Aside from the drugs, the self-harm, the wayward onstage performances and the erratic offstage behaviour, Amy Winehouse would be a model citizen if only her husband wasn't in jail for smashing some bloke's face up.
But he is, and he won't be getting out any time soon. Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil was supposed to be in court this week over claims that he beat a man up so violently that the injuries left him needing metal plates in his face, but thanks to Blake Fielder-Civil getting arrested again last week for perverting the course of justice, the case has been pushed back. That means that a) Blake's going to be held in custody for a lot longer than he thought and b) it's looking more and more likely that the next Amy Winehouse album will just consist of 12 increasingly morose renditions of the Birds Of A Feather theme-tune.
It's often said that the greatest love between a man and a woman comes when the woman is publicly disintegrating due to an addiction to hard drugs and the man beats up barmen a lot and then tries to buy their silence. That's the reason why Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil are the Romeo and Juliet of our times. Not Romeo and Juliet the fictional Shakespeare couple, you understand – we mean Romeo the Birmingham takeaway pizza outlet and Juliet Finch, the girl from our school who wet herself a lot.
That's not a title we bestow easily either – Blake Fielder-Civil and Amy Winehouse are always there for each other, whether Blake is helping Amy to freak out and run away from rehab or saving her life by initiating a bloody razorblade fight every time he catches her doing drugs with a prostitute in a hotel room.
But Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil are going to have to get used to coping without each other's company for the next few weeks because it doesn't look like Blake will be released from custody any time soon. Although he was due to go to court this week over his role in the beating of barman James King with friend Michael Brown back in June, his recent arrest for perverting the course of justice following last week's police raid on Amy Winehouse's home means that the whole thing's been postponed.
It's thought that Blake Fielder-Civil had offered James King £200,000 to change his story to the police and leave the country – something that the law apparently frowns upon slightly. So while the judge has decided to delay the court case until November 23 so that the perverting the course of justice charge can be examined, poor old Blake has to stay banged up in Pentonville. Mark Williams, the prosecution lawyer, has said of the new charges that:
"Things developed last week amid allegations that Mr Brown and Mr Fielder-Civil have conspired to pervert the course of justice to offer Mr King a significant sum of money to tell him to withdraw the allegations and to leave the country. Some of that has video footage."
So now the only times that Blake Fielder-Civil will get to see Amy Winehouse is when she visits him in jail, as she has been today. But it's not all bad news – we hear that hardened convicts like to treat skinny pointless gold-digging trilby-wearing tossmunches like royalty in jail.
Carmela says