You know Alec Baldwin right? No. That’s Stephen Baldwin who appeared on Celebrity Big Brother, punching Jesus down people’s throats and generally being a sinisterly odd article. No. Alec is the funny one. The nice one. The one who gets thrown off planes for playing word games.

What?

That’s right! Alec Baldwin’s addiction to a wordy  smartphone game got him in trouble on an American Airlines plane. He just really wanted to play the word ‘UNITED’ apparently.

A spokesman for Baldwin, who goes by the name of Matthew Hiltzik, said:

“He loves WWF so much that he was willing to leave a plane for it, but he has already boarded another AA flight”

Sadly, WWF means Words With Friends as opposed to his love of animals or ’90s wrestling. We kinda wish it was the latter. Getting thrown off a flight for a thorough Papa Shango impression or Macho Man Randy Savage elbow splash would have been a superior story to tell.

Either way, he was playing his little game and had to get off the plane. It isn’t clear whether Baldwin was told to leave because he had refused to turn off a device.

Of course, Baldwin went straight to twitter to tell everyone about it.

One tweet took aim at the crew, saying he would never again fly on American Airlines…

“where retired Catholic school gym teachers from the 1950′s find jobs as flight attendants.”

In a statement, American Airlines decided to be conceptual about the whole thing, saying that they are not in the business of making comments on…

“something that might or might not have happened.”

Baldwin also tweeted:

“Flight attendant on American reamed me out 4 playing WORDS W FRIENDS while we sat at the gate, not moving.”

And when a CNN anchor asked Baldwin about “Words with Friends,” the actor replied:

“It’s…well….addicting.”

So there. It’s not helped his knowledge of words grow has it? Now, if you don’t mind, we’re going back to daydreaming about Alec Baldwin dressed up as Ultimate Warrior.

Alec Baldwin didn’t attempt suicide yesterday, just as he hadn’t attempted suicide for 18,941 consecutive days prior to that.

But, for a while, it looked like he had. According to breathless news reports yesterday, Alec Baldwin was rushed to hospital after his daughter found him unresponsive following a fight where he threatened to take pills. However, Alec Baldwin says that isn’t the case, and he’s blamed the overblown media reaction on his ex-wife Kim Basinger.

For those keeping score, that means that the list of things that Alec Baldwin blames Kim Basinger for now includes the media reaction to a phony suicide attempt, the leaking of a furious email, the way that hotel air conditioners are sometimes hard to use, the assassination of John F Kennedy, male pattern baldness and the functional extinction of the Baiji river dolphin.

It’s difficult to know where to stand with Alec Baldwin, isn’t it? Take him on face value – big in the 1980s, anger problems, a bitter divorce, a mistaken belief that he was born to change the world for the better, a CV that includes some mind-blowingly awful films, links to weird and ultimately false suicide bids – and you’ve basically got David Hasselhoff. But Alec Baldwin is different to David Hasselhoff, in that he occasionally makes things that are of some worth. It’s a muddle, isn’t it?

For instance, if David Hasselhoff had been rushed to hospital yesterday after reportedly being found unresponsive by one of his own children, we’d all know how to react. There’d be concern, obviously, but that’d be tempered with a barely restrained glee because we got to show the drunken hamburger video again. But when Alec Baldwin was rumoured to have been found in the same situation yesterday? Difficult. We’ll just the Boston Herald explain what happened:

Baldwin, who is “completely fine”, was taken to hospital after his daughter called 911 early yesterday claiming the star was “unresponsive” in their West Side apartment. An official said Baldwin and his daughter had argued and she told 911 that he had threatened to take pills. A source close to the actor said: “There were no drugs. There was no alcohol. And there were no pills or threat of pills.”

It’s probably worth noting that other sources have claimed that Alec Baldwin was unresponsive because he had ‘a bad reaction’ after taking an Ambien, which technically is a pill so there

But whatever the reason, Alec Baldwin was quickly released from hospital and went home to discover cameras swarming everywhere. How did they find out about the hospital visit so quickly? Back to the Boston Herald:

“Gee, I wonder how they found out?” the source said. “This is another example of Kim’s sickness.”

Ah, good old Kim Basinger – if she really is responsible for telling the media that Alec Baldwin had tried to kill himself, it’d be up there with her other alleged shenanigans, like the time she reportedly leaked Alec Baldwin’s “rude little pig” voicemail to the press, or the time it’s claimed that she went out of her way to manufacture a selection of chocolate bar wrappers for her daughter that disparaged Alec Baldwin’s reputation as a father. Honestly, their divorce is the gift that keeps on giving.

But we’re sure that Alec Baldwin will have the last laugh in all of this – he’s hosting the Oscars next month, after all. Just try not to act too surprised when the big opening number turns out to be a version of Almost There from The Princess And The Frog that’s been rewritten to explain what a horrible bitch Kim Basinger is in uncomfortable detail. It’s almost definitely going to happen.

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The big showbiz news rendering important newspaper and magazine desks in London completely agog is that Louisa Lytton – who played someone-or-other in EastEnders – has just taken the world by storm by playing an exchange student in the latest American Pie movie.

Without wanting to urinate too heavily on Louisa’s chips, who gives one?

Soap stars have been silently ascending Hollywood’s greasy pole for years now. In fact, some of your favourites have most probably spent a short window of their career awkwardly channelling the spirit of a lonely hunk called ‘Bill’ ordering a coffee. Read on, and you’ll find four men who weren’t ashamed to make a living from these so-called “soap operas”…

Ben Kingsley


Before Ben Kingsley became mega-famous – playing a tiny Indian gentleman called Gandhi, and later, the magnificent Don Logan in Sexy Beast – he played a put upon Northern woman in a flowery dress scrubbing feverishly at her front step in Coronation Street. Or something.

Guy Pearce

Once the cheerful Ramsey Street heartthrob who got to dance his delicate fingers all over Plain Jane the Superbrain’s nerdish thighs, Guy Pearce has gone on to wonderfully dizzy heights. We like him best as the do-gooder cop in LA Confidential, or the obsessive maniac in Momento Memento – a film which sets out to blow your mind by telling a story from end to beginning. Yeah, he’s all a bit art-farty, that Mike from Neighbours.

Alec Baldwin

We don’t want Alec Baldwin to retire from acting – no one does. A hunch suggests that even Alec Baldwin doesn’t want to retire from acting. In fact, perhaps he was acting when he said it? Yeah, that’s probably what it was. He was winding everyone up. He’s hilarious, that Alec Baldwin. So bloody hilarious. God we love Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin. Who, by the way, managed to craft a fantastic career despite starting out as a televangelist-gone-mental called Joshua Rush in the popular US soap opera Knots Landing. Most of his former cast-mates have also given up acting by the looks of things.

Russell Crowe

Whether Russell Crowe took his token brooding intensity onto the Neighbours set, we’re not sure. But we do know that Neighbours might have missed a trick by only casting him for a handful of episodes in the late-80s. He’d have made a wonderful Madge. As things panned out, he went on to whisper and roar his way through Gladiator, pretend to be barmy in A Beautiful Mind, and the word on the street is that he’s pulled on a set of tight green leggings to give us his take on Robin Hood. Our prediction: an intense, lonely Robin Hood mutters dramatic sentiments, whilst his pals Friar Tuck and Little John nod to his face, then talk in whispers behind his back about what a cock that Robin is turning out to be. Should be excellent.

This was a guest blog by none other than Josh Burt from Interestment. Wonderful.

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As the film 2012 so subtly demonstrated, the Mayans predicted that Armageddon would take place in 2012.

And you know what? They were right. Although a lot of what they said is open to interpretation. Some assume they meant that the world will literally come crashing to a fiery end in 2012, while others think it’ll be the year when the sequel to Thomas And The Magic Railroad is officially ruled out forever. Big fans of Thomas The Tank Engine, the Mayans.

If the latter is correct, they were onto something all along. Alec Baldwin has announced that he’s quitting the acting business forever in 2012. This is clearly a tragedy, because that means that Stephen will get promoted to Most Famous Baldwin. Ugh.

The next decade is going to be one of terrible upheaval. Not because climate change will kick in and we’ll spend half of it submerged in defrosted north pole. Not because China will emerge as the leading world superpower and we’ll all be forced to pretend that we like Jackie Chan more than we actually do. No, it’s because both Oprah Winfrey and Alec Baldwin are leaving us. Oprah’s decided to bow out to set up a network that nobody will watch in 2011, and Alec Baldwin has announced that he’s going to give up acting the following year.

Because what you probably don’t realise is that there’s more to Alec Baldwin than simply acting. He’s also dedicated to writing stroppy little blogs for The Huffington Post whenever he feels like it, plus he’s been promising to write a book about what a massive bitch Kim Basinger is for as long as anybody can remember, plus he’s yet to come up with an insult even less appropriate than “You’re a rude, thoughtless little pig,” so he needs some time to work on that. Plus he clearly wants to be the president of America so much that it’s sort of embarrassing to watch.

So he’s done. Alec Baldwin is seeing out his 30 Rock commitments, and then he’s done with acting forever. Reuters reports:

“I don’t have any interest in acting anymore… I consider my entire movie career a complete failure,” he told Men’s Journal. “The goal of movie-making is to star in a film where your performance drives the film, and the film is either a soaring critical or commercial success, and I never had that. And now, the movies I’ve been in, I never give them a moment’s thought.”

We can’t help feeling that this is a mistake. Ask anybody and they’ll be able to reel off a list of classic Alec Baldwin moments. The scene in Glengarry Glen Ross. His narration in The Royal Tenenbaums. Stealing The Departed from the rest of the cast. The ‘God complex’ speech from Malice. Aside from middle-aged binge-eating, acting is the only thing that Alec Baldwin is any good at. He’s a good actor. In fact, no, Alec Baldwin is a great actor.

Admittedly that’s compared to the rest of the Baldwin brothers. And, now we come to think of it, you could put a monkey in a deerstalker and it’d look like a great actor compared to the rest of the Baldwin brothers. So Alec Baldwin can do whatever he likes, we suppose.

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Do you like everything that Steve Martin has ever done, and everything that Alec Baldwin has ever done, and the Oscars?

You do? Then you’re probably the only one. Oh, and also we’ve got some wonderful news for you. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are going to host the Oscars next year! That’s right – the hilarious brain behind The Jerk and the glowering show-stealer from Glengarry Glen Ross are combining forces to host the most glittering night in the Hollywood calendar!

Or the old man from The Pink Panther 2 and the fat bloke from Thomas And The Magic Railroad are combining forces to trudge through six hours of smug backslappery that nobody really watches any more. One or the other.

This year’s Oscars were, it’s fair to say, an unqualified success. Whoever made the decision to book Wolverine, dress him up in spandex and make him hotfoot it around the stage desperately banging out old showtunes at the top of his voice until everyone started entertaining thoughts of suicide sure does deserve a promotion!

In fact, Hugh Jackman‘s turn as Oscars host was so revelatory that we assumed it’d be the formula for all other Oscar nights from now on. We thought that we’d get to see the star of a forthcoming action film thrashing through an extended song and dance number based on hokey old Hollywood in-jokes every year from now on. And that would have worked out pretty well for us, because one of our greatest ambitions has been to see Russell Crowe belt out a tapdancing version of There Is Nothing Like A Dame that’s been modified to include a reference to how old Jack Nicholson looks these days.

But that’s not to be, because the 2010 Oscar hosts have been announced as Steve Martin from The Man With Two Brains and Alec Baldwin from the world’s most needlessly acrimonious divorce. The New York Times reports:

The coming Oscar show will have a pair of hosts who are not so much matched as deliberately mismatched: Steve Martin, the versatile comic, and Alec Baldwin, a straight man who sometimes reaches for a laugh… “We’re expecting a spirit du combat,” Bill Mechanic, a producer of the Oscar show, said of the Martin-Baldwin matchup.

Now at first glance you might think that Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin make an odd combination to host the Oscars. But you’d be wrong. For starters, Steve Martin is a seasoned host of the Oscars and Alec Baldwin has shown himself to be both a formidable straight-man and a gifted impersonator. Also, both Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are famed for their work with Tina Fey, which shows that they have a complimentary sense of humour.

Most importantly, though, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are set to star in It’s Complicated – a forthcoming romantic comedy starring Meryl Streep and directed by Nancy Meyers from What Women Want that opens on Christmas day – so it’s guaranteed that neither of them will actually win an Oscar next year. Who could ask for more?

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Cameos in movies are always a bit of a double-edged sword.

On one hand they can provide audiences with a reaction of genuine delight when they find a big-name star who was not listed in the opening credits has suddenly turned up on screen to enliven and enrich the film in progress.

The more negative reaction however can see fans of a particular actor howling in anger as some wannabe gate-crashes some other big-name star’s party – usually with a scene of such gravitas that it completely overshadows the main star’s performance.

After all don’t actors get enough work of their own without having to swan around in movies which were meant for the people who’s names are up outside the multiplex?

Even worse are the fame-hungry fly-by-nights who, not content with already being famous in fields such as sport or politics, have to go and show up in the world of showbusiness too.

Like them or hate them it seems cameos will always be a part of the great world of cinema and just for your viewing pleasure we have listed the best 20 we could think of.

Any we’ve forgotten…well they’re probably off appearing in some other list somewhere.

20 – Jarvis Cocker – Harry Potter and Goblet of Fire

After his unwelcome, but undoubtedly amusing, cameo in Michael Jackson’s Earth Song performance the former Pulp frontman decided to stick with what he knows best.

19 – William Hootkins – Star Wars

He was master of the cameo in his day and thanks to the net his untimely death in this scene is being blamed on a Mexican food-fuelled fart.

18 – Bruce Willis – Loaded Weapon

John McClane would have kicked their asses – sadly this was not his movie.

17 – Bruce Springsteen – High Fidelity

We’ve tried hard to make Britney Spears materialise in our bedrooms but apparently it only works for lucky gits like John Cusack.

16 – Martin Sheen – Hot Shots Part 2

I loved you in Wall Street – brilliant.

15 – Keith Richards – At World’s End

Clearly influenced by the fans and the media this cameo showed some people really will do anything for money.

14 – Lance Armstrong – Dodgeball

If ever you feel like quitting – just imagine a pep-talk from a man who doesn’t know the meaning of the word.

13 – Mike Tyson – The Hangover

Even once hated and universally shunned boxers seem able to make us say ‘all is forgiven’ by doing stuff like this.

12 – Sean Connery in Robin Hood

Historians agree Richard the Lionheart was born in England and raised French – so why does he sound here like he hails from Kilmarnock?

11 – Matt Damon – Eurotrip

If you go to school with the right mega-stars they too may one day agree to cameo in one of your films.

10 – Chris Rock – You Don’t Mess With The Zohan

Man loses entire family – consoles himself with Chinese food.

9 – Samuel L Jackson – Iron Man

A special kind of cool cameo – one which hints at the next blockbusting film to come.

8 – David Hasslehoff – Spongebob the Movie

Also appeared in Dodgeball – but this saw him back in Baywatch mode. Couldn’t he have bought Pammy and the girls with him, though?

7 – Stan Lee – Marvel series

OK to play old man on street or postman to the Fantastic Four – but who told him he could pull off Hugh Hefner?

6 – Animator – Aladdin

Not strictly a cameo but rumour has it this was a piece of sabotage created by a pissed-off animator who told Aladdin to take Princess Jasmine’s clothes off. Fair play to him.

5 – Richard Burton – Zulu

Could have got any jobbing actor to read out the opening and closing narration but thankfully decided to go with a legend who’s voice sends shivers up your spine.

4 – Alfred Hitchcock – Everything!

The cameo master – no contest.

3 – Tom Cruise – Tropic Thunder

You got us back on side with this one Tom – but not for long.

2 – Chuck Norris – Dodgeball

If Chuck Norris says you play Dodgeball. YOU. PLAY. DODGEBALL!

1 – Alec Baldwin – Glengarry Glenn Ross

Better in these seven or so minutes than he was in any of the films in which he was the star. There you have the true definition of a cameo.

[story by Chris Longhurst]

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Like movie stars and music moguls, television people like nothing better than an evening of expensive outfits, impressive golden statuettes changing hands, and beautiful faces all sitting around telling one another just how brilliant they all are at their jobs. It’s only a shame that such wonderful nights out don’t stretch into normal jobs.

We shall only ever dream of a day when undervalued stone masons and building site skivvies get to breeze around outside hotels shouting details of their suits/blouses to hysterical reporters. What a great day that would be.

Last night it was the 61st edition of The Emmy Awards, so everyone who couldn’t quite cut it on the big screen turned up, their skin soft and shiny, their hair just about achieving the perfection they demand. Embarrassingly, practically all of the males in attendance turned up in the same dinner-suit-plus-tie outfit. The women, meanwhile, shimmered and sparkled like fireworks at an eighteen year old boy’s impromptu bonfire night party in the back garden with most of his friends. Seriously. They looked that amazing. 

The big cock-punch of the evening went to the gigantic throbbing minds behind Family Guy, who were hoping to become one of the first cartoons to snaffle the Best Comedy gong. There’s a whisper that The Flintstones did it about sixty years ago, or something. But it wasn’t to be. Instead, the cheerful 30 Rock gang were awarded their third in a row, meaning that the show’s creator, Tina Fey, can now think about giving her Emmy’s a hilarious nickname – like The Bee Gees, or ZZ Top. Or any other band that consists of three members. She’ll have fun with that. She’s a creative woman. She loves challenges.

On the downside for Fey, she did lose out in the battle of the women with four-letter names beginning with T, when Toni Collette took the grand prize as Most Fantastic Actress Making Everyone Laugh in a Comedy. For those not up on these things, she stars as a bonkers maniac in a show called United States of Tara. Well done her. Luckily for the 30 Rock crew, Alec Baldwin did make up for the howling disappointment of it all by winning the male version of the same prize.

Elsewhere, Mad Men – the tale of men smoking at work, and the sexy ginger one convincing timid secretaries to have it off with their bosses – was declared Greatest Drama. Glenn Close, who will be forever remembered as the recipient of the full Michael Douglas tongue in Fatal Attraction, triumphed as a dramatic actor, as did Bryan Cranston, who was repeatedly overlooked for his stunning work in Malcolm in The Middle. The Academy – or whoever it is – is clearly making up for that now. He won for Breaking Bad.

Here’s what Jessica Lange said at one point during the evening:

“I can’t believe I’m standing here.”

You tell them, sister!

Like this? Then check out more of Josh at Interestment. Go! Do it!

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When hecklerspray’s eyes first met those of our sweet wife, it was as if she wasn’t in a crate at all. As the UPS truck pulled away it seemed to pull our deepest worries with it. After all – it was love we were feeling.

After we crow-barred out over 100 nails we realized Melva hadn’t really been gazing at us lovingly. She was actually in a medically induced coma for shipping purposes, and her eyes had just happened to roll back in the direction of her air holes.

Imagine our dismay. Also, imagine Alec Baldwin‘s dismay in a separate mail-order-bride incident.

When Alec Baldwin’s marriage to Mario Van Peebles (if our theory about Kim Basinger owning a very realistic man-suit proves true) fell apart so horribly, he probably realised it was because she hadn’t been Fed-Exed anywhere in her entire life. Well, fool him once, shame on him – if you know what we mean.

What we mean is that the next time he gets married, it may be to someone he bought in a cheaply made magazine. He said that as a joke, actually – on Letterman. His facetious manner apparently didn’t translate well into Filipino. We know this because, according to the Huffington Post:

“Philippine Sen. Ramon Revilla said Monday that Baldwin’s comment was “insensitive and uncalled for” and an insult to millions of Filipinos. He called the actor “arrogant” and said he is apparently unaware that the Philippines has a law against mail-order brides. “Let him try to come here in the Philippines and he’ll see mayhem,” Revilla said, using a local idiom that implies the speaker will personally administer a beating.”

That sounds terrifying. The last thing we’d want is some tiny Filipino action star coming at us with rage in his eyes. That’s why we had to return Melva. That’s why we had to return most of Melva.

Ahem.

Baldwin may be scared out of his mind too. Scared enough to issue an apology like this one:

“I’d like to offer an apology and a clarification to remarks I made recently. While on the David Letterman program, I joked that I might need a “mail-order bride” to achieve the goal of having more children in my life. I believe that most people understood that this was a joke and took it as such. However, I do apologize to anyone who took offense. The comments of some Philippine government officials come as no surprise to me, either. Even the one by a former action film star-turned-Senator who beckoned me to come to the Philippines so he could “beat” me over my comment.”

Oh Baldwin – when will you learn that the Philippines haven’t mail-ordered brides in years? They do it on MySpace now. This is nice because you can Google translate with the girls a little before settling on one specific catalogue number or the other.

One can’t be too hasty when it comes to matters of the heart. Unless there’s some sort of a half-off special.

Those things you just gotta jump on.

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Alec Baldwin is old. And tired.

He’s old and he’s tired of wearing man girdles, and he just wants to be loved.

Don’t worry, Alec. We hear your desperate plea for love and affection. We hold our arms open wide for you – even wider if you don’t have your girdle on. We’re forever yours faithfully, Alec. Journey-style.

Unless, you know, you’re just saying all of this because you’re broke. Obviously, no one will want you if you’re broke.

Alec Baldwin is a long-standing figure in Hollywood. Easily the most successful of the famous Baldwin brothers – although, we just can’t help but keep rooting for Stephen – despite his ultra-messy divorce from Kim Basinger, and highly publicized custody battle over their daughter, Ireland. But his successful career and own sense of self-importance should provide all the happiness and fulfillment he needs.

Right? Money buys love, right? No?? Wait…does that mean that givin’ out all the goods on the first date doesn’t get you love either?? Our whole foundation of principles and values is crumbling before our eyes!!

But we digress. Yes, Alec Baldwin wants to be loved…by you. Just you. And nobody else but you. Or, at least, so the case may seem because he pretty much rags on everyone else in a recent interview with the New York Post. Alec’s outlook on life has changed over the years. He told the New York Post:

“I’ve been single for seven years and as I get older, I think all I want is to be loved. The world becomes a place where you think, let everyone else have it. Let them all fight over jobs and money . . . You want things in life that are lovely.”

For instance, one thing that is lovely is family. Alec says of his brothers:

“I was the oldest child, always worried about my parents. I was the one who raked the leaves and cut the grass and shoveled the snow and cleaned the dishes.My brothers were like hillbillies. They had no sense of responsibility.”

And Arnold Schwarzenegger. Alec’s passing out the warm fuzzies there, too:

“I’m sick and tired of everybody saying what a great guy he is. For me, his election as governor was offensive.”

But hey, you can read about all of this and more in Alec’s book coming out about “parental alienation”. It’s entitled A Promise to Ourselves: Fatherhood, Divorce and Family Law.

That’s love. It’s tender, isn’t it? Top it off with calling your young daughter a filthy little pig, or something, and you have yourselves the makings of a sweet, sweet love affair with Alec Baldwin.

Remember, Alec. Forever yours. Faithfully.