The defence in the Phil Spector murder trial rested on three main points: that Phil Spector is a midget, that Phil Spector is right-handed and that Lana Clarkson was upset because Michael Bay didn't recognise her once.
While the first two of these points are indisputable – Phil Spector is right-handed and so puny that a newborn baby could probably take him in a fight – the third point had a few more shades of grey to it. Especially to Transformers director Michael Bay, who was so outraged about being vaguely implicated by a witness in the Phil Spector murder trial that he's been brought into court as part of the prosecution's rebuttal to assert that he didn't ignore Lana Clarkson enough for her to kill herself. This latest turn of events has probably put the skids on any sort of future Michael Bay / Phil Spector collaboration – a shame, since we've always wanted to watch a gormless action film about a giant robot in a lesbian wig urinate on an angry government official.
And you thought the Phil Spector murder trial was all but over, didn't you. It sort of is – the defence rested last week after importantly working out that Phil Spector is right-handed – but now the prosecution gets to do a quick rebuttal, then everyone's going for a day out to Phil Spector's castle and then the jury's out. But the first of these – the prosecution's rebuttal – probably won't take that long because Phil Spector's defence was pretty crummy in the first place.
The figurehead expert in the Phil Spector murder trial fled the country after a judge said that he'd tampered with evidence, the defence wasn't allowed to use Lana Clarkson's diaries to prove how mental she was and for every person claiming that Lana Clarkson was depressed enough to kill herself there were three more saying that Phil Spector had tried to rape them or confessed the murder to them or just shouted "Fucking cunts!" as loudly as he could at parties a while ago.
And then there was the testimony of Lana Clarkson's friend Punkin Laughlin, who insinuated that part of the reason Lana Clarkson killed herself is because Michael Bay blanked her at a party. Admittedly Laughlin's testimony was somewhat tarnished when it emerged that she once said she wanted Phil Spector to fry, but that didn't stop Michael Bay from getting his knickers in a twist enough to write an entry on the Michael Bay blog charmingly referring to Punkin as a "disgusting piece of shit." Or from turning up to court to give his side of the story, which he did yesterday. Forbes reports:
Bay testified he remembered Clarkson from a time he cast her for a small role in a car commercial in 1998, but denied ever seeing her among the 350 to 400 other people at the Hollywood Hills party in late January 2003. "If I disrespected her she probably would have slapped me," Bay said. "She was just that saucy."… Defense attorney Brad Brunon noted that Bay did several movies after he first met Clarkson. Asked whether he ever offered her a role in one of his movies, Bay snapped, "No. But I never offered Tom Hanks a part either."
And that was it – less than half an hour later the Michael Bay section of the Phil Spector murder trial was over. Although you'd have never guessed that it was Michael Bay's testimony since it lacked so many of his personal signatures, like explosions, flashy editing, an vastly overblown sense of self-worth and the uncanny ability to send hecklerspray to sleep within 15 minutes of it starting.
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