Are we sad because we don’t know what we’ll do with our lives once it’s finished? No, we’re sad because – unless a flaming airship containing nothing but elephants and naked go-go dancers crashes into the house within the next 12 hours – this will go down in history as the dullest-ever Celebrity Big Brother. That’s right, even duller than the one Anthea Turner did.

But still, let’s see out Celebrity Big Brother by looking at the chances of winning for Ulrika Jonsson and Verne Troyer…

Ulrika Jonsson – People of Britain, you’ve had so many chances to vote out Ulrika Jonsson over the last three weeks of Celebrity Big Brother, and the fact that you haven’t evicted her warms our heart so much. We suspect that, like us, you love watching Ulrika’s obvious anguish every time someone else is evicted ahead of her. She wants out of the Celebrity Big Brother house so bad, and you just won’t let her. So tonight, let’s keep Ulrika Jonsson in the house as long as possible. Deal? Good. Obviously when we say ‘as long as possible’ we mean ’second place at best’. We can’t have Ulrika win Celebrity Big Brother, you understand. We don’t want to give her the wrong idea.

Verne Troyer – Verne Troyer had plenty of reasons to win Celebrity Big Brother from the get-go, because he’s disabled in a way that makes him amusing to look at, but this week Verne has gone above and beyond in his quest to win the show. He’s been shitfaced on boozed, cracked on to Michael Jackson’s sister, sworn as angrily and as loudly as possible at every opportunity and, let’s not forget, he kissed a baby dolly with tongues. If Verne Troyer doesn’t win Celebrity Big Brother, we’ll eat our hat. And then we’ll eat your hat. And then we’ll probably do a very hatty poo.

Next week: Dancing On Bastard Ice.

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This season of Strictly Come Dancing has had everything – shock resignations, judge in-fighting, humiliatingly credibility-obliterating phone vote cock-ups and, um, Gillian Taylforth. And that’s literally it. We’ll miss you Strictly Come Dancing. Or at least we would if Dancing On Ice wasn’t starting in about a bloody fortnight. Sheesh.

So, can Rachel Stevens win the Strictly Come Dancing final? Here’s her recap…

Rachel Stevens – Even though they’re both about three feet tall and share the personality of a retired chartered accountant from Stevenage, Rachel Stevens and her partner are the lookers of this year’s Strictly Come Dancing. Their sexiness is paramount to their Strictly Come Dancing chances, so imagine our horror on Saturday when Rachel’s partner unveiled his new beard. Well, we say ‘beard’ but that’s only because a word has yet to be invented that can fully convey the horror of the wispy public fluff that Rachel’s partner had strapped to his chin for Saturday’s show. Would it affect their chances of making the Strictly Come Dancing final?

Well, no, thanks to the rubbishy ‘everyone’s in the final!’ twist that Strictly Come Dancing pulled at the end of the results show, Rachel Stevens and her partner would have made the final even if he’d got his knob out and scrawled ‘WHITE RULE’ across his face with a marker pen. And, in a way, that’s probably for the best – Rachel’s first dance was an Argentine Tango to When Doves Cry that was technically decent but about as sexy as an episode of How It’s Made. Rachel’s second dance was an American Smooth that was so slow it felt like we’d downed three bottles of Night Nurse before watching it. Which we had, but that’s beside the point. But who cares what we think? Chances are Rachel’s going to win the sodding thing on Saturday, isn’t she? Isn’t she? Total Strictly Come Dancing score – 75

But back to Strictly Come Dancing. Saturday will be the culmination of half a year’s training for Lisa Snowdon, Tom Chambers and Rachel Stevens, and only one can win it. Unless, you know, the BBC makes the last-minute decision that they’ve all won and, instead of a final dance-off, Tess Daly just rolls around in everyone’s phone-vote money cackling like a witch. That seems to be the done thing these days.

So can Tom Chambers win Strictly Come Dancing? Here’s his recap…

Tom Chambers – When a reality TV show like Strictly Come Dancing reaches its final stages, it’s highly important that the contestants can reflect on their ‘journey’ as a life-changing experience, and that’s what Tom Chambers did on Saturday’s show – calling it “the greatest chapter of my life”. Admittedly that’s because most of the other chapters in Tom Chambers’ life have involved Holby City, and so a chapter that involved nothing but being bitten on the cock by a laboratory monkey would still qualify as the greatest of his life. But, with this in mind, Tom Chambers was bound to give the Strictly Come Dancing performances of his life on Saturday, because it just meant that much to him. Right?

Nope. Instead Tom Chambers dressed up as one of those Quality Streets that always gets left at the bottom of the tin and did a limp little Jive to Waterloo that walked the line between earnest and crap so perfectly that it was like watching the winners of Britain’s Got Incredibly Annoying Stage School Children, if such a thing even exists. Was Tom saving up the good stuff for his Strictly Come Dancing Argentine Tango to Por Una Cabeza? Nope. The dance mainly consisted of Tom Chambers standing completely still while his partner showed off her legs in an unconvincingly slutty way. Nevertheless, one Strictly Come Dancing judge told Tom that the dance was like “moving through mercury.” We don’t know what that means exactly, but Wikipedia suggests that she might have started bleeding from gums and suddenly became depressed for no reason while watching it. Hey, us too! Total Strictly Come Dancing score – 67

Tomorrow: The Strictly Come Dancing recap for Rachel Stevens.

The words of Alexandra Burke’s X Factor mentor Cheryl Cole, there. Even if you don’t like Alexandra, at least vote for her anyway as it’ll make Cheryl win and hopefully force Dannii Minogue off the show in some sort of girly rage.

Tomorrow is the grand finale of X Factor 2008. Who knows what we’ll get in 2009. Maybe robots will be allowed to enter the competition. Until that happens, we’ll have to contend with this year’s winner. With JLS and Eoghan Quigg already dealt with, let’s have a look at Alexandra Burke…

How Alexandra got through this far is a bit of a mystery to us. When we watch her each week, she definitely reminds us of someone. Is it Whitney Houston? Is it Mariah Carey? No, it’s – oh, what’s her name – Leona Lewis. You know, the person who won X Factor in 2006.

Go on look at the evidence. There both female, both come from London, look vaguely similar and both have the ability to go “Wooooohhhhhhhhhhwoooooooow” when singing. Do we really want Alexandra Burke to come along and release nothing but ballads, cover versions and music videos with awkward dancing?

On the flipside, if she does win, we may get to some porn out of it! The News Of The World reported that her former boyfriend may have kept a video of them doing all sorts of sexual stuff together. With a £100,000 asking fee, whatever Alexandra did on the tape must be something special. Perhaps Alexandra is able to float using her special powers or can make a sandwich at the same time. Either way, it’ll be better then Paris Hilton’s effort.

So who’ll win tomorrow, and who’ll have to pretend to congratulate the winner like they’re happy for them? Using an ingenious piece of logic, hecklerspray believes the following:

JLS should win, because a group hasn’t won this competition yet, but it depends if teenage girls aren’t too busy out on street corners getting pissed on cider and forget to phone in.

Eoghan Quigg will win if ITV continue the trend of getting annoying children to win their TV shows. See Britain’s Got Talent. Even if he doesn’t win, we predict he’ll cry at least three times on the night. Bring an umbrella if you’re in the audience.

Alexandra Burke will win if the people of the UK decide they want another Leona Lewis in their lives. Technically this might not be a bad thing, as if she wins, everyone might forget about Leona. Chance would be a fine thing.

So who will be the next person to launch a singing career that will make some industry types richer? We’ve already had a look at how JLS will fare, but today we take a look at one of the more colourful characters of the show.

Here’s the X Factor recap for Eoghan Quigg.

Apparently he’s actually called Owen, even though his name looks like it could be pronounced ‘Ego Han’ ‘Eggnog’ or ‘Eeeeeeeeeeeeee Og Han!’ Just to have an exclamation mark in his name would have made him automatically cool in our book. However, we’ll put his funny name down to the fact he’s Irish and because whoever wrote his name on the birth certificate was probably drunk on Guinness.

Even though X Factor hasn’t finished, the young Irish scamp has already caused all sorts of problems for people. Diana Vickers – aka the limp-wristed blonde – has reportedly split up from her boyfriend of eight months so she can be with Egohan. Maybe it was his leprechaun style that took her fancy. Whatever the case, if Eoghan doesn’t win we’re sure some magazine will pay megabucks for the exclusive love story involving the two.

For someone his age, Eoghan does have a remarkable voice and we’re glad he’s out making grannies happy instead of collecting ASBOs with his friends. Sadly he hasn’t got any sort of original sob story and is actually copying the crying boy tactic of last year’s winner Leon Jackson. Whenever he could, Leon Jackson turned on the tears and forced people to vote him as the winner. Good thing we did pick him, or else he’d still be crying now and the country would be under 60ft of salty man-water.

But will Eoghan win? Because he decided to cry when his friend and supposed lover Diana got voted out, most people probably lost a bit of respect for him. Jesus, one of you was going to be booted off the show at some point. That’s unless Simon Cowell had plans to fuse the pair together to make sort of crying hand monster that only eats bats.

Tomorrow, the X Factor final countdown recap for the probable winner, Alexandra Burke.

It’s the X Factor final on Saturday and even though everyone knows that the carbon copy of Leona Lewis will win, we thought we’d just recap it for you anyway. You know, just in case everyone is proved wrong by the funny named weeping leprechaun who’ll flood the studio if he wins.

Here’s the X Factor profile for JLS.

Despite dyslexically naming themselves after high street furniture store DFS, JLS have done the impossible and emerged as a credible group-based act which has made it to the X Factor final. Last year we all winced at the incesty-looking group Same Difference who, quite frankly, still give us nightmares with their creepy smiles.

In the past, boybands from this sort of manufactured competition haven’t done so well. Remember One True Voice from Popstars: The Rivals? They were created in a laboratory around the same time as Girls Aloud but divebombed after one single. Chances are your local binman was once in this horrific group. Ask him the next time he’s peeling that rotten banana skin from the outside of a binbag.

It could have been quite easy for one member of JLS to fluff his lines and arse things up for everyone, but to their credit they have steadied the ship well. So far it is impossible to determine which member will come out as gay, which one has an overwhelming appetite for Twix bars and which one will compare a terrorist attack to the plight of elephants.

But will they win? Based on the fact that only teenage girls will vote for them, probably not. Come Saturday night, their mobile phone credit will have been maxed out from texting “OMG have you seen JLS they are like so totally fit” to each other all week. Looks like there may be some competition for those binmen jobs.

Tomorrow, the X Factor final countdown recap for Eoghan Quigg.

But before we look forward to the end of Big Brother, what’s been going on? Well for starters Lisa was evicted from Big Brother on Friday, and took the exit interview as another opportunity to try and convince us that a large part of her brain doesn’t work properly. Oh, and also there’s going to be a double eviction tomorrow night – the two housemates with the least number of votes so far are being booted out.That’s right – people still actually vote on the outcome of Big Brother. Losers.

But who’s going to win Big Brother on Friday? Mohamed? Is it Mohamed? Is it? Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Mohamed to win, with help from Paddy Power…

Mohamed – Sometimes we think Big Brother might be secretly written by a Hollywood scriptwriter. A really shit one who’s only doing it to fund his raging drug addiction, admittedly, but our point still stands. Take Mohamed’s last few weeks, for example. Mohamed has slowly been irritating all the other Big Brother housemates thanks to his relentless greediness, and when they eventually let him become the head of house – thereby making him immune from nominations – the two nominated housemates ended up getting given £25,000. Perfect – that’s genuinely the most perfect way that anyone could have stiffed Mohamed. Especially since there’s no way that Mohamed is ever going to win Big Brother. Although, if everyone who watched Big Brother suddenly went mad with syphilis and decided to all vote for Mohamed, those who did bet on his victory would be walking away with a shitload of cash. Look at those odds! – Current Big Brother betting odds – 80/1

Tomorrow: Can Kat win Big Brother? But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to Paddy Power to see the full list of Big Brother betting odds.

It was well-known before he went to the giant concert hall in the sky that he was suffering from ill health. But the old dog battled through and made a final performance for the Winter Olympics in Turin in 2006. Now the conductor on the night, Leone Magiera, has revealed that the ex-porker was doing an Ashlee Simpson and miming. Though he made it a bit more convincing. 

As we all know, rubbish pop stars use backing tracks to help them. Amusingly for us, it can be quite funny when it goes a bit wonky. We all remember Ashlee Simpson’s ill-fated appearance on Saturday Night Live, when it all fell flat on its arse.

And now we’ve been told that the late, great Pavarotti did the same thing. What’s next? They're going to tell us that some DJs just press play on their computers and fiddle around with various buttons and knobs all night?

That's too hard to believe, but to pull off a fake orchestral performance, complete with conductor as well as a miming singer, well that takes a lot of skill to pull off.

Magiera has said:

"The orchestra pretended to play, I pretended to conduct and Luciano pretended to sing. It came off beautifully. No one was aware of the technical tricks. His voice was nearly intact. He found the strength to repeat it until he was completely satisfied. Then, he fell back on his wheelchair and closed his eyes, exhausted."  

You know what? Full respect to the bloke for doing so. For starters, he was crippled with the cancer, which finally took his life, plus he’d had previous health scares. While we can’t be arsed to do most things on a daily basis, Pavarotti came through, so he disappointed no one. 

The performance went so smoothly that everyone was none the wiser. Though with recent politics outshining the upcoming games, no doubt some idiot protester will cry into his onion soup tonight.

Read more:

Pavarotti Faked Final Performance – BBC 

After Sunday, the ice rink will be rolled up, the skates melted for ammunition and Holly Willoughby’s tits will be unscrewed and dry-frozen until next year. But you still have a chance to place a bet on the Dancing On Ice final. It’s easy to do, and it might be the most important move you ever make that’s based on a Sunday teatime ice-skating programme.

Who’ll win Sunday’s Dancing On Ice final? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Chris Fountain, with help from Paddy Power…

Chris Fountain - Chris Fountain is going to win Dancing On Ice. There, we said it. It’s obvious that Chris Fountain is going to win Dancing On Ice, though – everyone’s thought that since day one. And, although it’s easy to say that Chris is an irritating try-hard who couldn’t be more annoying if he came round your house and flicked bits of stinging nettle into your eye, the fact of the matter is that he’s a better skater than any of the others. And, although it’s easy to say that Chris Fountain is a knobmunch who looks as if he’d trample his granny to death for a second of attention, he has thrown more into his performances than any of his competitors. So Chris Fountain is going to win Dancing On Ice, but don’t actually bet on him. Look at these odds  – they’re hopelessly short. Instead, bet on Zaraah and then attack Chris Fountain’s leg with a crowbar five minutes before showtime.* Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 1/3

*Don’t actually do that, for Christ’s sake.

Next week: Honestly, not a clue. But it’ll be good. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Dancing On Ice betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

That’s right, the Dancing On Ice final takes place on Sunday – and if you haven’t placed a bet on the outcome, time is running out for you to do so. It couldn’t be easier; a couple of clicks and you’re away. And you deserve to win some money from Dancing On Ice, you know. Consider it compensation for watching the entire blinking series.

Who’s going to win Sunday’s Dancing On Ice final? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Zaraah Abrahams and Suzanne Shaw, with help from Paddy Power…

Zaraah Abrahams - The thing about the Dancing On Ice final is that the judges don’t get a say. None of them. Not Skeletor Judge, not Silent Big-Face Judge, not Ben From Lost Judge, not even Queenie Theatre Judge. It’s all down to the public. And the thing is that the public can’t stand Zaraah Abrahams. Week after week after week she’s been in the Dancing On Ice skate-off and week after week after week she’s been saved by the judges. Without their interference, we get the feeling that Zaraah will be the first of the three to go home on Sunday. However, if you do bet on Zaraah Abrahams and she does win, you’re going to be rolling in cash like a pig in shit. Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 16/1

Suzanne Shaw - It’s fair to say that Suzanne Shaw has given Dancing On Ice her all. Early reports from behind the scenes said that Suzanne was taking the show so seriously that everyone else hated her prissy little uptight ways, and not even a succession of pretty serious injuries can move her eyes from the prize. But can Suzanne Shaw win Dancing On Ice? We’re not completely sure that she can. You see, when a man and a woman are in the final of an ice skating contest, the man will always win. That’s not sexism, that’s objective fact. When a man does a lift, he has to pick up his partner and hold her steady above his head, all the while zooming around a sheet of ice in shoes with metal blades sticking out the bottom. Meanwhile, when a woman does a lift she just needs to do a little jump and then hold her arms out and look pretty. And since the man works harder, he win. Even if it is a tossend like Chris Fountain. Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 9/4

Tomorrow - Dancing On Ice betting odds for Chris Fountain. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Dancing On Ice betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

Alesha Dixon won Strictly Come Dancing after a tense dance-off with her dancing rival Matt Di Angelo off EastEnders. Well, OK, maybe not tense – what with Alesha and Matt doing five dances each, all the old Strictly Come Dancing contestants doing a dance each, the Spice Girls singing a song accompanied by a dance and Bruce Forsyth doing a comedy song and dance number, watching the Strictly Come Dancing final felt a little bit like wading through treacle. But, hey, who cares – Alesha Dixon has now won Strictly Come Dancing and is now almost guaranteed to get this year's Christmas number one.

No, wait, that's the other one. What exactly do Strictly Come Dancing winners do again?

This year Strictly Come Dancing trounced X Factor in the ratings, and it's not hard to see why. In one corner you had Rod Stewart's wife with her bum hanging out and in the other hand you had a weird shouting Welsh alien singing 15 songs from the musicals that all sounded exactly the same. And, as any teenage boy will tell you, bums win. Even if the bums belong to Rod Stewart's wife.

So Saturday night's Strictly Come Dancing final was more than just an overlong dance assault presented by an old man and a woman dressed as a perfume bottle – it was a celebratory lap of honour that reminded everyone time and time and time again about every single thing that happened throughout Strictly Come Dancing from beginning to end in such detail that we may as well have not watched all the other episodes in the first place.

Seriously, everything. Presumably because the finalists had to do five dances – and therefore had to change sparkly sequinny outfits five times – the Strictly Come Dancing final was stuffed to the brim with any old filler that was at hand at any given point in time. Week-by-week retrospectives that reminded us that Kate Garraway couldn't dance and Dominic Littlewood was a bit of a twerp and Letitia Dean probably blasted vomit all over the place like a disgusting oil rig that smells of guts? Check. Dances by all these people that proved that they weren't so great after all? Check. Bruce Forsyth doing a big show-stopping number about how all women are suspicious of his constant sexually-predatory behaviour? Weirdly, check.

Dances by the two Strictly Come Dancing finalists? Oh yeah, that too. To win the coveted – yet painfully ugly - Strictly Come Dancing trophy, Matt Di Angelo and Alesha Dixon had to perform a punishing five dances each. At least we think it was five – by the time they'd both done three each we started to glaze over, all the dances seemed to blend into each other and we started to lose track of time. For all we know, Alesha and Matt might have danced anything up to a trillion dances each.

But we'll stick to five for now. Dancing their favourite ballroom dance, their favourite latin dance, some weird double dance to a T.Rex song, an identical dance danced identically at the same time as each other and a frantic piece of nonsense at the end. And picking either Matt Di Angelo or Alesha Dixon as the winner of Strictly Come Dancing was too close to call, which is something we learnt by having everyone involved in Strictly Come Dancing hitting us over the head with that fact every six or seven seconds.

In the end, though, Alesha Dixon was inevitably crowned as Strictly Come Dancing champion over Matt Di Angelo, which might have something to do with the way that at no point during the series did she muddle up her dance, go and sit on some steps and start crying like a big baby girl in front of millions and millions of viewers.

So congratulations to Alesha Dixon, who joins other Strictly Come Dancing winners like, um, that cricket bloke and, you, know, the others. Since winning Strictly Come Dancing, bookmakers have already slashed the odds of Alesha Dixon getting a number one record next year, even though nobody seems to have realised that, as gifted a dancer as she may be, when Alesha Dixon sings she makes a noise like a binbag of terrier puppies being pushed down some stairs.

Kenny to win.

Read more:

The Final: Results - Strictly Come Dancing 

Things haven't quite worked out that way. Instead, the special celebrity guests set to appear on Saturday's X Factor final are Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan – a woman with an underperforming album and a man most recently seen on TV advertising prawn rings with Kerry Katona during I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. We're going to have to invest in some lead-lined sunglasses before Saturday's X Factor final, in case the incandescent star wattage of two people who recorded an ironic Christmas power ballad together 19 years ago burns our eyeballs into raisins.

Don't tell anyone, but this season of X Factor has been rubbish. Not rubbish in your typical 'Oooh, reality TV shows are destroying the credibility of real music' way, but rubbish because at various points during this year's X Factor we've found ourselves getting nostalgic for the days of Chico. Chico, for Christ's sake! People have killed themselves for having less disturbing thoughts than that.

The problems with this year's X Factor are obvious – the four-judge dynamic doesn't work, Brian Friedman's over-the-top routines take the onus off the singing, someone's replaced Louis Walsh's hair with a disappointing cloud, the X Factor theme nights have been so hopelessly generic that someone could have sung I Will Always Love You every week and technically got away with it – but two problems outweigh the rest by a mile.

One of these is the quality of the X Factor contestants. The winner of X Factor should prove to the globe that Britain is capable of producing world-beaters – dim but attractive puppets who seem almost genetically engineered to sell millions of records to screaming teenagers. Leona Lewis is doing it right now and even Shayne Ward managed it for a while. But this year the likely winner of X Factor is Rhydian, a Christian Welsh virgin who'll sell millions of records, but only to your gran.

The second problem is the standard of X Factor guest. Where last year there was a generally well-known celebrity guest each week like Rod Stewart and Barry Manilow, Take That and one of Abba and Tony Bennett, this year we've had Celine Dion, someone called Michael Buble, a couple of old X Factor winners and – worst of all – Boyz II Men, a group that not a single person has even thought about thinking about for 15 years. But, hey, the X Factor production team must have been saving the massive names for Saturday's final, right?

Not exactly. It's been reported that for Saturday's X Factor final, the superstar special guests will be Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan. You know, from Neighbours. Apparently Jason Donovan will be singing with creepy would-be children's TV hosts Same Difference while Kylie Minogue will perform with Leon Jackson. As for Rhydian, he'll do a duet with Katherine Jenkins, who we've failed to mention up until this point because we've just thrown out a mouldy loaf of bread with more charismatic star quality than her. A source told The Mirror:

"Each act will do three songs including one with their star act. Leon performing with Kylie is sure to bring in a strong gay vote."

Come on, is this really the best that X Factor can do? Jason Donovan hasn't had a top-ten hit for 16 years, Katherine Jenkins hasn't ever had a top-ten hit and Kylie Minogue?

Well, at least Dannii's done something to earn her money for once.

Read more:

Kylie & Jason On X Factor – Mirror 

In hindsight, though, it was no surprise that Niki Evans got voted off X Factor so early. No matter how proficient they are, older ladies never make it to the X Factor final – especially ones like Niki, who think that they can get away with opening shows by murmuring out dreary Eva Cassidy covers and then get all indignant because nobody seems to like it much. Still, at least now that Niki Evans has been eliminated from X Factor the show’s prop department can put away those horrible black candlesticks that appear to have been stolen from the set of a 1970s low-budget European movie about sexy vampires.

But without Niki Evans in it, who’ll win the X Factor final on Saturday? Here’s part one of this week’s X Factor betting odds – for Same Difference and Leon Jackson – with help from Paddy Power…

Same Difference – For Same Difference to be in the X Factor final means that people actually like them enough to spend money voting for them, and that’s just about the most terrifying thought we’ve ever had. Especially after watching Same Difference’s first X Factor performance on Saturday – a gimmick-stuffed rendition of Chain Reaction than binned all notion of ’singing’ in favour of poncing around with a gang of enough beefed-up circus performers that it could legitimately qualify as a piece of propaganda created to try and turn toddlers gay.

However, as bad as their first X Factor performance was, Same Difference’s second song was at least proof that they know how to emotionally manipulate idiots properly. After crying unstoppably during her pre-song VT because she used to get bullied – and then bursting into tears immediately after she finished singing Never Had A Dream Come True – the Same Difference girl ensured that they’d get a bucketload of votes even if they’d sung Fuckin’ An Animal by Gwar. Also, have you noticed how stuff always falls from the ceiling when Same Difference do an X Factor performance? Here’s praying that this trend continues on Saturday’s X Factor final, only with anvils and bits of broken glass this time. Current X Factor betting odds – 7/1

Leon Jackson – Well now here’s a coincidence; Leon Jackson managed to scrape through the X Factor semi-finals on Saturday even though the celebrity mentor was Michael Buble, a man who Leon Jackson wants to be so badly it verges on creepy stalkerish obsession. Funny that. Or maybe Leon Jackson got through to the X Factor final because of his performance of The Very Thought Of You – where, dressed in an outfit that made his neck completely disappear, Leon plodded about awkwardly holding the hand of a random girl from the audience and singing in the sort of way that we’d imagine would convince crumpled alcoholics to commit suicide. Yeah, that was probably it.

Because it definitely didn’t have anything to do with Leon’s second X Factor performance – a leather-trousered rendition of How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You that was so uncomfortably skronky that not even Leon’s biggest fan could think it was anything other than utterly dreadful. But maybe Leon Jackson does deserve to win X Factor, you know – it’s been a while since we’ve had a Christmas number one performed by a massively inarticulate Scottish boy, after all. Current X Factor betting odds – 7/2

Tomorrow – X Factor betting odds for Rhydian Roberts. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power X Factor betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.