Heard anything from The Beatles recently? You know, that cutting-edge modern band who single-handedly incorporated the sound of feeding zebras into recordings.
Oh wait, hang on a second, you mean to say that The Beatles haven't released a record in decades and that the army of fanboys who refuse to listen to anything else but crackly vinyl recordings of the Fab Four will continually sing their praises?
It seems that Beatles fever hasn't been confined to Liverpool, as scores of fans will froth at the mouth every time the name of Paul McCartney, John Lennon or George Harrison is mentioned. But never Ringo Starr. Everyone knows he did nothing but tap the drums and make everyone mugs of tea. Even we?d probably be interested in hearing unheard songs from the Scouse band, but buying a used toilet from one of them? That's perhaps taking it a bit too far, especially if it comes complete with skidmarks.
Normally, an autograph from a musician, or a cuddle, or even a kiss, is enough for most fans to make some sort of connection to their hero. Fans of The Beatles however, take things to the next level in terms of who can collect the most obscure, pointless and tatty items. Guitar plectrums and stolen setlists from gigs won't do. Instead, the stakes are raised to stalker level as items most people would throw in a skip have been bought for daft amounts of money from socially shy hardcore Beatles lovers.
So what do we have on sale for one lucky bidder? Original handwritten lyrics complete with tippex marks and coffee stains? How about a mountain of snapped guitar strings during the recording of The White Album? Or perhaps some used drug paraphernalia from the crazy times? You could literally become blood brothers with Paul McCartney.
Sadly, none of these were available. The item of the day was something that has been sitting in its former owner’s shed for forty years. And why hasn't it been on proud display in John Hancock?s living room? Because the possession in question is so rubbish you'd literally shit into it. Up for grabs was John Lennon?s toilet, used 1969-1972. Perhaps he only had an eye for toilets, such as this porcelain beauty used whilst he lived at Tittenhurst Park, Berkshire. BBC News reports:
?It was expected to sell for ?1,000 but the investor broke the estimate at the 33rd Beatles Convention in Liverpool.?
?1000? For a toilet? For that sort of money, we?d want some sort of crazy contraption which wiped your arse and made your farts smell all fuzzy and nice, like roses or baked bread. How you’d find about one of these mental fan auctions isn't clear, but eventually someone relented and couldn't literally lick the rim that John Lennon sat on. BBC News reports again:
?An overseas collector has paid ?9,500 for John Lennon’s toilet at an auction in Liverpool.?
So a mystery overseas bidder pissed all over the dreams of other creepy mental Beatles fans. The only item to outdo this would be to purchase a chunk of John Lennon?s brain in a jar of pickled head juice after it found a temporary home on a New York pavement.
Cheri Woods says
***ALERT!***ROCK LEGEND’S TOILET ON THE EBAY AUCTION BLOCK!
John Lennon’s toilet went for over $15,000. Jerry Garcia’s toilet went for over $2,500. How much is Jim Morrison’s toilet worth?
For more info or to bid, go to: ebay.com
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