Katy Perry has been seen out with the former love-interest of Paris Hilton, bad boy rocker Benji Madden.

The I Kissed A Girl singer broke up with Travis McCoy of Gym Class Heroes back in December and seems to have put her faux lesbianism on hold long enough to catch the eye of a new man.

The pair set tongues wagging after they were seen together at an event on Valentine’s Day, seemingly putting past troubled relationships behind them.
As we all saw, the relationship between Paris and Benji was a tricky one. It was a slippery slope where Paris’ former paramour got thinner and more drawn-looking as the relationship progressed.

Some speculated the weight loss in Benji was the result of stress from being in such a high-profile relationship. Others insinuated that it was some form of nasty flesh-eating bacteria that Benji may or may not have picked up from his partner during one of their raunchy lovemaking sessions.

Either way it is certain that Benji is half the man he used to be. He has half the weight, half the style and roughly less than half of his original street credibility.

All of the above is about to be lessened further still by his alleged interest in Katy Perry, the ever-controversial woman whom we sometimes like to call Not Lily Allen.

Not Lily is sure to erode the last of her new man’s credibility and gain a few extra column inches at the same time. According to reports, the pair got cosy with each other on the weekend. From People magazine:

Following her Valentine’s show at Hard Rock Hotel’s Wasted Space, Perry, 24, and Madden, 29, headed to Lavo – where the two conspicuously cuddled throughout the night, later prompting one observer to sense “some chemistry there.” Madden, in town to deejay, even danced for Perry during several songs – and at those rare times when their hands weren’t on each other’s legs.

Admittedly the pairing would be a more compatible one. They look like far less of an eyesore when standing together for a start.

They share the same punk style of dress and they have comparable family backgrounds. Katy was raised by an extremely religious family, including a father who was an Evangelical pastor, while Benji and his twin brother Joel had a strict Christian upbringing.

No word yet on just how Paris reacted to finding out her ex-boyfriend was taken off the market. If memory serves her usual reaction is to wear a subtle-as-a-poke-in-the-eye slogan t-shirt with a comedy catchphrase.

Paris is seemingly keeping her comedy slogans to herself for the time being. Maybe it’s safe to presume that at age 28 she has finally matured beyond the point of such high school style retaliation… or perhaps that is one presumption too far!

This has been a guest blog by the always-adorable Amy Grindhouse. Visit her site now. We’ll know if you don’t, you know.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

That’s fact. Paris Hilton becoming queen would be like that hilarious movie King Ralph except, instead of being about a fat American with bad manners it’d be about a stupid American with no manners. Plus it’d be funnier because it was really happening. And, if one wild-eyed report is to believe, it might just come true – Prince William has been named as a possible cause of the split between Paris Hilton and Benji Madden.

Of course, we’re joking. Regardless of the veracity of these reports, Paris Hilton would make a terrible queen of England. Her days are spent wearing embarrassingly ostentatious jewellery, simpering around important people without ever understanding what they do and leeching piles of money that she doesn’t really deserve. Meanwhile, the Queen’s days are spent… hey, wait a minute!

So Paris Hilton has split up with Benji Madden. It’s sad, we know. She didn’t even get to make an inadvertently repulsive sex tape with him or anything.

But this Paris Hilton/ Benji Madden split isn’t just another tiresome celebrity split story about a person nobody cares about and another person that people wouldn’t be able to recognise if he wore a big hat that flashed the words ‘I’M BENJI MADDEN’ while performing something called The Benji Madden Dance to a song called Theme From You’re Looking At Benji Madden, and wouldn’t even care if they did. No, for the Paris Hilton/ Benji Madden split could deeply change the face of western civilisation forever.

That’s not even an exaggeration. For the ever-reliable Fox News has decided to claim that one potential cause for the Hilton/ Madden split is Paris Hilton’s growing friendship with heir to the throne Prince William. Seriously, we’re not making this up. Look:

According to an insider… Prince William may have had plans to meet up with Paris to ring in the New Year, having spent quite some time with her while she’s been filming her “My BFF” show in London. So did Prince William’s extra attention irk Benji? According to an inside source, the ultra-quiet Benji can be well, kind of controlling.

Now, we know what you’re going to say. Prince William can’t elope with Paris Hilton because he’s going out with that girl who’s got a face like a dinner plate. But the more we think about it, the more Paris Hilton and Prince William seem suited to one another. For example:

*Both Prince William and Paris Hilton will never have to do a real day’s work in their entire lives.

*Prince William and Paris Hilton both have drunk little brothers.

*Prince William and Paris Hilton both sort of turn into wankers around the paparazzi.

*Neither of their families are particularly good at getting away with drink driving.

What’s more – and this is a very important point – Paris Hilton is tactically a very good choice for Prince William to pick as his queen. After centuries of institutionalised interbreeding, there’s a very good chance that the next generation of royals will essentially be a legally braindead, more-gruesome version of Sloth from The Goonies.

So, rather than continue scraping the bottom of the gene pool, it absolutely makes sense that Prince William should try to get Paris Hilton pregnant. He’s effectively found the only person on the planet with genes more simpleminded and deficient than his own. Genius.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

We’re just throwing that out there in case the Drudge Report, E! Online or the National Enquirer want to run with it as a headline. Not interested? Perhaps they would be if they knew we used two different jelly flavours – one of them mint. Also we unconventionally spread it on there with the back of a spoon.

Still nobody interested? Its free you know – we don’t want a cut or anything. Just take the story. You could use the headline hecklerspray double jellies its morning toast with spoon from filthy sink pile.

That’d be far more interesting than the story most of them are running about the Paris Hilton/Benji Madden break-up. C’mon you websites – think of the increased internet traffic!

Good news for anybody who’s longed to date either a helium-filled heiress or a semi-famous guitarist who looks like he sweats a lot. Paris Hilton and Benji Madden have split. Our sources tell us its because Paris finally realised why her boyfriend’s lips were covered in fur the night ‘coyotes’ ate her dogs a few months back.

Our source also tells us the two have already moved on. Benji is dating a young woman in line to inherit several Red Roof Inns, and Paris is in a very real relationship with a Burger King grease trap. That second one even comes with baby rumours.

Us Magazine has a slightly different account of things:

“Paris Hilton and Benji Madden called it quits Tuesday after nine months of dating, a rep for Hilton confirms exclusively to Usmagazine.com. “Even though they are still in love, they felt it would be better to just be friends,” a source close to Hilton, 27, tells Us. The reason for the split? “Benji was overprotective and controlling. He doesn’t get along with any of her friends,” the source tells Us. “Friends thought Paris had changed since being with Benji and she wants to be herself again.”"

That plus Paris had always thought she was dating the bassist from Green Day. When she learned the truth she was done with the lie. Probably.

With her new-found spare time we bet ol’ PH will start working more on her coyote home-defence system. What seems to keep the beasts the most at bay so far is songs about best friends, and the projected image of all five The Simple Life seasons filling the entire south wall of her mansion.

As for Benji, who is best known for being named after a dog from the seventies, well we don’t know what he’ll do. Just please nobody let him console himself with a guitar. No need to bring down everybody, fella.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

However, little things like common sense and concern for the future of humanity don’t matter to Paris Hilton, which is why she’s told People that she’s desperate to have children.

Don’t be too alarmed by Paris Hilton’s claims, though – if she does have a baby it’ll be an interesting genetic experiment – in four short generations the Hilton family has gone from billionaire hotel chain founder to Paris Hilton, so if our charts are right the fifth generation will mostly resemble the mutant teleported dog from the beginning of The Fly 2.

We might be wrong here, but we get the horrible feeling that Paris Hilton is starting to grow up. No longer does she spend her days idly flitting between making obscene internet films of herself and getting thrown in jail for driving around shitfaced. Instead, Paris Hilton has become quite the model of sophistication.

How sophisticated is Paris Hilton? So sophisticated that when she launches her own tawdry MTV reality TV show she has the nous to accompany it with her own tawdry song which, we think you’ll find, is a level of sophistication right up there with taking tea on the bombardier’s croquet lawn.  And, as such, Paris Hilton has declared herself ready for motherhood. People reports:

“I definitely want three or four [children],” she told PEOPLE in Las Vegas Saturday night, while partying at Pure Nightclub for her sister’s birthday. As for a timeline? “Soon,” she said. “Maybe a year or two.”

But, listen, we don’t want you to worry that this is some sort of mind-destroying mating call from Paris Hilton. She doesn’t want you to strut about naked in her front garden or wank through her letterbox or anything like that, because Paris Hilton is perfectly happy and settled with Benji Madden from Good Charlotte.

So at least there’ll be an interesting level of anticipation should Paris Hilton and Benji Madden have a baby. Will the child gain be half-Paris and half-Benji and grow up learning from their collective wisdom, or will it get lucky and be kidnapped at the maternity ward, dumped in a forest and raised by wolves? We’ll be on the edge of our seats when the time comes.

Of course, we’re only joking here. Paris Hilton looks like she’d be a very good mother, and then knowledge she’d impart on her baby would be monumental. It wouldn’t be able to read or anything, granted, but at least it would be able to say “That’s hot” whenever it was hot. Or whenever it wasn’t hot. Or when it was hungry. It’d have a two-word vocabulary, basically.

We are told global warming is going to drown us, terrorists are going to blow us up and Paris Hilton is going to have a baby – it’s all too much.

The human body hasn’t evolved the capacity to deal with such misery, and so it seems that mass suicide is the only reasonable option.

But wait! Put down your nooses, brothers and sisters! Kick off those high heels, rip off those fish nets and spit that orange to the floor, because it would appear that Paris Hilton aint pregnant after all!

Yeah, we’re still gonna drown and be blown up, but really, who cares?

The showbiz world bust a nut recently when it was reported aris Hilton’s belly had expanded to the size of a less malnourished girl’s. There seemed to be two options:

1) She ate something

2) She was pregnant

Naturally, everyone thought she was pregnant. On first hearing the news, one reliable source spoke for us all when he told Hecklerspray:

Fuck! Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck! Fuck. Oh, just fuck it all, I mean, seriously, bollocks to it! Shit, you know? Jesus Christ.

But a source who witnessed Paris Hilton on Friday night, dancing, drinking champagne and smoking cigarettes at Tao nightclub in Las Vegas, where she was filming her MTV reality show, Paris Hilton’s My New BFF, said that it’s clear the she isn’t pregnant at all:

She’s clearly not pregnant.

See?

You’re probably thinking what we’re thinking, and what we’re thinking is this: It is quite easy to envisage Paris Hilton drinking and smoking while pregnant, just as it is quite easy to imagine her saying ‘my mum smoke and drank while she was pregnant with me, and look how I turned out!’

On the other hand, it’s also quite easy to imagine that, if Paris was to ever have an abortion, this is how she would go about celebrating it. And who could blame her? That’s one Paris Hilton party that Hecklerspray would be delighted to join in on.

We’d turn up early, be vomiting over the karaoke machine before the clock struck 7pm, before belting out the best rendition of KC and the Sunshine Band that we could muster. Come on!

But still, rather than throw your nooses away, probably best just store them in the cupboard for a while, you know, to be on the safe side.

Just look at Sloth and Chunk from The Goonies. Sloth, a malformed man-beast with a saliva control problem and a wonky eye, loved Chunk even though he was an unfortunate-looking kid who got left behind like the whiny dead weight he was.

The same is true for Paris Hilton and her boyfriend Benji Madden. Really the exact same, actually. This modern day Sloth and Chunk are so in love that Benji has slipped nicely into delirium and is blabbering to anyone that’ll listen about how Paris is perfect wife material. See? Just like Sloth and Chunk. Only more repellent.

Paris Hilton really does know how to rope in the winners, doesn’t she? She made a highly publicised naughty home video with Rick Salomon, then there was Nick Carter who may or may not have knocked her around a bit, and even a guy with whom she shared a first name and probably a variety of communicable diseases, just to name a few. Throw in there some undie-flashing and urinating in moving vehicles, and you’ve got quite a gal there.

But all of that’s okay, you know why? Because all of that experience and whore-bagging has helped shape Paris Hilton into the perfect future wife for her boyfriend Benji Madden (note: if this post just suddenly stops mid sentence, it’s because we simply cannot force ourselves to type the name ‘Benji’ one more blasted time).

Benji Madden – the brother and fellow Good Charlotte bandmate of Joel Madden, father to Nicole Ritchie’s baby, and unconfirmed relation to the shoe designer Steve Madden – has said some things in an interview for Yo on E! on Sirius radio about his relationship with Paris Hilton that has left us scratching our head for so long that we’re hitting raw skull right about now. Stuff like this:

“We have known each other for a long time, and I’ve always known the real Paris. I always knew that she was like…wife material or serious girlfriend material.”

So, if Paris Hilton is considered to be wife material what has Benji Madden rejected as non-wife material? Mail order brides from third world countries polluted with nuclear waste? Maybe he meant to say “material wife” instead of “wife material”.

Regardless, Benji Madden wants the world to know how ridiculously in love he is. He said:

“You just want to get on top of a mountain and go, I’m in love! But your fans would probably make fun of you.”

Of course, one needs fans for them to make fun of you. Luckily for Benji and Paris, you don’t have to be fans to make fun of them, and that’s where we cowboy up and bravely step in.

Read more:

Benji Gets “Sirius” About Paris – OK

They are accused of driving over photographer Glen Gurniak’s foot as they left a club in Los Angeles Thursday.

Gurniak was left grounded, squealing in pain, as if he were nothing more than a piece of disposable paparazzi trash.

However, he soon got up to file a police report against them with the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department. Spokesman Steve Witmore said:

“The incident is currently under investigation.”

Benji Madden was driving, with Paris in the passenger seat. Gurniak explained exactly what he thought happened:

“There were too many people that side of the car ,so he swung the wheels in my direction on the other side of the car and got my foot trapped under the wheel. I yelled at him, ’Dude, you’ve pinched my foot under the wheel, don’t drive, don’t drive.’ He turned and looked at me out of the window and then just drove. I fell to the floor as the car stopped and was just laying on the floor as everyone was screaming at him that he’d run me over.”

Last year Paris was jailed for violating a drink-driving probation, despite considering herself too pretty to be there in the first place. She behaved so well that she was released early, despite apparently trying to kill herself, as well as receiving death threats.

She surely wants to avoid going through all that again – sitting in the passenger seat is probably a good start.

But that’s not the end of worries; just yesterday she was officially labelled with the blame for the upcoming destruction of humanity in its entirety.

A video of Gurniak screaming in the aftermath has been posted at TMZ, showing the alleged victim’s shoe with a tyre-ish marking on it.

Read More – Hilton accused of hit and run – The Sun

Because for a gang of pointless sub Blink 182 pop-punk gormloids, Good Charlotte members have managed to score themselves some fairly high profile girlfriends. Joel Madden from the band famously got Nicole Richie pregnant, and now his brother Benji has wound up dating Paris Hilton.

We know. We're just two small marriages away from Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie becoming related. And we're fairly sure that'll bring about the end of the world in Ghostbusters Gatekeeper/ Keymaster scenario. Nicole being Rick Moranis, obviously.

There was a time when Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were inseparable. On their TV show The Simple Life Paris and Nicole would bimble about America failing to do tasks that even a lobotomised stoat would find a little on the easy side. It's not an overstatement to say that Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were the Thelma And Louise of shagging men on the internet and driving backwards up a motorway blasted on drugs respectively. 

Sadly, like most friendships involving Paris Hilton, Paris and Nicole fell out, and it was traumatic. There were claims of mutual practical jokes and petty pranks that threatened to tear The Simple Life apart, putting the livelihoods of the world's confused-sounding fiddle sound effect producers in serious jeopardy.

Despite this, the pair of them have managed to keep a few things in common. They've both been to prison, for example, and while Nicole Richie had a baby, Paris Hilton managed to maintain her IQ score slightly lower than that of an average newborn baby. Plus they're banging a set of brothers, which helps. 

While Nicole Richie is shacked up with Joel Madden from Good Charlotte, it looks as if his brother Benji Madden has started doing it with Paris Hilton. People reports:

Less than two weeks after Benji Madden split from fiancée Sophie Monk, the rocker is stepping out with another blonde bombshell. The new woman in his life? None other than Paris Hilton. "Yes, they are dating. It's pretty serious," a source confirms of the couple, who have been spotted together all over town – make that all over the country! In just the past few days, they have partied at Home nightclub in suburban St. Louis, shopped (while holding hands) at Hollywood's Fred Segal, and even grabbed lunch with Madden's mom.

OK, so Paris Hilton holding hands with a boy who's just a fortnight out of an engagement means that it's obviously not a serious relationship, especially since she hasn't even bothered to release an internet video of him boning her yet. But still, consider the consequences of what'd happen if things did turn serious and Paris Hilton really did get married to Benji Madden while Nicole Richie got married to Joel Madden.

We'll tell you the consequences – really shit Boxing Day family get-togethers, that's what. We can barely imagine.

Read more:

Suddenly Inseparable: Paris Hilton & Benji Madden - People