Posts tagged as:

America

Mark Wahlberg Could’ve Stopped 9/11 From Happening Like Some Stupid Looking Superman

by Mof Gimmers

Thanks to half of America turning its internet black yesterday, it was an excellent time to bury bad news. Likewise, it was an awful time because celebrities were saying stupid things and we missed them. Such as? How about Mark Wahlberg saying that he could’ve single-handedly stopped 9/11 from happening? Today, Marky Mark has apologised [...]

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Simon Cowell Almost Put Genitals Into Paula Abdul

by Euan L Davidson

Sometimes, you hear a piece of news that changes everything. Where were you when you heard about 9/11, for example? Do you remember the exact second you heard when Brookside was being cancelled? When Osama was killed? When Slobodan Milosevic was finally taken to task for his war crimes? But this is next level. Simon [...]

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Christina Aguilera Has Put Some Weight On Which Is Great For 6th Form Feminists

by Mof Gimmers

Christina Aguilera has a problem. That problem is not knowing when to tone it down when she’s singing. That’s it. That’s the only thing that is truly wearisome about her. Even when she flubbed her lines while singing the American National Anthem, only bozos got narked. However, there’s another thing that people keep mentioning – [...]

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All American Muslim TV Show Underlines How Much USA Hates Islam

by Mof Gimmers

Hey America! Muslims are awful, awful things aren’t they? Apart from Mohammed Ali. You like him don’t you? Dave Chappelle is alright too, huh? And Ice Cube. And you like all those bands on Atlantic Records, a company set up by maverick Ahmet Ertegun. Guess what? Massive Muslim. And Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. There’s LOADS of celebrity [...]

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Russian News Reader Gives Barack Obama The Bird Live On TV

by Mof Gimmers

Russia and America haven’t ever really got along have they? They’re both giganto land-masses that just love antagonising each other with spies, wars and lousy impressions of each others accents. At least the news is always impartial, eh? Like hell. Have you seen Fox News? And Fox & Co (not a Top of the Pops [...]

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You Know What You Want? Crotchless Knickers For Children, That’s What!

by Mof Gimmers

We’ve read twitter. We know what you bastards want. You want outrage. A constant, trickling source of things to get angry about. You love it when people are sexist, racist or pick on the poor don’t you? Course you do. But what about the children? Won’t someone think of the kiddies? Well, someone has and [...]

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Ricki Lake Reveals She’s Just As Stupid As Any Other Lonely Person When She’s Online

by Mof Gimmers

Ricki Lake is a lovely sod isn’t she? Even if her particular brand of cheeriness and optimism grates, you can’t truly hate her can you? Of course you can. She’s a celebrity. You can hate them all you want. Despite being considerably more wealthy than you, her successes don’t mean she’s not prone to massive [...]

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American Christians Are Mental And Heckle Obama [Video]

by Mof Gimmers

Did you know that Barack Obama is the antichrist? Did you have any idea? Must be something to do with his Middle Eastern sounding name. So thank Godly Godlington that Christians are on-hand to point out that Obama is some kind of lousy, Middle Eastern infidel who… …hang on a minute. Wasn’t Jesus from Palestine [...]

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Working Wombs And Vile Snacks On The Jessica Simpson Roadshow!

by Mof Gimmers

You know Jessica Simpson, right? She’s that blonde woman of no-fixed talent. She’s a thing that exists solely to provide erections to teenage boys, produce dribble in the arrestedly developed adults and occupy perfectly good shoes. Well, she’s tired of being a nothing and is finding some self-worth inside her ovaries. Yes! It’s the news [...]

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Tony Bennett Tells America It Was To Blame For 9/11 And Dubya Knows It Too

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! Tony Bennett! We know you’ve got a duets LP to promote, but forget all that – we wanna know what you think about terrorism. Y’know, you’re not exactly a 100% American lookin’ anyway, which effectively makes you a foreigner. As such, you’re probably sympathetic to those terrorist guys, right? What’s that? You think that [...]

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