We knew this day would come, but we never really managed to prepare for it. It’s the day that – God, this is hard – Britney Spears gained self-awareness.
What makes us so sure of this? How about the fact that, despite rumours to the contrary, Britney Spears has refused to perform at this year’s MTV VMAs? Apparently she fears it’ll be a hopelessly incompetent retread of last year’s hopelessly incompetent MTV VMA performance, recently voted the biggest single atrocity to ever happen to mankind by us in a vote in our head just now.
You know what this means, don’t you? Without Britney Spears around, the MTV VMAs is going to be – gulp – professional. Urgh. Seriously, one of the Jonas Brothers had better be planning to soil himself onstage and then slip around in the mess like a baby deer on an ice rink, because right now that’s all we’ve got left to cling to.
Has anyone else noticed a quiet turning around of Britney Spears’ public image lately? It seems like she’s winning people over again. Maybe that’s because people feel sorry for her, or maybe it’s because she’s not leathering the shit out of their cars with an umbrella any more, but lately public support for Britney Spears has grown so much that she even gets praised for going out without looking a mess.
And this public rehabilitation seems to have made Britney Spears cleverer as well. Case in point – Britney Spears isn’t going to perform at the MTV VMAs any more.
You’ll remember what happened last time Britney Spears did the MTV VMAs, of course. The stumbling, the miming, the hair extensions, the drawn-on abs, the listless crotch-grabbing. It was brilliant. Not for Britney Spears, obviously – it sent her spiralling into a psychological hellpit that she’s never fully recovered from – but it was fun to watch, and isn’t that what’s most important?
There were rumours that Britney Spears wanted a redo of the performance at this year’s MTV VMAs next month, but sadly they’ve turned out to be a big fat bag of lies. Yahoo reports:
“Contrary to media reports, Britney was never slated to perform on this year’s VMAs,” Larry Rudolph, Spears’ manager at Jive Records, said in a statement. “She’s in the middle of recording her next album, which is going amazingly well, and her focus remains on the studio.”
Is it just us, or does Britney Spears not seem like Britney Spears if she’s behaving normally? We’re worried. The old Britney would have jumped at the chance to perform at the MTV VMAs, then forgotten to prepare for it, then started to cry halfway through her performance, then tried to lick the tears out of her own eyes in the mistaken belief that they were made of gin, fallen into the orchestra pit and started to hump a tuba. That’s the Britney we all know and love.
What next? Is Britney Spears going to display enough parental competency to be allowed to look after her children again? Good lord, we hope not. Urgh.
Sarah says
too bad g.g. allin is dead…
http://www.lanationalbank.com/ says
She just needs a rest and tim eto regroup. Two months or so!
FUCKYALL says
YOU GUYS ARE SOO FUCKING HARSH.
LEAVE THE WOMAN ALONE.
DAYUM! WHOEVER WROTE THIS FUCK YOU…SERIOUSLY!!!