Ocean's Thirteen is almost out, much to the relief of the two people left in the world who want to pay to see a bunch of millionaires swanning about being all smug in the exact same way they did in the previous two Ocean's movies.
But this time is different, because this time the cast of Ocean's Thirteen have all been busy plopping their hands and feet into concrete outside of Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood. Well, not all the cast of Ocean's Thirteen, obviously – the day that Don Cheadle is honoured in concrete for doing the most geographically inept British accent in the history of all mankind is the day we go out and destroy all concrete – but Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Matt Damon and producer Jerry Weintraub all got to dip their hands into concrete, and presumably weren't allowed to take them out until they promised not to make an Ocean's Fourteen.
After the confusing, piss-weak European marathon of self-satisfaction that was Ocean's Twelve, nobody could have believed that anyone would dream of ever making an Ocean's Thirteen. Nobody except all the people to do with Ocean's Twelve, though, who quickly rushed Ocean's Thirteen into production last year to at least try and right some of their previous wrongs.
By and large, early reviews for Ocean's Thirteen say that it's basically the exact same movie as the first two, only this time Al Pacino's in it, which isn't exactly the mark of quality it used to be. Not that the cast of Ocean's Thirteen will care, though – between them they're too busy being manly men and convincing women to get pregnant and taking naked baths with Angelina Jolie to worry about any of that crap. Plus being in Ocean's Thirteen means that they can all leave their mark outside Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood – which is one of the highest honours an actor can get after, well, after having naked baths with Angelina Jolie. Hello reports:
"If I had to be on my hands and knees with three other guys, I can't think of three better guys to do it with," said George Clooney this week as he had his hand- and footprints cast in concrete alongside those of pals Brad Pitt, Matt Damon and Ocean's producer Jerry Weintraub… "I know this is all about me and not about these three guys," joked Jerry.
And anyone who enjoys that kind of constant lightweight banter should head to their nearest cinema on Friday to get a full two-hour dose of it from Ocean's Thirteen. And for only £7.50 each, too.
However, maybe Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Matt Damon shouldn't get too pleased with themselves yet – this sort of stunt doesn't traditionally translate well to box office receipts. Recently the last two people to do anything even vaguely similar to this were Donald Trump – who promptly saw The Apprentice get axed – and Halle Berry. And we can't even remember what her last film was called.
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