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Karl Lagerfeld has the feminists and fat chicks bunching their panties in disgust over his latest outburst.
Remember. This is an outburst from an old man who works in the fashion industry.
We don’t know what magic mirror Lagerfeld is looking into, but despite looking like an anorexic-shell-less-tortoise/panda hybrid, Lagerfeld takes it upon himself to be the aesthetic judge of the universe. And this time, he’s decided to pass judgement on Adele. You can see where this is going can’t you?
Eamonn Holmes is a man famed for the legendary status of his gargantuan gob.
Not only is it capable of producing more crap than his backside on a day-to-day basis, but when it isn’t spewing verbal sewage it’s being stuffed with all manner of deep-fried goodies.
Well, let’s hope Eamonn has deep-fried his foot after he managed to, once again, get it firmly lodged between his gums during an interview on This Morning.
It’s okay everybody, you can relax, there’s no more need to worry, Kevin Federline is fine.
We know, you were scared that K-Fed might be taken from us too soon, but we’re pleased to announce that all is well with Britney’s Baby Daddy and he didn’t actually suffer a heart attack that none of us would have cared about.
Federline was hospitalised earlier this week after he collapsed whilst filming a weight loss show in Australia, he was quickly rushed to hospital along with the paramedics who had initially tried to lift him onto the stretcher.
Teenage warbler and spawn of the devil (aka Billy Ray) Miley Cyrus, recently ‘fessed up to being the raging pothead we all suspected at her 19th birthday party in Los Angeles.
Guest included, Kelly Osbourne and Rumer Willis, boyfriend Liam Hemsworth and of course her parents who were probably out the back, line-dancing through the piles of money they’ve made from selling their child to the Disney factory.
Miley was presented with a Bob Marley cake and before devouring it face first, she gave a small speech, made up of words.
Apparently, Miley Cyrus has put on some weight. No-one actually cares, but y’know, when weight is mentioned around women, everyone starts shrieking like someone just revealed a semtex waistcoat.
Some trollers, trying (successfully) to get a rise, pointed out that Miley had put some pounds on and thought it might be funny to call her ‘fat’.
Of course, Miley Cyrus isn’t fat. However, she does hate skinny women and wandered ever closer to the idiot arena of ‘real women have curves’. Get that thin ladies? You’re body shape is sexless compared to that of someone with a bit of an arse. HURRAY!
It’s difficult to imagine, but the life of Beth Ditto – who, because we’re such hideously clever dicks at hecklerspray, we will hereafter refer to as Beth Beth – is not just one long procession of standing in the way of Kate Moss, ripping all her clothes off whenever a glance is thrown in her direction, and sitting atop winged horses, helmet-horns glinting in the furious fires of Valhalla, scattering mortals with the power of her demonic screams.
Sometimes she finds room in that busy schedule for kicking back, relaxing, chucking on her neon-pink skintight onesie leisurewear, curling up with a classic of gothic literature, and squeezing her brain tightly until opinions form like diamonds in a bleak mountainside.
And even better, she then tells us about it! She really is the honking gift that just keeps honking, and won’t stop till our ears actually start bleeding!
Before we even start talking about Beth Ditto, let us just point something out to everyone – there is no correct size to be if you’re a human being. Okay? People who make an issue out of their, or anyone else’s weight, is an unrelenting dick. Okay? Okay.
Unrelenting dick, Beth Ditto, continues to see herself as some kind of political activist for people who aren’t thin, hitting out at imagined critics who she assumes are sniggering under their breath at her, taunting her and calling her a big fat twat.
With the spotlight well and truly taken off her band, The Gossip, and now glued into place on stomach, Ditto has howled in anguish about people who assume thin women are automatically healthier. Read More >>>
Remember when K-Fed had a dancer’s body? Sure it was covered in bad tattoos, cornrows made without the aid of a mirror and a layer of congealed body grease, but still – it was a dancer’s body.
And he used that body to scoop up Britney Spears and steal her away to a life most view as exotic fantasy and wonder.
Well he’s not scooping things up with that body any more. Except burritos, corn chips, and maybe an entire half-pig flame-broiled and basted.
What we’re getting at here is the man has gained weight – and boy has he!
