We're fully aware that ITV pleb-beacon The X Factor has a strangely captivating effect – much in the same way that the late Bill Hicks referred to his constant watching of Cops as being 'like a guy with a sore tooth … I just can't stop touching it.'
Well, kids… prepare yourselves for that mouth-achin' to get more painful.
You'll all probably be aware by now that chirpy little munchkin Louis Walsh has been fired from the next series of X Factor, as has instantly forgettable non-presenter Kate Thornton. So far, so irrelevant, you may think – until you hear who's being mooted as the replacement.
It's none other than that thing from Blade cheeky DJ chubster Chris Moyles.
Louis appeared on Chris Moyles' Radio 1 Show (a listening experience roughly about as enjoyable as drinking a pint of diarrhoea – and we're talking Type 7 here, folks) yesterday morning and told the world:
"I was axed from the X Factor, stabbed in the back, just pushed aside really. I'm absolutely gone and I didn't know I was getting the chop at all. I was in Stockholm in a hotel when I got the phone call. … The buck stops with Simon [Cowell]. He hires and he fires and then he hides behind the ITV people."
Can someone call a cardiologist? Hecklerspray thinks our hearts might be bleeding.
A little harsh of us, no? Well… no. Not when you consider that Louis then turned to Chris Moyles and said this:
"I think you'd be a brilliant judge and I know Sharon likes you a lot. They should hire you. We should start a national petition to hire Chris Moyles for the X Factor. You'd be great for the show."
Jeeeee-sus. Don't encourage him, Louis. Please.
Although – thinking about it – this could actually be a good thing. Chances are that – if that worthless fat buffoon does end up appearing on the show – X Factor will go from being a mere car-crash curiosity to actually downright unbearable. Meaning that we'll all be able to turn our TVs off and go outside.
To find Chris Moyles and hit him.
Read More:
Walsh backs Moyles for X Factor – Breaking News
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I don’t get your constant Chris Moyles bashing. Most of the celebretards you ridicule on the site are deserving of such vitriol, I don’t feel that Chris Moyles is.
As a JUDGE?! A presenter i could (sort of) understand, but don’t forget that Chris Moyles’s all-time best ever band is Shed Seven… is that what we want in an X Factor judge?
Because he is a terrible, terrible cunt, that is why Nathan.
OMG say it isn’t so.I heard it was David Guest , which is bad enough…. jungle fever popularity or not.Chris Moyles is a rude, overweight, loud mouth bully I cannot stand him and there are millions more like me out there.
I am one of those millions, Moyles is a fat, obnoxious sack of rancid pig spunk, I believe his critics are less kind
I think most of u are being very harsh. I hear Chris really is a lovely guy, u just have to get used to his ways. I find him to be very entertaining and I think he would make an excellent judge.