono has now dropped the lawsuit against the movie, presumably because the use of Imagine was covered under ‘fair use’ rules. So it looks like it’s one-nil to the creationists! You see, they’re always right! Apart from, you know, all their basic religious tenants and stuff! But still! Party time!

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Mark David Chapman’s 5th Parole Attempt Shot Dead

by Shawn Lindseth

As websites go, hecklerspray is one particularly bent on justice. For instance, we think Charles Manson should get another life sentence or two tacked on to that which he was already given. We’d like to see Ted Bundy get executed again, and for the love of Pete we think it high time Rachel Ray finally [...]

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Yoko Ono Feels All Upset For Heather Mills

by Matthew Laidlow

Yoko Ono Feels All Upset For Heather MillsIt’s fair kop to say that John Lennon was a bit of a musical genius. He and Paul McCartney momentarily stopped nicking cars and Hobnobs from the corner shop to write a whole load of pop tunes. These songs captivated a city, a country and later the whole wide world.

However, every successful star has a downfall, and he had a couple. Unlike today’s woozy musicians like the moon crater face bloke from Keane, the copious amounts of drugs he took didn’t knacker him up. Instead, it was a stumpy Japanese woman called Yoko Ono.

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John Lennon’s Hair Sold For $48,000, For Some Reason

by Stuart Heritage

Lennon and McCartney stopped writing together because Paul McCartney developed a fixation on John Lennon’s hair that freaked John out – it’s thought that She’s Leaving Home was first called I Want To Stroke John Lennon’s Lovely Hair.

And he wasn’t the only one with a slightly unnatural obsession for John Lennon’s hair – because this week an auction sold John Lennon’s hair for $48,000. Not all of John Lennon’s hair, you understand – that would be creepy – but just a lock of John Lennon’s hair. A lock of John Lennon’s hair in a bag that you can occasionally open and sniff, pretending that you and John Lennon are such close friends that he can put his hair in a bag and let you smell it. And that’s what the mystery hair-buyer will probably do – either that or blast it into the sun, thereby creating an evil nuclear-powered John Lennon to brutally enslave the world with, like in Superman IV.

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