Tobey Maguire – recently confirmed to produce a new ‘gritty’ version of The Little Mermaid ha ha ha ha ha ha ha – is playing dumb at the moment after being accused of having an illegal gambling ring which also featured Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio and Ben Affleck.
Imagine the conversations they have around the table. It must be like putting your ear to a sea-shell and listening to a hermit crab fall asleep mid-wank.
Anyway, the man who ruined Spiderman for everyone was named in an illegal gambling suit in which he was sued for taking part in a game with jailed criminal Bradley Ruderman.
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Do you like fictional crimes being solved by actors portraying the kind of folks who like solving crimes? Well, you’re going to drench your gussets with excitement at this competition where you can win a copy of The Town and a Wire boxset!
And you don’t really have to do anything! Just answer some stupid question!
Of course, the world doesn’t normally work like this. You normally have to earn things with graft, but with this easy chance to land some free stuff, you can feel what it must be like to be Paris Hilton or something.
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Keep this to yourself, but we’re starting to get a tiny bit worried about Ben Affleck – specifically his arseholeishness.
Ben Affleck’s arseholeishness has been proven in his film choices, his J-Lo relationship and his fondness for schoolboy deodorant commercials. But lately there’s been less arseholeishness – first he directed a film that wasn’t horrible, and now he’s given his new daughter a non-horrible name.
Ben Affleck’s new daughter is called Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck. An only slightly weird name followed by two normal alternatives? We pray that Jennifer Garner chose the name – a reality where Ben Affleck isn’t an arsehole is too horrible to consider.
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It’s been a week since Jennifer Garner went to hospital to give birth to Ben Affleck’s baby – so what was the hold up?
We’re pretty sure that it was one of the following two scenarios: 1) Jennifer Garner’s baby refused to come out until it was promised a helicopter and a suitcase of money, and an FBI negotiator had to talk it down to a scooter and a shiny penny, or 2) Jennifer Garner’s baby realised that Ben Affleck was its father and decided to stick it out in the womb.
Either way, Jennifer Garner had a baby girl yesterday. So there.
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Jennifer Garner has more reason than most to celebrate 2009 – and not just because it’s a year potentially free of Gary Busey’s pervy spittle.
No, apparently Jennifer Garner is having a baby. Or she’s had a baby. Or she’s about to have a baby. Nobody really seems to know. Jennifer Garner checked into a hospital on New Year’s Eve with Ben Affleck, and she’s darned if she’s not coming out without a baby.
So congratulations to Jennifer Garner. And double congratulations if the baby ends up more like you than Ben Affleck. And triple congratulations if he’s not the father. Happy new year!
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State Of Play - the movie adaptation of a BBC mini-series that recently hit the headlines when Brad Pitt didn't want to be in it any more – has had another member-swap.
Now, thanks to Brad Pitt suddenly leaving State Of Play and Russell Crowe taking his place, production has been slightly delayed – and that delay has meant that Edward Norton has been forced to drop out as well. But, undeterred, the State Of Play team have laboured on and quickly signed up Ben Affleck to fill his shoes. And don't forget that State Of Play still hasn't started filming yet, so by the time it hits cinemas we can expect State Of Play's all-star line-up to include two Baldwin brothers, the girl from The Craft who wasn't Neve Campbell or the pretty one, a Chinese Highland Shrew and your Mum.
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