A lot of things could be said about Paris Hilton. For instance, you could say she's named after the only city filthier than any underpants she's been wearing for more than three hours. Also you could say she has a lazy eye.
What you can't say about Paris Hilton, however, is that she cares in the least about alcoholic Indian elephants. She doesn't care about those at all. It doesn't matter to her that in that part of India, drunken elephants account for over 3% of pachyderm fatalities. It also doesn't matter to her that night-time elephant drinking increases tusky next-day workplace tardiness exponentially. Just on the morning shifts.
This incredible display of callousness proves once and for all that the post-jail Paris is just as shallow and selfish as her pre-prison self. Or perhaps it just proves nobody ever told her Indian elephants really like getting sloshed and tipping over electric poles. Whatever the case, the only statement her camp has made about India's very real problem is that she never made a statement about it.
You can throw Paris Hilton in jail, and then you can throw her in jail again, but by the stars you cannot imply she has any resolve to even slightly help a boozy elephant. The world didn't always know this though. That's why the Press Association said:
Socialite and drink-driving jailbird Paris Hilton has become an unlikely champion for conservationists trying to highlight the plight of binge-drinking elephants in north-eastern India. Hilton made what appeared to be a few throwaway comments after hearing how six wild elephants that broke into a farm in the state of Meghalaya were electrocuted after drinking supplies of home-made rice beer then uprooting an electricity pole. There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn't chased them away. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad," Hilton said last week.
It's even been said this here quote once poured out of Paris' concerned lips:
“The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them.”
That's a real nice quote, and it goes along nicely with Lindsay Lohan's recent statement:
"No more monkey meth."
Did Lohan really say that? We don't know. We do know that even though Paris sounded nice and concerned there, she's not having it. Her speciality is really tiny dogs, not giant disgusting elephants that won't even fit in a purse. If anyone ever dare think otherwise, Hilton's slave might just slit your throat. According to the Associated Press:
"In a Nov. 13 story, The Associated Press incorrectly reported that Paris Hilton was praised by conservationists for highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India. Lori Berk, a publicist for Hilton, said she never made any comments about helping drunken elephants in India."
So you got that? Paris Hilton is not now, nor has she ever been concerned about the plight of several drunken elephants. Should their tusks be ripped out tomorrow and their skins removed without anaesthetic, it wouldn't bother her one bit. Us neither.
So screw you elephants, and for Pete's sake learn some responsibility!
Gilbert Wham says
I want some Monkey Meth!
WTF says
…is “Monkey Meth”?