Miley Cyrus is like the Mother Theresa of relevance, giving hungry?has-beens a few bites of the fame cookie and in turn?getting their names written about.? It’s like she is on a mission to share a little of her overloading publicity with those who peaked about a decade ago, when Cyrus was still a chipmunk faced Disney starlet.
However, maybe Miley should be a little more careful about the way she is going about spreading her fame.? Especially when what she’s spreading can easily result in a case of the gift that keeps on giving.
Recently, Miley was seen hanging out with former post-Disney It girl turned conductor of the fuckery train, Lindsay Lohan.? Everyone kind of side eyed that for multiple reasons.? One, Lohan is supposed to be a recovering addict and we all know Miley is all about whatever feel good drug or drink she can get her over exposed tongue around.
Two, Lohan is a celebrity leech. Whether it’s giving up her fire crotch to a dude (or occasional chick)?for rent money, or slithering on any red carpet that doesn’t have a restraining order enacted on her, Lohan is like a homeless crackhead willing to suck yo dick for $5.? So to see Cyrus embracing Crazy Train Lohan when she bombarded her in the?club, ?instead of eye rolling and turning her back, was both a little shocking and oddly sweet (in a totally weird, this shit is not going to end well, way).
Then for Halloween, Cyrus decided to be the non offensive version of Julianne Hough and dress up as Lil Kim back before her face resembled a melted Bratz doll, which got people Googling Kim and blogs mentioning her name again.
Which, by the way, was back in 1999 when Miley was like 6 years old.?? I’ll give you a minute to stop feeling old as shit.? The only time people ever really talk about Kim anymore is to make fun of her facial situation, so I am sure she was appreciative to have people remembering a time when she was still semi attractive.
However, it was later on that night that Cyrus got a little grimy with her throw back behavior.?? Cyrus attended a Halloween party at Adam Lambert’s house, where she met the less attractive brother from Good Charlotte, Benji Madden.? Apparently after sharing a few puffs of “salvia,” Miley thought it was a good idea to swap spit with the Madden.? The two eventually left together, which of course means they did it.
Now, I get that Miley is young and newly single.? But girlllllllllll- Benji Madden?? Not only is the dude not that attractive, or talented, or at all beneficial to your career, but he used to fuck Paris Hilton!? In California, I am pretty sure?on the?blood donation forms under “THESE BITCHES CANNOT DONATE!” there is one line that says “If you have ever engaged in any time of physical contact with Paris Hilton’s crotch.”? Basically, having sex with Hilton is like sticking your dick in a bucket full of typhoid.? What a total step down from the deliciousness that is Liam Hemsworth.
So now Miley is going to have to get her shit tested, and probably have to call the CDC to get decontaminated.? She is only 20 years old, way too young and popular to be hooking up with this level of guys.? What’s next, Wilmer Valderamma?? Side note, if you want to bring back the early 2000s with your hook up choices Miley, may I recommend hitting up Lil Romeo or even Jonathan Lipnicki?? Cause those boys turned out hottttt.
Speaking of Hilton, this all seems very 6 Degrees here.? Lindsay used to be a Hilton pal, until Lohan forgot Paris’ cardinal rule for friendship – always make everything about Paris.? Hilton then blew Lindsay off harder than if she were a rich guy with a pound of the best coke around.? Also, this year for Halloween, one of Hilton’s costumes was Miley from the VMAs.? So Miley is just picking up Hilton’s tossed asides?? Who is next?? Will Kim Kardashian become Cyrus’ new BFF?? Will she start swapping spit with Nick Carter?
Oh my god I’ve got it.? Miley needs to obviously do a remix version of “Stars Go Blind” with twerking, and hoodrats, and actual singing!? It would be epic.