So the publication of If I Did I, Here's What Happened But I Didn't Do It Anyway So Shut Up by OJ Simpson is a done deal, with Beaufort Books getting the publishing nod – now everyone's bound to be happy about it, right?
Apparently not. Even though it's obviously both logical and emotionally understandable that the family of murdered Ron Goldman want to print OJ Simpson's fictional account of how he violently stabbed their son to death in a calculated burst of horrifying anger because it'll mean they'll have a bit more money, some people are shocked at the recent turn of events. One such person is the sister of Nicole Brown-Simpson, OJ Simpson's murdered ex-wife. Denise Brown is so outraged that If I Did It, Here's How It Happened will be published that she's calling for the public to boycott the book. Instead Denise Brown advises people to buy her new book Forget OJ: If I Did It, I'd Have Done It With A Fuckin' Chainsaw.
We're thinking of suing, you know. This whole sorry saga over If I Did It, Here's How It Happened by OJ Simpson has provided us with so many head-slapping 'they did what?' moments at such a high frequency that we've actually slapped a large indentation into our foreheads that we're currently filling with a handful of Victoria sponge, and surely someone has to be financially liable for that.
The first If I Did It, Here's What Happened headslap came when it was announced that OJ Simpson had written the book in the first place. For some bewildering reason, OJ Simpson assumed that the easiest way for him to make some money would be to write a fictionalised account of the real-life murder of his ex-wife and her friend – that he was found to be innocent of and has spent the intervening time trying to forget about – from his imagined murderer's perspective. Although the inevitable ensuing outrage was enough for all copies of If I Did It, Here's How It Happened to be pulped, it seems as if that was just an elaborate set-up for gigantic headslap moment number two.
That came when Fred Goldman – father of murdered Ron Goldman and the man owed $38 million from OJ Simpson after OJ was found to be legally responsible for the murders in a follow-up civil trial – tried to sue OJ Simpson for demeaning his son's memory by profiting from his death, only to realise that he could coin it in himself if he got all the money from the sales of If I Did It, Here's How It Happened. One complicated court case later and that's what has happened – If I Did It, Here's How It Happened by OJ Simpson will be published by Beaufort Books and the Goldman family will get all the money. Sure, the money won't bring their son back, but it will buy them a really massive TV, and isn't that the same thing deep down?
However, there is at least one person in this story who seems to show even fleeting moments of normality – Denise Brown, the sister of OJ Simpson's murdered ex-wife Nicole. She thinks that the sale of If I Did It, Here's How It Happened by anyone is a little bit on the tasteless side and wants the public to boycott it. Femalefirst reports:
Nicole Brown Simpson's sister is calling for a boycott of O.J. Simpson's hypothetical book of the murder of his ex-wife and her friend Ronald Goldman… Denise says she is disgusted that her sister's children Sydney and Justin "will have to be subjected to this step by step manual on how their mother and her friend Ron were murdered". But Beaufort president Eric Kampmann hopes the book will be a tribute to the lives of Goldman and Brown Simpson. He explains, "We will be working diligently to not only publish this book well, but to honour the memory of the victims of this terrible crime: Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson".
The rest of Kampmann's quote was inaudible because he bellyflopped into a swimming pool full of money and started doing the backstroke in it like Scrooge McDuck while the Goldman family danced the Conga wearing suits made of diamonds in the background.
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Nicole Brown Simpson Sister Calls For Book Boycott – Femalefirst