Lots of people – OK, just us – have compared the Chris Brown/ Rihanna saga to What’s Love Got To Do With It.
And, boy, we love that movie. Especially the part where Ike Turner beats Tina Turner up and she leaves him, changes her mind, takes him back and they live happily ever after. Oh, wait, that bit didn’t actually happen, did it?
Never mind, because it’s happened to Chris Brown and Rihanna. Apparently Rihanna has taken Chris Brown back. Let’s hope they have kids soon, because then at least there’ll be someone else that they can take their anger out on.
We’ve long been of the understanding that Diddy is the sole root of everything that’s wrong with the world, and frankly we’re being proved right time and time again. Not only can you trace Joaquin Phoenix‘s recent mental disintegration back to Diddy teaching him how to rap, but now he’s gone and arsed up the Chris Brown/ Rihanna affair as well.
It was all going perfectly to plan, as well. Chris Brown had been arrested for allegedly beating up Rihanna until she needed to be hospitalised – which he’d apparently done a few times in the past already – then some horrifying photos of Rihanna’s injuries were released. What was supposed to happen next was that Chris Brown’s career would implode while Rihanna released an autobiography, a self-help guide for abused women, a new album full of I Will Survive-style songs about overcoming difficulty in the face of rubbish men and a movie career exclusively limited to guest-spots in horrible Mad Max sequels.
But no. Diddy had to stick his poxy nose in, didn’t he.? According to reports, Diddy has decided to step and and let Rihanna and Chris Brown use his Miami house to patch up their differences and, yes, get back together. That sound you just heard? That was everyone on planet Earth collectively slapping its forehead at the same time. People reports:
Rihanna and Chris Brown are “definitely together” and focusing on a reconciliation, a source tells PEOPLE. The pair, who are currently spending time together at Sean “Diddy” Combs’s house on Miami Beach’s Star Island, are staying indoors as they hash things out. “They are definitely together and care a great deal about each other,” says a Miami source. “They feel like staying in and working through their issues.”
We know. We know. Nobody understands why Rihanna has decided to take Chris Brown back but, for the sake of it, here’s a list of possible reasons:
1 – Rihanna is a certifiable idiot.
2 – Rihanna is jealous that Chris Brown got to bugger up his career, so she’s having a go at messing hers up as well.
3 – No, really, Rihanna is actually an idiot.
4 – Rihanna is pregnant and wants Chris Brown to bring up the baby because she’s curious to see what a man who allegedly choked a full-grown woman unconscious because she threw some keys out of a car window will do when a toddler puts some toast into a VCR.
5 – Rihanna is an idiot. We can’t stress that enough. She’s an idiot.
6 – Rihanna loves Chris Brown.
No, that last one’s too far-fetched. Look at the man’s teeth, for crying out loud. We’ll just stick with the idiot thing for now. It’s easier.
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shooty* says
You do appreciate that 90% of the people who are about to leave their scary, scary comments will have no idea what a VCR is, don’t you?
Or will think it’s a kind of STD.
JoeMomma says
VCR is Venerial Communicable Rabies. It’s a very serious STD that shouldn’t be joked about.
I have had a close personal frend have serious VCR issues, their eyes become red and always blink.
You really should do some research before you make your statements.
diana says
leave the people them alone people do make mistakes it important to givethem a second chance to prove themselves and if it works it works if it doesn’t oh well cut rihanna and chris so slack they are young and young people make mistake it’s what we learn from so leave them alone
Mithaearon says
“their eyes become red and always blink. ” Fuck I so want that! IT would be awesome, I would pretend I am some kind of vampire :P Oh wait you said it shouldn’t be joked about…..
magnetite says
I think they were given the choice of getting back together, or watching one of Diddy’s tantric sex sessions. Even if I was going out with Harpy Medusa (debut song hits the charts tomorrow) I’d reconcile rather than watch that.
shooty* says
You know what, it’s getting to a point now where I don’t know if posters like Diana are genuine, or me, mith or Magnetite taking the piss.
Fairly sure it’s not me, mind.
Alice says
Such wonderful “Role Models” for our young people. Like there isn’t enough physical abuse going on in the world! Women are still having to overcome the thinking that it’s “Okay” to hit a woman and slap her around when she doesn’t do or say what she is told to do. Rihanna is an idiot, because when you don’t stand up for yourself and you allow a man to do this to you, it only “Gets Worse, Not Better”. Most studies show that once this happens in a relationship that it gets easier for the man to react in the same abusive way, each time that the man cannot control his feelings or emotions. Of course after the act, the man is “Always So Sorry” and says the same thing “It will Never Happen Again”. Rihanna and other women that allow men to abuse them, need to Wake Up and Get Out and Smarten Up.
Julian Mentat says
I’d laugh if Diddy came home and they were gone and his place was trashed.
magnetite says
Not me, Shooty*. I’m only ever (for good or ill) me.
It’s hard enough coping with that…and the tiny floating heads that orbit me shouting cruel deprecations.
JoeMomma says
Personally I like the ones like Alice who keep it real! I imagine they watch Nancy Grace and get emotionally invested into it.
Homey Translation
Alice you 2 cerius, Nansey Graze is a ho, don’t be all up in otder peoplez biz niz yo!
James Bond says
What the hell is this bitches problem getting back with that bucked tooth skank bag.
BB says
Don’t know if Diddy has any daughter’s but I’d beat her ass for a vacation. Hell, niece, aunt, sister grandmother he can pick.
mst3kster says
“leave the people them alone people do make mistakes it important to givethem a second chance to prove themselves and if it works it works if it doesn
Julian Mentat says
It’s fun and educational to list all the keys Diana should have pressed but didn’t:
SHIFT , . SHIFT . SHIFT ‘ s SPACE , , ; , ! SHIFT SHIFT SHIFT m e . SHIFT , s . SHIFT , .
euclid says
Oddly Julian, that is the exact sound of the reunion of R&C.
Now THAT’s punctuation. (Or is it “punk’d your asian?”) Anyway, thanks
for the hard work. By the way, I’m asian. Or at least, I’m trying to be.
I keep making mistakes.
Curtis says
Here is a blog with an interesting point of view. I think Rihanna is creating her own reality. Check it out: http://jujumama.wordpress.com/2009/02/12/rihanna-a-quantum-view-no-victims-no-villains/
coffee says
that would be crazy if Rihanna and Chris Brown got back together; in any case, there is probably more going on behind the scenes than the media can pick up on
seely says
http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/03/05/chris.brown.charged/index.html
seely says
read that it should make anyone sick to their stomach
Deborah says
People listen!
Theres only one reason why they are back together!
Rihanna doesnt want Chris Brown in jail, and that is whats going to happen when they dont get back together. Now they can change the whole story and act like everything is good. Until this court sagga ends, then they will probably go there own ways.! Watch & See!
Ciao
RT says
Agree with your article, i just wish people would stop talking about these two losers. I could care less what happens to her, she obviously enjoys it, and he’s a lowlife. I hope they both lose all of their endorsement deals, everyone should boycott them.
Amy says
This whole thing just pisses me off. I think it is so ridiculous that Chris Brown did that, but Rihanna is the idiot in my mind, i mean im still a fan of her music but not of her personally. She is sending a horrible message to her young fans out there who have probably had boyfriends/girlfriends hit them. Ugh i just think the whole thing is ridiculous and stupid. Everyone needs to stop talking about it, cause everyone is happy with what they have done. Chris is pleased cause he still gets Rihanna and Rihanna…..wow thats great! Good For Yall!!!! [sarcasm]
Tywanna B.K.A Da Mississippi Gul says
i meant fuck all dem caz dere don kno wat goin on wit yall so jus do wat u do ok caz i stil wan to fuck u ok Sorry Mrs.Rihanna yea um gointo fuck yur man ha ha ha ha lol lol lol lol lol LOVE U CHRIS BROWN STILL WANT TO FUCK U
yonisha says
People don’t know what happened so stop with the nonsense…
kiki says
THEY ARE BOTH IDIOTS! IM SOOOOO FURIOUS THAT HE GOT OFF WITHOUT ANY JAIL TIME. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT TELL MEN OUT THERE?! ITS OK TO CHOKE AND BEAT YOUR GF UNTIL SHE IS UNCONSCIOUS AND YOU JUST GET PROBATION?!?!? MESSSSED THE F UP.
Bruce says
Hard to feel sorry for her if he beats her to death next time. Why do women go back to these guys? “He loves me. He only beats me when I deserve it.”