Forget the Oscars and the Grammys and the Golden Globes – they're all rubbish, largely because Paris Hilton won't ever win any of them.
Where it's at now, kids, is the Harvard University Woman Of The Year award, because – other than the inaugural Dozy Wonk-Eyed Slapper gala set for later this spring – it's just about the only award that Paris Hilton will get this year.
No, really, Paris Hilton is going to get a Woman Of The Year award. We're not making this up. Promise.
As comprehensive and groundbreaking as Paris Hilton's 1,500 page thesis on the first iconoclastic period of the Isaurian Byzantine dynasty is, it was generally thought that only way that Paris Hilton could ever get into Harvard is if she sucked off a security guard, filmed it and put it on the internet.
But how wrong we all were. As it turns out, Paris Hilton is going to Harvard University next month to pick up the Hasty Pudding Woman Of The Year award, because apparently she's been fairly important over the last 12 months. News to us.
But apparently this is true. Of all the billions of women in the whole world, the megabrains at Harvard have decided that Paris Hilton is the only one who deserves to become their woman of the year. According to UPI:
Hilton is slated to accept the award and speak publicly to Harvard University's student body at a large public ceremony in the middle of Harvard Square in Cambridge, Mass., Feb. 6, said Regent Releasing, the studio behind her new big-screen comedy "The Hottie and the Nottie," which opens nationwide Feb. 8.
Oh, OK – if the studio behind Paris Hilton's so-shit-that-only-an-idiot-would-watch-it misogynistic romcom The Hottie And The Nottie have announced this Woman Of The Year accolade, then maybe there's a fraction of a chance that it's all a lie baked up as a watery publicity stunt to boost awareness of that awful piece of crap movie.
But let's just say that it is true and that Paris Hilton really is going to accept Harvard University's Woman Of The Year award. Why? Could it be because the students at Harvard have witnessed Paris Hilton's dramatic personality shift from drink-driving jailbird to the Rwanda-shunning do-gooder who paints herself gold for charity that she is today and they want her to impart her zen-like messages of philanthropy on the children of the world?
Either that or they hear that Paris is a massive slut who'll bang anything that walks. One or the other.
Read more:
Dragonball Z Episodes says
She should win a nobel peace prize.
E. Dawnde says
So what’s the problem?
None of the people who have received the Hasty Pudding awards were actual heavyweights in movies at the time.
Many of the recipients were controversial figures during their heydays.
Elizabeth Taylor was hated for stealing Debbie Reynold’s husband, and for taking Burton away from his wife and hanicapped child.
Then there was Jane Fonda. And Grace Kelly had numerous affairs with married men in Hollywood before she became a princess. Katherine Hepburn carried on a longtime affair with the married Spencer Tracy. We could continue ad nauseum.
Cut Paris Hilton some slack. She had bad luck when her longtime boyfriend put their private tape on the market after their breaup. What kind of a man would do such a thing.
But Paris Hilton is no worse than most Hollywood celebrities. Hasty Pudding gave the 2007 award to Ben Stiller,for chrissakes.
Also, the 2008 HP awards have not yet been officially announced,so at this point it’s just the usual rumors and fake newspaper articles which seem to crop up regularly when editors need to fill space.
Paris Hilton is certainly successful in her many commercial undertakings,and who knows, she may also do quite well in the movies in the future. We have to remember that most famous actors started out with a few howlers before they they had a hit movie.
gir says
To be fair, putting aside her tremendous failures in film, television, and music, “her many commercial undertakings” amount to “being born richer than God.”
So yes, she’s certainly been successful at that.
Mike says
Paris Hilton isn’t getting the Hasty Pudding Award, she’s getting a mock honor from The Harvard Lampoon, an undergraduate club and humor magazine. Last year theygave a similar award to Danny Bonaduce, so the thing is, it isn’t really an honor; the joke’s going to be on Paris… not that she isn’t already a joke as is.