Rihanna & Chris Brown Recording World’s Most Grisly Duet?
Rihanna’s last album was called Good Girl Gone Bad. Here’s betting that her next one will be called Bad Girl Gone Stupid.
Because really. Rihanna getting back with Chris Brown after he allegedly beat her up was one thing, but now? Now it’s been reported that Rihanna and Chris Brown are currently in a recording studio together because – wait for it – they’re actually recording a duet.
We don’t know what the Rihanna/ Chris Brown duet will be called, but we hear it’ll be the lead single from the forthcoming compilation album Now That’s What I Call Spectacularly Misinformed Career Choices.
In the past, Rihanna has achieved her greatest successes by not listening to the advise of others. Like, for example, when she was recording the song Umbrella someone told Rihanna to just sing the word ‘umbrella’ once in a normal voice, so she decided to sing different bits of it eight times in a row in a stupid voice instead. And, lo, history was made.
But when it comes to Chris Brown’s alleged attack on her face, Rihanna seems to have taken her mistrust of advice to a berserk new extreme. By and large the general consensus from more or less everyone was that at worst Rihanna should leave Chris Brown and at best press charges against him until he was thrown in jail forever. So what did Rihanna do?
She got back together with him. And then she possibly married him. And now, just to make sure she really hits home about what an astonishing gonk she is, Rihanna is reportedly recording a duet with Chris Brown as well. E! Online reports:
The seemingly reconciled duo have been working on a duet that Brown is hoping to include on his new album, due out later this year, a studio source tells E! News. “They’ve been working on it together,” the insider says. We have also learned that award-winning record producer Polow Da Don, who has worked with Brown in the past, has been holed up with them at a Santa Monica recording studio for the last several days.
So far there aren’t any details about this new Rihanna/ Chris Brown duet, but we’d imagine that the backing track is made up purely of the groans and disappointed head-slaps of Rihanna’s friends and family when they discovered that it was actually real and not just an especially horrible rumour.
Either that or, you know, it’ll be driven by the sound of a human skull repeatedly being bounced off the inside of a car window. Who knows?
One thing’s for sure, though – this duet is bound to be a hit. No, that’s an unfortunate choice of word. It’ll be a smash. Oh, that’s not very appropriate either. It’ll threaten to kill the charts, punch it in the face until its mouth fills up with blood, choke it unconscious then run away in a fit of panicked guilt.
Yes. Yes that’s exactly the phrase we were after.
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Ooh, I got a leaked tracklisting. It seems to be a wildly ecletic covers album, apart from the bonus track. No indication of what the duet will be though. Durations in square brackets where known.
01. The Donnas – You Don’t Wanna Call [4:01]
02. Flotsam and Jetsam – Pick a Window
03. Aimee Mann – Driving with One Hand on the Wheel
04. Necromantix – Love at first bite [4:33]
05. Colour Revolt – Blood In Your Mouth [5:44]
06. Tinchy Stryder – Take me Back [3:09]
07. Unknown duet with Rihanna
08. Satan – Alone in the Dock
09. Keith Richards – Locked Away [5:48]
Bonus track: Being violently dry-bummed by a huge serial killer with hepatitis [the next 5 years]
All that fucking work and I went and spelt eclectic wrong. bollocks.
Wot no Smack My Bitch Up? Hit Me Baby One More Time? Too obvious?
Rihanna has some real stuff going on. She is a villian turn victim. Abuser lies and says that she is the abused. Rihanna really makes real abused women have to fight that much harder to get anybody to believe them. The victim profile in this case really fits Chris! His mistake was not recognizing that she is not good for his. Everything that looks good to you is not necessarily good for you. She hit once, she will hit again. You are not going to change her. I’m sure that she thinks that using violence to maintain control is perfectly normal in her relationships. Cut your loses Chris! Do Not plead guilty! Just tell the truth. You willnot be able to forgive yourself if you don’t. She’ll get the help she needs. And for God’s sake, you are too young to be in a committed relationship. Don’t tell anybody else you looove them until you know that you are ready to commit! Mom of 2 girls in Petersburg, VA
Yes iris
How dare a women this day and age be worried about getting an STD from some groupy reguardless of the fact her boyfriend is alone for weeks at a time on tour with women throwing themselves at him. Its not like it could kill her right??? Question him…the nerve!!!! Next thing you know women will start making there own money, having opinions and may even start voting. I just knew it would all fall apart once fathers started actually loving their daughters and wanted to marry them to good men that wouldn’t raise a hand to them.
WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP TALKING ABOUT STDs?
I really want to know.
Is the answer ‘the internet’?
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from all these Rihanna debates, it’s this: punch one woman, and a dozen more will spring to your defence.
And I’m interested in anything that helps me to meet a dozen women!
Joke police
“Magic Johnson”