Funny thing, fate – one minute it's sending Paris Hilton to jail, the next minute it's cheering Nicole Richie up by reportedly getting her pregnant, and the next it's ensuring a life of therapy for an unborn baby because Nicole Richie is its mother.
In a move not at all designed to coincide with her upcoming court appearance for the relentless spazziness of her driving last year, it's been reported that Nicole Richie is pregnant with the baby of her boyfriend Joel Madden. So far, the clues pointing to Nicole Richie's apparent pregnancy include her avoiding alcohol on a night out, the way that Joel Madden now constantly asks if she's OK and the fact that Nicole Richie is generally so malnourished-looking that the sight of a sperm cell fertilising her ovum can actually be seen under her clothes and pretty much looks like a million eels wrestling each other in a bin bag.
Nicole Richie must be fed up of all the endless speculation about her weight by now – first she's too skinny, then she isn't too skinny, then she gets help for being so skinny – but now Nicole Richie seems to have seized upon a fiendish plan to gain a bit of weight. According to reports, Nicole Richie is pregnant with the baby of Joel Madden, frontman of Good Charlotte and the man who Nicole Richie apparently plans to marry.
However, nobody sees sure if Nicole and Joel are really engaged, let alone if Nicole Richie is pregnant. However, Page Six has all the evidence it needs:
[Nicole] was conspicuously wearing a huge diamond engagement ring. "It was one big rock surrounded by more diamonds," our source said. Richie refused to talk about the ring. Meanwhile, Madden was "overly attentive to her – keeping his arm around her all night – and repeatedly asked her if she was OK." The cozy couple ate everything on their plates, lobster salad and lamb, but refused all alcohol, which our snarky spy called "a first for her."
So that's it – Nicole Richie must be pregnant because she ate food and didn't get hopelessly drunk. However, cynics – OK, us – can't help noticing that these Nicole Richie pregnancy rumours are suspiciously well-timed: in the very near future Nicole will go to court over the time she got loaded up on pot and painkillers and drove the wrong way up a motorway and pregnancy might just be the one thing that saves her from a Paris Hilton-style prison meltdown.
Of course, time will tell just how pregnant Nicole Richie really is – especially with such a small frame, a pregnancy will appear more pronounced on her. For example, after just six week's the head of her foetus will jut out of Nicole's belly like some kind of grotesque tumour, and it's expected that the start of the third trimester will be marked by the foetus actually growing to be larger than Nicole Richie herself, partially breaking through Nicole's abdominal wall and staggering around everywhere on two legs with Nicole Richie helplessly floundering about attached to the baby's back. If that happens, we'll know Nicole is pregnant for sure.
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popdish says
i think nicole is definitly not pregnant. shes just wayy malnurished. gross.
http://www.popdish.com
Gilbert Wham says
She is a deeply unfortunat looking creature is she not? I pity her putative infant.