There’s no point wondering what the stupidest thing left for Rihanna to do is, because she’s already done it.
And the second-stupidest. And the third-stupidest. And the fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh-stupidest. But what’s the eighth-stupidest thing left for Rihanna to do? Why, star in a remake of a film about a woman who a man is trying to kill, of course.
Rihanna is reportedly going to star in a remake of The Bodyguard. Apparently she plans on hitting the high notes of I Will Always Love You by letting Chris Brown stomp on one of her hands. Who knew?
First the good news – all the fuss over Rihanna and Chris Brown has died down a little lately. The court date has been set, the outrage has died down and the online community of Chris Brown fans have either grown tired of defending him or lost the basic cerebral ability to use or recognise a computer keyboard. It’s almost over.
And now the bad news – it’s becoming increasingly apparent that Rihanna’s brain got completely scabbed up after Chris Brown’s alleged attack on her, because not a single thing she’s done since the incident has made even a scrap of sense.
There was the moment when Rihanna decided to take Chris Brown back, of course. Then there was the moment when Rihanna and Chris Brown reportedly got married. And then there was that duet they recorded together. Hasn’t Rihanna seen the Jennifer Lopez movie Enough? If your partner beats you up, you need to train to expert level in an obscure Israeli martial art and then push him off a balcony to his death, not sing a bloody song with him.
And now comes perhaps the most bizarre thing that Rihanna has done since Chris Brown’s arrest – she’s planning to star in a remake of The Bodyguard. You know, the film about a woman who lives in fear of being attacked that starred a woman whose husband was once jailed for domestic assault. Smart move, Rihanna. The New York Daily News reports:
The battered pop star made an impromptu trip to the Big Apple over the weekend to have some meetings about impending projects: one of which is a proposed remake of 1992?s Whitney Houston/Kevin Costner flick, ?The Bodyguard.? Rihanna would be taking on Whitney?s role in the updated version, which an insider says would be a ?young and sexy take? on the favorite film.
Now, we’re sure that if Rihanna’s jaw has been reset well enough for people to understand what she’s saying, then her remake of The Bodyguard will be an almighty success.
But she should be careful – while it might be fun for Rihanna to follow in Whitney Houston‘s footsteps now, it can only end up in one of two ways. Either she’ll get addicted to crack or she’ll make a reality TV show about Chris Brown using his fingers to scoop the constipated turds out of her rectum.
Or, worse still, Waiting To Exhale.
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R u crazy says
Lets all be serious now, rihanna hit a a whitney note pshhh that should be terrible.
JoeMomma says
It’s official Hollywood has run out of ideas. A remake from a movie only 17 years old?
Does this mean she’s also going to turn into a raging coke addict because of Chris Brown? Is Chris Brown going to have to yank out hard poopsies from her butt?
shooty* says
more to the point, you [i]have[/i] seen Enough?
Julian Mentat says
Hey, I walked out of a job once; can I star in a remake of “Falling Down”?
Stuart Heritage says
I read the synopsis on Wikipedia, which I feel is probably the best way to get the most from the film, Shooty.
Shooty* says
Mentat: I can top that. I once went for a job at Mcdonalds after a very heavy weekend on the beers. I got as far as asking for the application form, then threw up on the front counter.
I didn’t get the job.
koren grant says
A remake of a movie that wasn’t good at all in the first place… yea that’s brillant.