The widely-held truths about Pete Doherty are that his face looks like it's made out of pastry, his fans wildly overreact to everything and that he never goes to jail.
However, that's a list which will have to be revised now, because Pete Doherty has just started a 14-week jail sentence for breaching his probation with bad timekeeping, missed appointments and the continued use of various drugs. And thanks to this prison sentence, Pete Doherty has had to cancel an upcoming concert at the Albert Hall.
Wait a minute, Pete Doherty takes drugs? Crikey, that's news to us. They'll be telling us that Amy Winehouse smokes crack next.
Hey you! Couldn't get enough of Pete Doherty's first prison diary? Really? You couldn't? Well then, you obnoxious pseudo-intellectual Wilfred Owen-quoting dipshit, this is your lucky day – Pete Doherty is probably hard at work on his second volume right now. Either that or he's being harrowingly sodomised by a mentally unwell arsonist in a laundry room.
That's right – we thought it'd never happen, but Pete Doherty is finally in jail. It's taken a while, we'll admit, but he's finally there. You'll remember that recently Pete Doherty has avoided jail for crimes such as kicking a photographer and having all the drugs on him and having all the drugs on him again, but this time Pete Doherty went too far.
This time Pete Doherty missed an appointment with a parole officer. There's no excuse for shoddy timekeeping, even when you're a chubby busker. Hanging's too good for him. Anyway – long story short- Pete Doherty gets to spend the next 14 weeks in chokey, as The Times reports:
"Pete Doherty spent the night in Wormwood Scrubs last night at the start of a 14-week sentence for breaching a probation order… Yesterday he was sentenced at West London Magistrates’ Court in front of District Judge Davinder Lachhar. The judge said that the singer was to be punished for his breach of time-keeping, non-compliance of his order (missing appointments with probation officers) and using different drugs."
However, anyone with even a passing interest in celebrity jail sentences knows that 14 weeks doesn't mean 14 weeks – Pete Doherty will be released after seven, possibly even four, weeks. Which means that Pete Doherty's Glastonbury performance will be just like a great big prison release party for him, except that it won't be characterised by his mother sobbing in a corner and muttering about what a bitter disappointment he is throughout it.
Usually at this point we'd say how prison might be a good thing for Pete Doherty, providing him with the harsh reality that there are repercussions to his actions. But we're not going to bother, because at best the only thing that Pete Doherty will gain from his time in prison is a few more archaic prison slang terms for him to pepper his awful songs with.
Of course, it's the trilby makers we feel sorry for – first Blake Civil-Fielder gets locked up and now Pete Doherty. They're the trilby manufacturing industry's two biggest customers. It'll be a lean few weeks on the horizon for the hat people, that's for sure.
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You're an idiot says
What’s your problem? What has he ever done to offend you? He is a brilliant lyricist and poet, what have you got going for you? You’re a crap journalist for an even crapper website. Sort your life out and stop moaning about everyone elses.
mst3kster says
When his cell mate turns Pete into his little bitch and wants to make a butt-baby on their wedding night, P-Doh’s going to learn a new definition of smoking crack.
Mithaearon says
Ahhh to tie in with my Diddy comments (see other news story):
“He is a brilliant lyricist and poet” isn’t that like saying Diddy is a brilliant lyricist and poet?
witheld says
This is the gayest, lamest peace of shit ever. It is not clever, funny or cool.
euclid says
This is a blow to bad drug-addled wordsmith poet lyricists everywhere.
I mean, if you can’t publicly self-destruct then what’s the point really? Why go on?
Obliterating yourself in private is just so common, not glamorous at all.
[or]
You just don’t understand him. He’s so sensitive. Imagine being
born with your spine like 3 meters outside of your body, right?
That’s how sensitive. I mean he’s like One with the primordial pain,
you know? like every amino acid in his body is just screaming
right? Why can’t you see how beautiful he is, man? I bet right now
he’s surrounded with people who can really appreciate his gifts
and see him for the beautiful young talent that he is.
Haters.
gir says
I think you will find, witheld, that YOU are the gayest, lamest peace [sic] of shit ever. And YOU are not clever, funny or cool.
flierpa says
aww you guys! group hug and boisterous bawling of cumbaya!
witheld says
i have never tried to be funny or cool so thats fine
the intentions of this are obviously to be like that so it is incomparable
idiot
euclid says
wit held- your lack of effort is succeeding admirably.
Keep up the lack of work! Or as you might say,
this is not as witty as that or the other which is more
like that than this or the other, so you really shouldn’t
hold it to the same standard as that. Or this. Fuckbrain.
flierpa says
snort@fuckbrain
tessdajkova130 says
you’re a real piece of shit and your “work” should be used as toilet paper. he’s a brilliant artist and just like many brilliant artists he has a problem. he’s really sensitive and imagine what he feels like right now you piece of shit
go hang yourself in the nearest forest!!!