Gossip for grown-ups
Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. Now when you hear that the Koran has appeared on a baby, you no doubt get a visual of little arms and tiny legs sticking out from underneath a very dusty, thick book. Although that's almost definitely happened at one time or other - that's not what we mean here. No - we mean actual verses from the Koran have appeared scribbled on a baby boy's skin - repeatedly.
When London was announced as the host city for the 2012 Olympics, many concerns immediately started swirling around our heads. Chief of which was how ready the city would be. Frankly, we need to see a constructed swimming pool filled with water so the likes of Michael Phelps don’t have to race against each other in the sewage-infested River Thames. But that's not all. There's also the question of whether Boris Johnston will set himself on fire or not. But mainly we're worried about following China's $100 million opening ceremony. How can we Brits compete? Chas n’ Dave have now split up, which ballsed up Plan A, but there's always Plan B - giving The Spice Girls some work again.
We love Sports Illustrated swimwear models here at hecklerspray. Sure, we like looking at the pictures of beautiful girls but we also like to think they are performing an important role of getting more people interested in swimming. Well, put it this way, nothing has made us more interested in the breaststroke than the thought of a lovely girl in a tight-fitting bikini. OK, enough of the terrible jokes and roll on the pictures of half-naked women...
Obviously Michael Jackson's new film This Is It would top the weekend box office this week. Obviously. It had everything going for it. Michael Jackson's millions of fans are using This Is It as a way to pay tribute to his life. Plus This Is It will only be exhibited theatrically for two weeks, so everyone will see it at the same time. Plus no other big films opened on Friday, giving This Is It a clear path to weekend box office glory. Also, given the choice between This Is It and Law Abiding Citizen, who wouldn't choose the harrowing documentary about the painfully thin spectre-like drug addict in the silly wig?
Jon Gosselin has had an epiphany. And, no, epiphany isn't the name of a new experimental hair-replacement procedure. He's had a real epiphany. Whisper it, but Jon Gosselin might have worked out what an unstoppable bellend he is. Yesterday at the Manhattan West Side Jewish Centre, Jon plucked up the courage to tell all and sundry that his 'moral compass' has been all out of whack. And it seems genuine. Jon Gosselin seems truly sorry for everything he's done. And we're sure he'll continue to explain exactly how sorry he is in his new book, TV show, range of ornamental ceramics and any other method he think of to stop him getting a real job.
Separating the sweet, juicy flesh from the stone and skin of this week’s major label releases. There have been many songs written about Monday, but they all seem to use the working week's start as a metaphor for sadness, despair, and classroom shooting rampages. Well, no more: your Mango thinks this is a pretty damn fine day, actually (much better than stupid Thursday. More like 'Turdday' if you ask us) and we have done a little song of our own to show you how brilliant it is. Come follow us to the post-jump world, where we'll show it off...
Mel Gibson must be over the moon - he's finally got enough children to become the star of his own reality TV show. Imagine what a perfect show that would be. It'd be almost exactly like Jon & Kate Plus 8, if only the internal dynamic of that show was based on Jon Gosselin's constant struggle to avoid another full-blown anti-Semitic alcoholic relapse instead of John Gosselin's constant struggle to stop the world seeing how bald he's going. But anyway, our point is that Mel Gibson became the father of his eighth baby on Friday. Mother and baby are fine, but the father can be a bit of a dick sometimes.
X Factor's Rock Night on Saturday wasn't very good for Rachel Adedeji, because it finally saw them get the boot from the show. But they didn't get the worst deal of it. No, that would be us. Because we had to watch the poxy thing. Honestly, we think 'Rock Night' might have been a typo - surely it was really called Cock Night or Suck Night or Let's Transparently Try And Make Jamie Look Better Than He Actually Is Night. Yick. Anyway, let's have a bit of an X Factor recap, shall we?
