Gossip for grown-ups
It's been close to half a year, but the question still remains: what killed Michael Jackson? Was it drugs? Was it stress? Was it drugs? Was it financial strain? Or drugs? Drugs? Was it that giant dose of medical-grade anaesthetic he was given right before he died? Could that have anything to do with Michael Jackson's death? Anyone? In the end, though, it doesn't matter what we think. But it does matter what Janet Jackson thinks, because a) Michael Jackson was her brother and b) she's got a greatest hits album out that she needs to plug. And Janet Jackson is pointing the finger squarely at Michael Jackson's doctor.
Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. When it comes to aliens there are generally three kinds - the fuzzy ones that eat cats and thrive on prime-time TV, there's the kind with the broom-helmets that occasionally show up to thwart Bugs Bunny, and there's the super hot ones to which all of mankind happily hands over their planet. Like on V. Add to that all inclusive list, if you will, the Nordics. Like the ones an off-duty police officer just reported encountering.
Football wasn’t always a non-contact sport. With all the diving, posing and play-acting you see in the Premiership and international football these days, it’s easy to forget there were times the Beautiful Game was anything but. In fact, football could be downright nasty - with the players below some of the main instigators. Bring on the FA charge.
2012 is the top movie at the weekend box office. And you don't have to be a genius to work out why. Two hours of John Cusack almost being smashed to death by falling rocks? Who wouldn't want to pay good money to see that! Oh, we're just kidding - 2012 is top of the weekend box office because it deals with the growing worry that the Mayan calendar was right and that the world will end in 2012. And it probably will. After all, the Mayans were right about men originally evolving from mud, weren't they? And about rain being a giant flying snake's dribble. Nice one Mayans, you dead idiots.
The momentum of this Carrie Prejean sex tape scandal is breathtaking - it's just like a Hollywood movie. Alright, maybe not a Hollywood movie. A movie from somewhere that makes crap porn. But a movie nonetheless. It seems as if every day the stakes in the Carrie Prejean sex tape saga get raised just that little bit higher. Now it's emerged that Carrie Prejean didn't simply make one sex tape - she made eight, and took around 30 naughty photos of herself, too. It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? Maybe tomorrow we'll hear that Carrie Prejean isn't an unremittingly dreadful person after all, allowing someone somewhere to get marginally aroused by any of this.
Separating the sweet, juicy flesh from the stone and skin of this week’s major label releases. Another week, another Monday. Another soul-grinding day of pretending to like your colleagues. Even Dave in security, who will tell you all about his weekend's sexploits despite the whole office knowing he hasn't seen any ladybits in fifteen years. Well come ye here, settle down in front of the glowing slavemaster, and bury your face in this week's Mango...
With New Moon being released this week, there's only one question that needs to be asked about the Twilight saga. And that's 'for the love of all that's holy, won't somebody make it stop?' Oh, and also 'now that the saga has become so depressingly popular, will Stephenie Meyer ever write another Twilight book?' That is a question that needs to be asked. It is. It is. Alright, it isn't. But Stephenie Meyer has answered it anyway. So will there be a new Twilight book? Maybe. One day. Unless she thinks of something better to do. Possibly. You're welcome Twilight fans. You're welcome.
Last night Jamie Archer was kicked out of X Factor, and our weekends just aren't going to be the same ever again. Admittedly that's because there's now going to be a space of two minutes during our weekends where we won't hunt our living room for some knitting needles to jam into our ears, but still. Jamie Archer left X Factor on Queen Night which, if you didn't know, also doubles as Deliberately Make Freddie Mercury Try To Curse Brian May From Beyond The Grave Night. But, hey, let's give you that X Factor recap you've been gasping for, eh?
