And, boy, we love that movie. Especially the part where Ike Turner beats Tina Turner up and she leaves him, changes her mind, takes him back and they live happily ever after. Oh, wait, that bit didn’t actually happen, did it?
Never mind, because it’s happened to Chris Brown and Rihanna. Apparently Rihanna has taken Chris Brown back. Let’s hope they have kids soon, because then at least there’ll be someone else that they can take their anger out on.
We’ve long been of the understanding that Diddy is the sole root of everything that’s wrong with the world, and frankly we’re being proved right time and time again. Not only can you trace Joaquin Phoenix‘s recent mental disintegration back to Diddy teaching him how to rap, but now he’s gone and arsed up the Chris Brown/ Rihanna affair as well.
It was all going perfectly to plan, as well. Chris Brown had been arrested for allegedly beating up Rihanna until she needed to be hospitalised – which he’d apparently done a few times in the past already – then some horrifying photos of Rihanna’s injuries were released. What was supposed to happen next was that Chris Brown’s career would implode while Rihanna released an autobiography, a self-help guide for abused women, a new album full of I Will Survive-style songs about overcoming difficulty in the face of rubbish men and a movie career exclusively limited to guest-spots in horrible Mad Max sequels.
But no. Diddy had to stick his poxy nose in, didn’t he.? According to reports, Diddy has decided to step and and let Rihanna and Chris Brown use his Miami house to patch up their differences and, yes, get back together. That sound you just heard? That was everyone on planet Earth collectively slapping its forehead at the same time. People reports:
Rihanna and Chris Brown are “definitely together” and focusing on a reconciliation, a source tells PEOPLE. The pair, who are currently spending time together at Sean “Diddy” Combs’s house on Miami Beach’s Star Island, are staying indoors as they hash things out. “They are definitely together and care a great deal about each other,” says a Miami source. “They feel like staying in and working through their issues.”
We know. We know. Nobody understands why Rihanna has decided to take Chris Brown back but, for the sake of it, here’s a list of possible reasons:
1 – Rihanna is a certifiable idiot.
2 – Rihanna is jealous that Chris Brown got to bugger up his career, so she’s having a go at messing hers up as well.
3 – No, really, Rihanna is actually an idiot.
4 – Rihanna is pregnant and wants Chris Brown to bring up the baby because she’s curious to see what a man who allegedly choked a full-grown woman unconscious because she threw some keys out of a car window will do when a toddler puts some toast into a VCR.
5 – Rihanna is an idiot. We can’t stress that enough. She’s an idiot.
6 – Rihanna loves Chris Brown.
No, that last one’s too far-fetched. Look at the man’s teeth, for crying out loud. We’ll just stick with the idiot thing for now. It’s easier.