As much as we're told that X Factor is a singing competition, we've always just had it down as the place where Sharon Osbourne goes to roll her eyes around and spout all sorts of mind-bending nonsense for an hour a week.
But now we're slowly facing up to the fact that Sharon Osbourne might not be a part of X Factor any more, after she did a very good impression of a woman quitting the show live on air on Saturday night when two of her acts went up for elimination. But despite all the near-hysterical 'Sharon Quits X Factor' headlines you'll have read, remember that judges netting the show all kinds of publicity by pretending to quit, or pretending to get fired, before triumphantly returning a week later is X Factor's bread and butter. At least we hope that Sharon Osbourne's on-air X Factor resignation was a publicity stunt because, if it wasn't, she's going to be replaced by Chris Moyles. Which is frankly unforgivable.
There's something about X Factor that just makes judges want to leave, isn't there? It's not a surprise, though, really – because making a frightened young wannabe singer sing a song, watching them sing the song and then arbitrarily slagging them off for ten seconds for an hour a week is right up there with stitching footballs in sweatshops and deep-sea trawler fishing if you ask us. Until now, Louis Walsh was king of the X Factor walk-out, after dramatically quitting the show for about 12 minutes two years ago and and then getting dramatically sacked by Simon Cowell before being dramatically reinstated on the first show of the series. And you know that the television industry is in trouble when it asks you to care about Louis Walsh, don't you.
But Louis Walsh can kiss it, because Sharon Osbourne – the best Mum in the world ever to call Mother Teresa an ugly old cunt – has snatched his crown. On Saturday night's X Factor, after Sharon Obourne's three acts performed three bewilderingly awful songs – which we've already autopsied in today's X Factor betting odds – the show ended with one of them getting eliminated, another barely surviving elimination and the other one deserving to get eliminated. All of which was too much for Sharon Osbourne, who promptly threw a strop and apparently quit X Factor live on air. In a dramatic way. The Press Association reports:
The 55-year-old wife of former Black Sabbath star Ozzie Osbourne announced live on air during Saturday night's results show: "I'm out – gone!" Show host Dermot O'Leary told viewers: "Sharon can't choose between her acts. The final vote will be between three judges, as Sharon has decided to leave." … Sharon refused to take part in the eviction process, leaving Louis Walsh to send Kimberley home after her performance of It's Raining Men received a mixed response. A spokesman for the show said: "She was very upset last night. All we can say at this stage is that we're hoping she'll be back for next week."
We don't want to say that this is just a great big publicity stunt to try and help X Factor get better ratings than Strictly Come Dancing, but just because we don't want to say it doesn't mean it's not true. Chances are that the X Factor judges are on some sort of pretend-resignation rotation system – Louis Walsh did it, Sharon Osbourne has done and next year it'll be Simon Cowell's turn to dramatically quit after his man-boobs spill out of his top and smack Dermot O'Leary in the face or whatever.
Let's all just hope that Sharon Osbourne decides to return to X Factor for next week's show, not just because Saturday's X Factor saw her unveil her brand new persona – like Anne Robinson's oedipal inhibition-free special-needs cousin – that was single-handedly the most entertaining thing about the show, but because Chris Moyles wants to be a judge and we can barely stand the programme anyway without having Doctor Fox: The Next Generation forcing the remaining 14-24 female singers to perform nothing but Shed Seven cover versions again and again until Christmas.
But still, whether this was just a calculated publicity stunt or not, remember that it could have been worse. Although Sharon Osbourne quitting X Factor is a shock, we should all be thankful that it wasn't Sharon Osbourne doing a striptease on X Factor.
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