Readers’ Letters: “THIS IS MEANT TO BE A WEBSITE?!” Or “How To Make Friends With Morons”

by Michael Park

It’s Friday and the hecklerspray bedsit has breathed a collective sigh of relief as they’re allowed out into the world to live among functioning humans for a couple of days. Unfortunately, I’m still here as there are Readers’ Letters to be analysed. Still, it’s nice to have a bit of peace and quiet to work. [...]

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Mark ‘Terrible Bastard From TOWIE’ Wright To Ruin Cinema All By Himself

by Euan L Davidson

Do you hate everything yet? Do you wake up angry, in cold sweats thinking “this is all just terrible. We have one chance at a viable, enjoyable life and yet the culture we digest is diluted, spoon-fed nonsense with people who are inexplicably famous, we should be worth far more than this” and then carve “4REAL” into your arm?

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Staring At David Beckham’s Groin Is Fine, Obviously (Unless You’re His Daughter)

by Mof Gimmers

Women! When you’ve stopped complaining about the negative, overtly sexual images of women in media, which breed an unrealistic body-ideal in young girls, we’d like to point you in the direction of David Beckham in his underpants. See, ol’ GoldenNads has done a photoshoot for some undercrackers he’s flogging through dreary clothing bazaar, H&M. A [...]

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Madonna Promises That There’ll Be No Wardrobe Malfunctions At Super Bowl (Thank God)

by Mof Gimmers

Remember when Janet Jackson invented the term ‘wardrobe malfunction’ at the Super Bowl? That was good wasn’t it? In the old days, it was just called ‘flashing’ or ‘exposing yourself’, which is clearly what happened, but Janet’s people had to pretend it was an accident. Well, people are a little nervous of a nipple being [...]

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Harry Potter Can’t Handle His Drink Because He’s A Massive Wimp

by Mof Gimmers

Harry Potter star, Harry Potter (or, Daniel Radcliffe as his mum refers to him when she’s shouting abuse up the stairs) is a wimp of the highest order. Why? Because wickle Dan Dan can’t handle his ale. And he’s proud to admit it. Apparently, Radcliffe had a drink problem. The problem was that, every single [...]

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Super Bowl 2012: Worst Star Spangled Banner Performances, EVER!

by Mof Gimmers

Super Bowl Sunday is nearly upon us, leaving 99.9% of the Great British public absolutely nonplussed. The remaining 1% is made entirely of 3 super fans and a host of the curious. Still, that shouldn’t stop us looking at it.

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Geri Halliwell Wants You To Look Like Her 15 Years Ago

by Robin Darke

People of the World, spice up your life, as Madhur Jaffrey advised us. And now, ladies, spicing up your life is even easier, because singer/author/actress/thin Geri Halliwell has finally done what everyone presumed she would have done years ago and released a range of clothes inspired by the iconic Union Jack dress she popped out [...]

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Pop Promos: It’s Like The Worst Bits Of The 90s All Over Again

by Lauren Mullineaux

Pop promos! More of them! There’s always new music being made. This is, of course, a good thing. It’s also a really, truly awful thing. Some records come out and you just think ‘why did you bother?’

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Who Cheated On Gwyneth Paltrow?

by Mof Gimmers

Imagine being Gwyneth Paltrow. Awful isn’t it? All that self-serving hippie-dippy nonsense floating around your head telling you how wonderfully wonderful you are. All the while, Chris Martin gazes at you lovingly like a kindly priest longing after a crumpet. BLECCH. Never mind that though because we’re interested in pain! Paltrow’s pain specifically! So join us [...]

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Super Bowl 2012: Top Ten Big Game Commercials

by Mof Gimmers

You may think the Super Bowl is all about a sporting event, but you’re wrong. It’s all about television and, specifically, the adverts that litter the game. American Football is the perfect sport for the advertising exec.

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